Husband drinks & stays out late - Does yours?

[Fireflyserene]

AdonciaTang,

Sorry to hear about your childhood incident. Thanks for sharing it & I admire your courage & maturity(at such tender age). I t must have been hard on you. Infact I was feeling v depressed but I tell myself that I can't afford to as my child needs me... Although at times I do breakdown in tears (as there is just too much happenings at same time - work, health, betrayal, family etc). I was so 'drained physically, emotionally'... & traumatized by that \"eventful nite\" that I was so \"scared\"...but I can't leave my child. I'm healing....
But I don't understand why H can be so cruel & disregard own child.
Sorry if i pour too much.

I'm glad that u have a lovely family. Stay happy forever. :thankyou:

[Twinklelime]

Fireflyserene :grphug: lots of hug, be strong ok

[AdonciaTang]

Fireflyserene:

AdonciaTang,

Sorry to hear about your childhood incident. Thanks for sharing it & I admire your courage & maturity(at such tender age). I t must have been hard on you. Infact I was feeling v depressed but I tell myself that I can't afford to as my child needs me... Although at times I do breakdown in tears (as there is just too much happenings at same time - work, health, betrayal, family etc). I was so 'drained physically, emotionally'... & traumatized by that \"eventful nite\" that I was so \"scared\"...but I can't leave my child. I'm healing....
But I don't understand why H can be so cruel & disregard own child.
Sorry if i pour too much.

I'm glad that u have a lovely family. Stay happy forever. :thankyou:

Thank you.

You never know what they are thinking. You cant blame yourself for that.

Heard some women said before that although they have been sharing the same bed with their H for 30 -40 over years, they feel that they still don't understand some things that their H do. Its not just you. My hubby do things that's surprises me too sometimes even though we have been living with each other for so many years.

Its always OK to cry and release the fear and sadness and depression, Its actually a good way to let off all those steam. I rather you cry then bottle it up, which can be very bad for u and ur health. and you might be letting off those steams by venting anger on someone else or ur daughter(which my mum did to me unknowingly herself last time).

Its good if u can talk to someone and just cry as much, I am pretty sure u will feel better. and then u will realize its not that bad after all, cause you still have your daughter with you who will love you more especially after what had happened.

Stay strong.

[Fireflyserene]

Thanks twinkleLime & adonciaTang.

[applecrisp]

Hi everyone,


Apologies once again for reviving this old thread. Need some advice or hear some thoughts so i do appreciate your posts.

On thursday night, hb went drinking as usual and at 11ish, i sms him to ask him what time he was coming home. there was no reply. i texted him again at 12 midnight and no response again. i started getting worried (about him getting drunk or involved in accident), because he usually would at least reply despite staying out late.

I called his hp a few times and no one picked up the phone. in my desperation, i decided to look for his office blackberry no in my phone records. i’ve never called his bb no before so i’ve never stored the number in my iphone. but i remembered him dialling me previously once before his business trip and i looked through my missed call records. i found a no which seemed to be the one. so i called at 12:28am and after a few ring tones, a woman picked up the phone. i thought i had called the wrong no (because i really had no clue if that was my hb bb no and could have dialled a wrong missed call). I apologised for calling the wrong no and she even told me "it’s late so dont call again". i put down the phone quickly.

Thereafter i called my hb on his hp every hour hoping he would pick up the phone to tell me where he is. this continued till 4am when he finally appeared back home. He told me he had actually driven back home at 11ish but was so drunk that he fell asleep in his car in the carpark!! i was so angry that he made me stay up the whole night waiting and worrying about him so we had a big quarrel.

The next morning, i went to office and decided to dial the wrong no again from my office phone. To my surprise, my hb picked up the phone! my heart froze. i smsed him and told him he owed me an explanation because i called this no and a lady picked up the phone! he replied me saying i was mad and stop accusing him blah blah… so i did a print screen of the no which showed the lady and i had a conversation at 12:28am for 13 seconds, and asked him if this was his bb number. he said yes it’s his bb no, but he couldnt find my hp no in his bb phone record at that hour. he insisted he fell asleep in the car, and his bb and iphone were all in the car with him. he said the only possibility could be the office blackberry may have some call forwarding feature which he is not aware and it got forwarded to someone else?

I am very confused now because i cannot imagine the worse if he was indeed drunk with a lady who picked up his bb. on the other hand, is this call forwarding explanation plausible and reasonable? in our sms exchange, hb did say i could go ask the security guard if they have a record of what time the car transponder entered our home. I am having a cold war with him now so i dont know if i should persue the issue because the truth might hurt, or i should just "close one eye".

Feeling really sad because time and again (since i started this thread), i’ve told him i dont like him to drink till so late and come back drunk, but i feel like i’m talking to the wall. Even though i have tried to take the advise of some kind forummers like leaving him alone, getting my own life back, and i did think there were some improvements coming along … but this has to happen again.

so sorry for my long post but i do need to rant somewhere…

[icy_mama]

hello applecrisp


please do not apologise. being able to find a listening ear is half of the problem solved.

my heart goes out to you. my dh doesn’t drink nor stay out late. but i can feel your frustration and helplessness.

i believe trust in a relationship is of utmost importance but it must also be mutual. having a call being forwarded to some other person may sound weak but not totally impossible. sleeping in the car may sound uncomfortable but for someone who is drunk is perfectly logical.

perhaps u could find out more as what your dh suggested. know for sure and that beats any guess work. that is of course if u are ready for what u may find out.

if i mean IF some other lady is involved, being at cold war or being quarrelsome or naggy will just push dh out even further. perhaps u could find out more before talking to your dh calmly.

stay calm and be strong. should the worse scenario happens, u would need all the strength to face it and make decisions.

all the best… take care.

