usually, if you sense someone is off, just reach out…

sometimes, you never know, your 1 statement or action may mean a lot to them

they definitely need the support from outside sources, be it friends / relatives / professionals / religions etc, and these are the "fuels" to help them go in, before they burn out.
However, having said that, even as a mental health profession, most of the times, i realize the most of my clients who are struggling, at first they find strengths from the outside…but once they are ready and stable to reach inwards, their inner qualities are the most powerful change agent they have.

since they are now staying with you, i think the focus can now shift to rebuilding (or start from zero) meaningful relationship…

do note that it is going to physically and mentally draining for both you. your wife, and your kids, that they are travelling to and fro the school daily.

they are probably going to grumble, as they have to re-socialize again, to make friends and transit in the new environment. together with puberty physiological changes, its going to be tough work, but possible. i used to work with a family with similar issues as well, but managed to get a breakthrough, when all parties chip in to contribute to change and care for one-another

depends on what the need is, i may have some to reccomend

depends on what the need is, i may have some to reccomend

zac's mum\" post_id=\"2001532\" time=\"1604634876\" user_id=\"53606:[quote=\"zac's mum\" post_id=2001532 time=1604634876 user_id=53606]
The one that is commonly advertised is Molly Manners SG. Just do a web search and you will see they even have holiday classes. I have never tried so can't comment. However if a child has special needs like ASD, it may be better to get private lessons/coaching from a qualified therapist rather than a commercial outfit like Molly Manners. They don't claim to have experience with special needs.[/quote]

true
Special Educational Needs (SEN) is a whole new different ball games.
I do conduct training that teaches children social emotional learning, and always ensure that i know the children before hand. But lucky for me, my have a team that consists of educational therapist, as well as ex-teachers of special schools, whom i will activate when i need to conduct sessions for SEN students.

ga2004\" post_id=\"2001063\" time=\"1604295723\" user_id=\"6263:

slmkhoo\" post_id=\"2001060\" time=\"1604293227\" user_id=\"28674:

[quote=ga2004 post_id=2001042 time=1604287344 user_id=6263]Hello All,

I need help for my son who is 15 yrs old and now he will be in the O levels next year.
He has lost his interest in studies, most he sleeps in class, we have got many complaints from all teachers.
He has become self- centered aggressive, not caring for others and confined to only playing with friends comes to us only when he needs money or any help . it is either he needs sports shoes or games or clothes .
He is very bright but never follows a discipline ..

Would it be we have to seek professional help for him? . He has been only playing and become aggressive, missing school though he informs us \" I am not going because the class is boring or full packed today or just one class\" which he could do at home if we don't agree he will still do what he has decided and becomes aggressive. However he uses the time to sleep and only play. He has gone out of our reach to even tell him that he is not doing the right thing. i feel as a failed mum , as he does not listen to any of us and i am really not sure what he will do . few days ago he realized he has to study and he came to me saying he will study but then he soon realized the expectation to get in JC is very tough. So he feels he can't do it. After that it is gone to a drain and now he is back to playing with friends online and locked in his room always. Does not come even to eat lunch or dinner with us. It has been a tough time. Seeking anyone went through this tough time how you all handled it . if there is help it is very confusing to whom to reach out too. We have tried school discipline, career counselling nothing has worked well.

Sec 3 his result has dipped to B, C, D and F for 2 subjects, though he was promoted to sec 4 but we he has not woken up yet..
Sec 3 he graced through but next year we are very worried.. Need help. !! please share/advice how to handle .
thanks,
-ga.

With teenagers, any kind of acting out usually has more deep-seated reasons. Schools results is generally only the visible surface. He is obviously feeling that he can't cope well, and is probably losing hope. But before you can help, he has to trust you (or someone else who is willing and able to help). Has he always been less disciplined, and getting by just because he's fairly smart? If so, the lack of good habits is now catching up with him, but he has to realise this and want to change. If it's a recent change, then maybe something has triggered it.

How is his relationship with parents, siblings, friends, etc. and are there any problems? Is he being bullied, or having self-esteem issues? Any addictions to social media, computer games, etc.?

You may need to seek help from a family counsellor, to improve communication in the family. You say he doesn't listen when you give him advice or instructions, and if that is the case, you cannot help him until that is fixed.

