if i am a mil,

[janet88]

Hi Han Seo,

You are really a wonderful daughter-in-law for doing all this.
It’s impt your hubby appreciates what you are doing and I’m sure you will be rewarded for your kindness.

[vinegar]

janet_lee88:

No need to wait so long...when kids go to sec school, we should be able to enjoy couple time?


Definitely no to staying with son and his future wife...will be taken for granted. Maybe ok to staying near daughter and her family though.

couple time will nvr happen to us.he probably would busy attending his mum's endless attn.

yes,agree.will not stay wf his future wife,lots of prob esp Y generation hv very different as us.

[janet88]

vinegar:

janet_lee88:

Definitely no to staying with son and his future wife...will be taken for granted. Maybe ok to staying near daughter and her family though.

couple time will nvr happen to us.he probably would busy attending his mum's endless attn.

yes,agree.will not stay wf his future wife,lots of prob esp Y generation hv very different as us.

what you mentioned is very true...think he will be attending to his mother more if he is free...and she will be more attention seeking.

no need to think so far...bro's wife is already one of a kind. next generation will be very different from us.

[ngl2010]

vinegar:

janet_lee88:

No need to wait so long...when kids go to sec school, we should be able to enjoy couple time?


Definitely no to staying with son and his future wife...will be taken for granted. Maybe ok to staying near daughter and her family though.

couple time will nvr happen to us.he probably would busy attending his mum's endless attn.

yes,agree.will not stay wf his future wife,lots of prob esp Y generation hv very different as us.

Hmmmm.... How old is your mil? It maybe taboo to say this but she won't be around forever, right? Find out how old her mother is when passed away and whether her female siblings are still around and you can estimate.

Sorry, forummers, don't :torchme: me ar... I am just being practical....

[vinegar]

ngl2010:

Hmmmm.... How old is your mil? It maybe taboo to say this but she won't be around forever, right? Find out how old her mother is when passed away and whether her female siblings are still around and you can estimate.

Sorry, forummers, don't :torchme: me ar... I am just being practical....

she's only 71.Long way to go.She was survivor of cancer 10yrs ago.Very strong,healthy with high pitch & loud voice.All her female siblings still ard. :roll:

[vinegar]

she always tell ppl proudly that she’ll 长命百岁…

[janet88]

mine here also around that age…voice and pitch still loud, temper still hot but health wise not so.

[nightlone]

janet_lee88:

Laura02:

I remember reading this phrase that apparently popular in 1950s America


\"You son is your son till he gets a wife. You daughter is your daughter all her life\"

No matter how much unhappiness, daughter will still be daughter.
Aunt once told me, to have a daughter is to 防老...try doing that with daughter-in-law, there will be a sting for life. I will not adopt a 'I am a mother-in-law...so you listen to me' mentality. But just be cordial, in order not to put son in the middle.

not all daughters, imho. some are scared of husband so do not do whatever it is that you guys think they do or will do. i have 4 very good examples.

[nightlone]

Han Seo:

janet_lee88:

[quote=\"Laura02\"]I remember reading this phrase that apparently popular in 1950s America


\"You son is your son till he gets a wife. You daughter is your daughter all her life\"

No matter how much unhappiness, daughter will still be daughter.
Aunt once told me, to have a daughter is to 防老...try doing that with daughter-in-law, there will be a sting for life. I will not adopt a 'I am a mother-in-law...so you listen to me' mentality. But just be cordial, in order not to put son in the middle.

Er...excuse me. Not all daughter-in-law take away their son from their mum hor.

I help my hubby take his mum for most of her medical appointments, now that she is old and has difficulty walking. I also help fetch her to and from the hospital after day surgeries. This is also one of the reasons why I do part-time work; to help hubby with all his mum's medical appointment. If not, I don't see how he can afford to take so many days' leave to look after his mum. 3 days' parental leave is not enough. As she gets older, his mum's medical problems also increase; from dementia, to frequent falls, cataract, dental and chronic pain. Each health issue requires one specialist appointment.

This, despite the fact that his mum has never bothered to remember my birthday nor buy anything for me when she went on holidays. She bought things for her son only.[/quote] :goodpost:
like i said before, good mil, good dil.
i hate those old ppl who think that just because they are old, they have all sorts of rights, to interfere with your life, your family's decisions, be rude, ba dao etc.
do they not think or remember how it was like before with their own mil?
if their mil was 'bad'/'good', why? Did she like it or not? And if she was doing the same things as her own mil, then should she be surprised that things turn out the way they do?

[Laura02]

I constantly remind myself that I cannot change other people, but I can change my attitude and opinions to the things that they do and say to me. Its like is the glass half full, or half empty.

My MIL stays with us, and we have had to adjust to the "inconveniences" that this arrangements bring. But over time, these adjustments have become not "inconveniences", but "considerations".
Initially, my mom commented that I was nicer to my MIL than to her. She used to worry that she wouldn’t get along with her DIL. But both my brothers did not marry and stay with her now.
What’s worse - to not get along with you DIL, or to not have any DIL.