[AdonciaTang]

Do not need to apologize. We are here to listen.


I agree with icy_mama. If you r really ready to find out more, then you should just go ahead and do it. Sometimes, its better to fulfill that curiosity rather then forgetting about it. On the other hand, if you trust ur DH, then just trust him with his words.

A relationship takes 2 hands to clap, its not one sided too. He needs to know that.

[Harlequin]

applecrisp:

Hi everyone,


Apologies once again for reviving this old thread. Need some advice or hear some thoughts so i do appreciate your posts.

On thursday night, hb went drinking as usual and at 11ish, i sms him to ask him what time he was coming home. there was no reply. i texted him again at 12 midnight and no response again. i started getting worried (about him getting drunk or involved in accident), because he usually would at least reply despite staying out late.

I called his hp a few times and no one picked up the phone. in my desperation, i decided to look for his office blackberry no in my phone records. i've never called his bb no before so i've never stored the number in my iphone. but i remembered him dialling me previously once before his business trip and i looked through my missed call records. i found a no which seemed to be the one. so i called at 12:28am and after a few ring tones, a woman picked up the phone. i thought i had called the wrong no (because i really had no clue if that was my hb bb no and could have dialled a wrong missed call). I apologised for calling the wrong no and she even told me \"it's late so dont call again\". i put down the phone quickly.

Thereafter i called my hb on his hp every hour hoping he would pick up the phone to tell me where he is. this continued till 4am when he finally appeared back home. He told me he had actually driven back home at 11ish but was so drunk that he fell asleep in his car in the carpark!! i was so angry that he made me stay up the whole night waiting and worrying about him so we had a big quarrel.

The next morning, i went to office and decided to dial the wrong no again from my office phone. To my surprise, my hb picked up the phone! my heart froze. i smsed him and told him he owed me an explanation because i called this no and a lady picked up the phone! he replied me saying i was mad and stop accusing him blah blah.. so i did a print screen of the no which showed the lady and i had a conversation at 12:28am for 13 seconds, and asked him if this was his bb number. he said yes it's his bb no, but he couldnt find my hp no in his bb phone record at that hour. he insisted he fell asleep in the car, and his bb and iphone were all in the car with him. he said the only possibility could be the office blackberry may have some call forwarding feature which he is not aware and it got forwarded to someone else?

I am very confused now because i cannot imagine the worse if he was indeed drunk with a lady who picked up his bb. on the other hand, is this call forwarding explanation plausible and reasonable? in our sms exchange, hb did say i could go ask the security guard if they have a record of what time the car transponder entered our home. I am having a cold war with him now so i dont know if i should persue the issue because the truth might hurt, or i should just \"close one eye\".

Feeling really sad because time and again (since i started this thread), i've told him i dont like him to drink till so late and come back drunk, but i feel like i'm talking to the wall. Even though i have tried to take the advise of some kind forummers like leaving him alone, getting my own life back, and i did think there were some improvements coming along ... but this has to happen again.

so sorry for my long post but i do need to rant somewhere..

Hi, Applecrisp.

Sorry to intrude.... I am overseas now, try to do it in short...

Can you withstand white lies? How far can you take it?

Are you prepared for the worst outcomes follow with any confrontation you initiated?

Do you really want to know the truth? Or half heartedly?

How much can you do without your hubby?

Sorry for my many questions, if you are comfortable to answer them...

I kind of thinking if you post here, you are really troubled by it, but you don't really expect a solution here, but rather a comforting note, am I right?
.
.
.
PS. What was your initial thought? Trust your instinct, 90% chance that you could be right.... the next big question is:--- what's next? Are you prepared?

:hugs:

[gumiho]

Hi,


Your story reminds me of my colleague. She had been through or should I say still ongoing a similiar lifestory as yours.

My colleague and her husband married young (around 20++), never play or party enough when he was young. This could be the reason why her husband till now still went drinking and ktv everyday without fail (Monday to Sunday) only return home during wee hours. Well… they are at their 40s now. She knew her husband had an affair outside because their kids spotted mushy messages (send by a woman) in her husband’s handphone. She know who the woman was when the vixen turn up at her father-in-law funeral. Her husband don’t care about the family, he will immediately dash out of the house once he receive call from his friend.

My colleague is upset, furious, heartbroken…etc. We can feel it whenever she talk about her husband even though she don’t admit it. Apparently she is pretending to be strong by ignoring her husband’s behaviour/attitude, give her full concentration to her kids and her own family (娘家). Maybe this could make her feel better.

[ammonite]

As long as the men think they can get away with it, they will continue with it. Unless they are having a crush on a third party or in love, very few will give up family for the third party.


As long as one is financially and emotionally stable and clear headed, there is no need to fear the consequences of facing a third party head on. Hold on to your self worth. If you believe that you deserve better than this, you will get better than this.