my advice is 1) if you cannot afford a lawyer then suggest you bring a friend down or not possible bring a recorder to inform all parties the conversation is recorded and will be admissible in court.


2) Whoever accuse adultery or whatever- the burden of proof is him- so keep quiet and let the lawyer make his money from him- long drag meaning cost a lot of money.

3) Dont sell the HDB- all the proceed if profit will be split by 3 and CPF return to own account. As he is undergoing bankrputcy proceeding- the Official Assignee or the court cannot seize your property as it is HDB- public flat- provided you continue to pay the instalment to the bank. in the event, if sold- the OA will take charge of his share of the profit- if any.

4) Custody- dont worry- the probability is higher for woman-

5) fake agency- this is the last triump card- do not use until the last resort. meantime get evidence- otherwise your words vs my words

6) Dont be bitter- be happy-this is life experience-

7) if possible -dont divorce unless last resort.

Good Luck

If you really want to divorce is so simple just ask the man to sleep separately on another room within the same household.


Within the separation period of > 4 years you can file for divorce with total annulment even if he disagree with you.

You better be sure you are financially sound, that your kid 5 years old is not sufferring with you.

Male drink beer, wine or hard liquour for the following reasons

1) male bonding wit co-worker, biz associate other
2) socialising with friend and mate
3) de stress after a hard day work
4) habitual ritual before sleeping
5) enhance sleep otherwise the brain is to tense to sleep well
6) forget unhappinese if any
7) the feel good effect of being tipsy less conscious of reality or temporary relief
get drunk to do wild thing as you can see many party goer goes beserk
9 to get attention from others when drunk
10) to get laid or being laid or White nite stand
11) for courage and act blur naturally to do silly thing
12) anything except the above reasons.

clearly something is wrong with your relationship- why would a man not spend time with his family could be many reason- definitely not the KIDS but YOU as a spouse.


the following is a checklist:
1) Are you overwhelming him- talk equal or talk down to him
2)Are you nagging him and question him too much by interfering or questioning or interogate him as an adult person.
3)give him room for personal space to breath- yes or no
4) Do u have a big ego like him- like a modern woman ought to "behave" or u lost the femine side after marriage
5) Are u expecting too much from him to be a good husband n father or which is prefer cause there is no perfection in anyone. which role you prefer him to be both or either
6) DID you do a self assessment on your side- before commenting "bad" on him

Sometimes. we cannot see yourself thinking other are imperfect- the irony is it could be your own problem- that you may have a strong character or loggerhead or anything.

These are suggestion as to man who behave like these which could be atrributable to you when staying together.

EMA guys - there are 2 kinds of mentality

1) I have never experience it before- i want to have fun- my wife is boring
2) Short term thrill- life is boring & want some excitment

For type 1- this is all goes out affair- ie to ditch wife or whatever it takes to enjoy his new found paradise and lately discover he was ditched when his money run dry.

type 2- this kinds of guys are still forgivable as they found a new "toys" ie the thrill of finding other woman exicitng as to take boredom out of work or family.

It is usually a short term thing when both parties (3rd party)can tired of each other and the flame will diasppear. And they will restore to normal mode of family relationship.

Woman- for Goodness sake- anything don’t mention DIVORCE- these man are too High on their new found toys. this is like talking to a drunkard- being possessed or sobed to understand your message. it is best let the drunkard process run its course and then decide the next step.

Only time will tell- so dont give up easily- it is complicated in life with kid let alone with divorce. must bear with it.

There are some truth to his writing given the scholar material type that our papaya are paying them to study in Singapore & hopefully stay behind to contribute to nation building. in fact, most malaysia working in Singapore have the mentality to go back one day when they made enough money here.


Why pay FT to study and work here? it is a probability game, assume 10 FT stay in singapore for 10 years, maybe an average 5 out of 10 FT went home after 10 years or less, the return on investment is at least 200 to 500% return. Assuming they work here to pay
1) income tax
2) GST
3) housing loan & interest or pay rental
4) property tax
5) COE
6) other form of payment
7) CPF (lock in)
less initial cost of scholarship say 50K to 100K assuming 3 years of undergraduate study & lodging. The Net gain is still much higher than not investing in these FT to work and study here.

Mr Valvestate,


Don’t play a fool with PRC, they know the "weakness"of Singaporean man. dont be fool with their soft "femine" most have ulterior motive u r just a "tool" for her to settle down in singapore. once they get hold of your physical possession they will dump u for good. look is deceiving and dont let your male ego overwhelm u. if you are sexually bored go to other channel, dont play with office colleague & play else where if you cannot control yourself. keep it professional as u know the industry is very small.

Singapore women are the "best" in terms of cultural , upbringing , background and will go through hardship with u. PRC u think they will sacrifice"" for u when u r down not unless u r really handsome or good looking.

make sure she dont sleep with your boss to get rid of you- better move far away.

Even if Ah gay is found not gulity of corruption, how can he continue to work in the civil service- he already breach his professional code of conduct and ethics. who will respect him in the civil service. his career is over- can u imagine washing your dirty linen in the public who would dare to employ him if such incident happen again. no employer would take such a risk with such person. maybe work overseas and come back to singapore later.


the verdict is clear, no case to answer given the witness is hostile and will be impeached for perjury ie meaning lying under oath to perverse the course of justice.

The whole case is about office politics- the higher you go and the more people will take you down. as u know in any organisation, this is a zero sum game. someone have to move out which, many waiting for opportunity for the head to make "mistake" which is EMA. the alleged corruption is wholly to tarnish the image not financial transaction like bank account to proof. the prosceution case is to prove tangible benefit or benefit in kind ie sleeping with someone which is hard to justify like your word vs my word.


the best part there is no Hotel involved or all happen inside the car or carpark.

This is very common in the private sector, where subordinate or vendor sleep with the "boss" or ""key person for career advancement and pay. in short, do anything but dont get caught or leave audit trail. someone at the top must have know about this EMA thing or turn a blind eye, maybe now is the timining to exercise it for a change for restructuring.

furthermore, the EMA event took place in 2009, 2010 why now, to make a big fuss. who is the biggest winner? think about it.

Man in general are not interested in sex could be due to various reasons:

1) too stress in life - work n family. ie low energy
2) no longer find you sexual appealing any more- ie no more thrill or surprise or predictable or boring sex position
3) dont want to waste his energy for you or for someone else through some other channel u can think of.
4) could be a medical condition- still no excuse can seek some medication if ED
5) life focus is changing due to career goal - dont need to satify your sexual urge ie it your own problem.
6) maybe u no longer attractive as before- no mood for sex
7) lingerie thing may work once or twice but not sustainable- bottom line is what he got to explain why sex is not appealing to him anymore in comparison to past. of course nobody will know if he is telling the truth- deep down- he know himself.

maybe you can get him drunk and who know he may reveal the real "self" or have loose talk. please don be judgemental about his value as to hurt his male ego .dont try to offer solution or rememdies if he does not ask for it- as u know most asia man are MCP and to save face for him.