Hi GDragon,


Do you welcome their parents and their tutors too?

plain/seaweed/cheese crackers that they can dip into tuna/salmon (canned ones, pull the lid ready to eat)


fruits sticks (seedless grapes,strawberries,blueberries)

* Vege sticks (cherry tomatoes, carrots) can add their favorite dip at the side

* chocolate pudding, fruit jelly from ntuc

* yam bread (crystal jade) it’s very filling even for an adult

* honey cornflakes/wheat biscuits

rains:

When my brother couldn't find a job for a year after graduation, I looked out for classified ads that he could apply to and smsed or showed them to him.


Honestly, I would have been offended too that I was asked how my Christmas was if I were him. How could Christmas be for someone out of job?

I agree that it takes a lot of patience and tolerance to live with someone frustrated and depressed. Do hang in there for your brother's sake.

I looked up the classified ads too. Guess what happened? He adamantly said that he knows what he is doing! My brother is in his mid 30s. To him to listen to his younger sister is like mission impossible.

ok my very shallow analysis is this guy is depressed and need to go IMH or at the very least needs to go counselling. not sure the guy can pull himself out of his depressive funk by himself.


this happened to another friend of mine who did a huuuge mistake for the company he was working for, got subsequently fired and spent the next year sleeping in bed and playing video games and not coming out of the house. like…literally.

it took a lot of ‘scolding’ by friends to get him to snap out of it.
he was lucky, not married, no commitments.

but seriously, in this very cruel country, we don’t have 8 months to recover. nope. nosiree[/quote]

Hi Joule,

How’s ur friend now? I hope he is well now. If I cant convince him to talk to me properly without yelling, I doubt he can talk to a professional. I have not spoken to him today. For now, I think cool things off over the weekend. I won’t give up. Recover and I will try to talk to him again. After all, like what u all agree, if family members give up, then things will remain stagnant. Life must carry on.

Hi Augmum,


He is in his early, super early years of his marriage. Short courtship. Sudden marriage. Once he sent me a message meant for his wife by mistake. From there I gathered that his wife is placing everything above him. Job more important than him. Everything u can think of is more important than him. Soon after marriage, he lost his job. But he was depressed before he lost his job. He claimed being neglected by wife. He has foul temper since the day I knew him. You could just guess how long it has been? However his temper now is way worse than 5 years ago. He admits he has slight depression but to me it's way more than slight :rant: :spank:

8 Months and he is still surviving on his savings? It's a cruel world, once the $$ runs out, he will have to go back to work.[/quote]


Yes. It's a cruel world. Savings ran out. Mum, dad, sis supporting now. I can't see the difference in him before and after marriage. :yikes:

Geee whiz. It's really hard to give this guy an ultimatum to get his shit together.


The last time something like this remotely worked was when the wife threatened to up and go and take the kids along unless the guy went for counselling.

oh the flip side I can understand how ANNOYING it is when the wife (and sister / and mother) keeps asking you for months on end whether you've found a job or not. (not that I'm condoning yelling at those who are concerned about you though)

my sympathies.

maybe you can lay off the concern for the time being and let him stew.

by the way the guy has no job means totally no job is it?

not like , oh, I got a job but I quit within the first week because yadada yadada like it's too far etc etc[/quote]

Totally no replies for jobs. That's what he told me. I have no idea how often mum, dad and wife ask him about the job. But I only ask once a month. Initially I didn't ask for 2 months or so but when I saw that nothing is moving I tried to do sth about it.

Then it's when I got all the lashing! :?: :imdrowning: :stompfeet:

Thank goodness. No kids involved!

Joule:

TheAnswer:

My brother has been jobless for more than half a year. My sis in law is not helping in anyway except giving him some more problems. He vents his problems on his friends and family. Calling us stupid, moron, idiot for no reason. He has become so withdrawn that I'm afraid that either they are heading for divorce or maybe worse things might happen. Can anyone offer some advice? Appreciate it!

wow. this one need his good friend or mentor figure to slap the sense into him

need to handle with care:

reason: if you do things for him, it would not help his self esteem any

need counselling, probably

..

I told him nicely and patiently he has got low self esteem. I know the verbal abuse is due to low self esteem. He turned it around and said I have low self esteem. :slapshead: Good friends advised him many rounds until they call it quits. Who will stay around and get mental torture? :mad: :siam:

Friends all run away cos they all cannot ask how he is? Mentor figure is like non existent! He used to confide in me especially when we were younger.

leongmichael:

8 mths is really too long..... not sure what is holding him back from trying with all his effort to get a job. Telling him to get a job may be the last thing he wants to hear now. He may need more help. Why not \"hand hold\" him for now. Go submit his name to recruiting companies, monitor the replies for him, reply for him, submit documents for him, rehearse interviews with him, take him to interviews, encourage him to look presentable & stay positive, and when he gets a job, take him to work for the first few days. It may seem like you are treating him like a child and it may sound extreme ......but 8 months is too long. All the best!

I think if I am going to do send his resumes for him. I will get hell from him. I mean seriously hell. I will have to endure verbal torture again. He didn't send any resumes for a few months cos he thinks that he needs a break after working for 10 years. I am sure many parents here have worked for 10 years or more. After that few months, he sent a few. Yes, only a few. Totally no response. Now he is not doing anything actively.

Augmum:

TheAnswer:

My brother has been jobless for more than half a year. My sis in law is not helping in anyway except giving him some more problems. He vents his problems on his friends and family. Calling us stupid, moron, idiot for no reason. He has become so withdrawn that I'm afraid that either they are heading for divorce or maybe worse things might happen. Can anyone offer some advice? Appreciate it!

Hi
Not in a position to offer advice, juz some thoughts to share.....

Please get / persuade yr brother to seek help from a doc or a psychiatrist soon,
as if go untreated, constant depression or anxiety can lead to serious problems,
such as impaired functioning, self injury or suicidal thoughts.....
Besides causing stress to his relationship with his family and friends....

If he can find a job, that will certainly help him from his current situation as
he will have something to focus on physically and mentally.....
see whether u or yr friends can help him on this aspect....

Meanwhile, be more tolerant towards him.......
give him whatever support he needed, financially or emotionally.....
Encourage him, talk to him, listens to his complaints, provides him with all the love and support....

Hereby, wish him quick recovery....

Hi Augmum,

Thanks for ur reply and advice. I have spoken to him many times (too many to count). He is at those kind of turn off mode. Turned off for a good 8 months now. I dunno if he is even communicating with his wife. They seem to be leading separate lifes. Occasionally when he feels better he will talk to me. If not its like flaring up at everyone. I asked him how was Christmas. I was shouted at. He told me not to meddle or ask about his life. I was like :stupid: :mad: previously I asked him to join our christmas party, he turned down.

I also asked him to seek help in getting a job but he say he can manage. He said he wanted to study but until now I see no movement. Honestly I'm very angry with him because he is blaming everyone for his circumstances.

He is always annoyed with one thing or another. I have heard all kinds of verbal abuse from him. Once he broke sth while quarrelling with his wife. Thank Godness he didn't hit his wife.. Oh well... He is giving me all the negative vibe.. I feel better after releasing it here..

Thanks for all the listening ears!