How to help someone who is constantly depressed??? Help!
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8 mths is really too long… not sure what is holding him back from trying with all his effort to get a job. Telling him to get a job may be the last thing he wants to hear now. He may need more help. Why not "hand hold" him for now. Go submit his name to recruiting companies, monitor the replies for him, reply for him, submit documents for him, rehearse interviews with him, take him to interviews, encourage him to look presentable & stay positive, and when he gets a job, take him to work for the first few days. It may seem like you are treating him like a child and it may sound extreme …but 8 months is too long. All the best!
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Helping him get a regular job is really the best way forward. As of now though, the best way is to settle him into a routine. Read in a separate article from the following that getting a routine is the best defence against depression. There are other strategies as well listed here:
http://www.webmd.com/depression/features/natural-treatments
I guess a routine like sending a certain number of resumes a day, waking up at a certain time, completing an exercise/workout etc. will really help. -
TheAnswer:
My brother has been jobless for more than half a year. My sis in law is not helping in anyway except giving him some more problems. He vents his problems on his friends and family. Calling us stupid, moron, idiot for no reason. He has become so withdrawn that I'm afraid that either they are heading for divorce or maybe worse things might happen. Can anyone offer some advice? Appreciate it!
wow. this one need his good friend or mentor figure to slap the sense into him
need to handle with care:
reason: if you do things for him, it would not help his self esteem any
need counselling, probably -
leongmichael:
8 mths is really too long..... not sure what is holding him back from trying with all his effort to get a job. Telling him to get a job may be the last thing he wants to hear now. He may need more help. Why not \"hand hold\" him for now. Go submit his name to recruiting companies, monitor the replies for him, reply for him, submit documents for him, rehearse interviews with him, take him to interviews, encourage him to look presentable & stay positive, and when he gets a job, take him to work for the first few days. It may seem like you are treating him like a child and it may sound extreme ......but 8 months is too long. All the best!
I think if I am going to do send his resumes for him. I will get hell from him. I mean seriously hell. I will have to endure verbal torture again. He didn't send any resumes for a few months cos he thinks that he needs a break after working for 10 years. I am sure many parents here have worked for 10 years or more. After that few months, he sent a few. Yes, only a few. Totally no response. Now he is not doing anything actively. -
Joule:
..TheAnswer:
My brother has been jobless for more than half a year. My sis in law is not helping in anyway except giving him some more problems. He vents his problems on his friends and family. Calling us stupid, moron, idiot for no reason. He has become so withdrawn that I'm afraid that either they are heading for divorce or maybe worse things might happen. Can anyone offer some advice? Appreciate it!
wow. this one need his good friend or mentor figure to slap the sense into him
need to handle with care:
reason: if you do things for him, it would not help his self esteem any
need counselling, probably
I told him nicely and patiently he has got low self esteem. I know the verbal abuse is due to low self esteem. He turned it around and said I have low self esteem. :slapshead: Good friends advised him many rounds until they call it quits. Who will stay around and get mental torture?
:mad: :siam:
Friends all run away cos they all cannot ask how he is? Mentor figure is like non existent! He used to confide in me especially when we were younger. -
TheAnswer:
My brother has been jobless for more than half a year. My sis in law is not helping in anyway except giving him some more problems. He vents his problems on his friends and family. Calling us stupid, moron, idiot for no reason. He has become so withdrawn that I'm afraid that either they are heading for divorce or maybe worse things might happen. Can anyone offer some advice? Appreciate it!
It depends on the kind of relation that you have with your brother and your SIL .How do you know what your SIL is going through ?? You seem to brand her as a non-caring person with your first statement. If you have never been good to them and suddenly become a very caring person - it would take a while for them to understand your good intentions.You could probably help the family by giving some money to help them tide over their difficult time or take their kids for an outing.If you are just going to talk to your brother all the time about the job - you are not helping instead you are just frustrating him more. -
TheAnswer:
..Joule:
[quote=\"TheAnswer\"]My brother has been jobless for more than half a year. My sis in law is not helping in anyway except giving him some more problems. He vents his problems on his friends and family. Calling us stupid, moron, idiot for no reason. He has become so withdrawn that I'm afraid that either they are heading for divorce or maybe worse things might happen. Can anyone offer some advice? Appreciate it!
wow. this one need his good friend or mentor figure to slap the sense into him
need to handle with care:
reason: if you do things for him, it would not help his self esteem any.
need counselling, probably
I told him nicely and patiently he has got low self esteem. I know the verbal abuse is due to low self esteem. He turned it around and said I have low self esteem. :slapshead: Good friends advised him many rounds until they call it quits. Who will stay around and get mental torture? :mad: :siam:
Friends all run away cos they all cannot ask how he is? Mentor figure is like non existent! He used to confide in me especially when we were younger.[/quote]
Geee whiz. It's really hard to give this guy an ultimatum to get his shit together.
The last time something like this remotely worked was when the wife threatened to up and go and take the kids along unless the guy went for counselling.
oh the flip side I can understand how ANNOYING it is when the wife (and sister / and mother) keeps asking you for months on end whether you've found a job or not. (not that I'm condoning yelling at those who are concerned about you though)
my sympathies.
maybe you can lay off the concern for the time being and let him stew.
by the way the guy has no job means totally no job is it?
not like , oh, I got a job but I quit within the first week because yadada yadada like it's too far etc etc -
TheAnswer:
8 Months and he is still surviving on his savings? It's a cruel world, once the $$ runs out, he will have to go back to work.leongmichael:
8 mths is really too long..... not sure what is holding him back from trying with all his effort to get a job. Telling him to get a job may be the last thing he wants to hear now. He may need more help. Why not \"hand hold\" him for now. Go submit his name to recruiting companies, monitor the replies for him, reply for him, submit documents for him, rehearse interviews with him, take him to interviews, encourage him to look presentable & stay positive, and when he gets a job, take him to work for the first few days. It may seem like you are treating him like a child and it may sound extreme ......but 8 months is too long. All the best!
I think if I am going to do send his resumes for him. I will get hell from him. I mean seriously hell. I will have to endure verbal torture again. He didn't send any resumes for a few months cos he thinks that he needs a break after working for 10 years. I am sure many parents here have worked for 10 years or more. After that few months, he sent a few. Yes, only a few. Totally no response. Now he is not doing anything actively. -
Geee whiz. It's really hard to give this guy an ultimatum to get his shit together.
The last time something like this remotely worked was when the wife threatened to up and go and take the kids along unless the guy went for counselling.
oh the flip side I can understand how ANNOYING it is when the wife (and sister / and mother) keeps asking you for months on end whether you've found a job or not. (not that I'm condoning yelling at those who are concerned about you though)
my sympathies.
maybe you can lay off the concern for the time being and let him stew.
by the way the guy has no job means totally no job is it?
not like , oh, I got a job but I quit within the first week because yadada yadada like it's too far etc etc[/quote]
Totally no replies for jobs. That's what he told me. I have no idea how often mum, dad and wife ask him about the job. But I only ask once a month. Initially I didn't ask for 2 months or so but when I saw that nothing is moving I tried to do sth about it.
Then it's when I got all the lashing! :?: :imdrowning: :stompfeet:
Thank goodness. No kids involved! -
8 Months and he is still surviving on his savings? It's a cruel world, once the $$ runs out, he will have to go back to work.[/quote]
Yes. It's a cruel world. Savings ran out. Mum, dad, sis supporting now. I can't see the difference in him before and after marriage. :yikes:
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