Thanks simkhoo,
I am looking to get him support, i am really confused now. As to get him to talk to any of us is tough . He would only listen for half the conversation the minute we talk of studies he is off, now it is been 2 days he has stopped talking . I should say from young he has been less disciplined and gets by just last minute brush through in his grades.

Now he realizes he has to practice and he feels cannot do it. I tried to motivate him as how we were and his sis also could do it. i did go though a tough phase with her now she is doing her masters in Archi but that is not helping him. tried giving him many examples and asked him what he wants he says he is confused .. Later he agreed for tuitions but did not do diligently as he had agreed to and i feel may be he is angry with himself but i am not sure . Now he has shut off i am waiting patiently as if i force to talk to him he becomes very angry .. yesterday he asked me to stop tuitions and went off as i had to make another payment.

He is hooked to his PC games and plays quite late night, tried talking to take this off but he gets out of control and he became very aggressive and troubles all of us making noisy sounds while we have rest at night. He does understand that it is not good but the addiction to the internet is what is not in control . During school days at night after 11 pm the pc internet is off only during holidays and weekends he plays full time . But he still sleeps quite late.

If you can suggest any good counselling option i am ready to try, i have been looking but it is confusing whom to approach. I tried to approach the community center but i am not sure that is right option yet..
thanks
-ga,[/quote]Over the years, i have seen many counselling cases similar to this, Hence let me just share. Actually, playing games initially was an \"escape\" or replacement for some social activities, until the brain is wired to make it a habit, and then becomes addiction. At this age, many things happens to the teens, from inside out, including hormones fluctuation, and their psycho-social factors.

For the teens who \"switched' , usually there is some trigger, from peer relationship / BGR, or maybe parents ourselves had done something which lead to the trigger. Usually, i will try my hands from the teachers / friends, to find out any thing that happened. However, most of we parents now, tend to think that we want to give them \"space\", and not intervene, hence we do not know their social circles well.

You may have difficulty bringing him for counselling, and sometimes, strategically, if the parents just attend counselling on our own, we realize that we might be sending out conflicting messages, or unintentionally sent out some underlying messages which did not go down well in our children. Either way, the change in parents' behaviors, can lead to gradual change in the children's response to us.

Also, panicky and worried parents, tend to give out this vibe that turns off the teens even more. Hence, i suggest just go ahead and seek counselling support, even if it is alone for yourself
And yes, i once worked with only 1 mother, without the husband or the child, and eventually, the husband came on board together, and they managed to reach out to their kids once again

Just my own opinion

Regards

natgoh\" post_id=\"1993600\" time=\"1599101198\" user_id=\"40349:

Do you have any suggestion that we can try to reverse this situation?

i think, probably a few things happening to her now.
hormones changes are real (and scary)
Social environment of hers changed ( i assume 13, she entered secondary school)
from oldest in primary school, to youngest in secondary school, where all the seniors are mature, she has to be part of them... cannot be seen as too sticky towards parents.

all these are ways in which she is trying to figure out her identity (psychosocial stages)

also, like fellow forumers said -- CB period, perhaps had a little impact on everyone.......

another possibility

approach her on her good days, and just acknowledge that she has grown up, and maybe re-frame it in a way that

- to mummy, you are always a young DD, but i know u are growing, so sometimes mummy might easily still treat you like young girl, So, if there are things that you are able to carry out independently, do inform and remind me

share with her your growing days, maybe that can start some conversation

https://www.facebook.com/SGLoveTalks/posts/171294191239660


just sharing an article that is somehow related

there are many places that offer marital/couple counselling


i believe, sometimes when individuals are caught in such a toxic relationship, they might have blind side to what they are trying to deal with. Hence, can always consult a professional, to hear how they assess your situation.

For me, actually, i tend to be straight forward, and tell my clients the painful truth
1) you come alone and want to rescue the relationship, u are going to suffer alone in the relationship
2) even if your partner comes with you, if i see no avenue for progress, i will tell you so…

Brenda3700\" post_id=\"1992606\" time=\"1598416961\" user_id=\"165770:

Don't let kids learn values from other people, values should start from us from our homes

especially from unguided sources...
which may include internet/friends/tv shows


which is why, sometimes, simply watching tv with your child, allowing them to ask you questions, or just add in some reflective comments along the way to create meaningful conversations with them, will also help shape their value systems