What is wrong with my son?!!!
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ChiefKiasu:
Thanks Chief for your advice, I've never tried reverse gear and this is something new and worth trying! It's definitely a challenge for myself too! My son is my motivation factor now for me to kick start a long overdue task, I hope he will change for better then.
What I suggest is that you reverse gears totally. Don't punish him. Instead, bring him out for dinner, saying that you just want to celebrate the completion of yet another year, but not the results. Don't talk about his results or lessons learnt. He himself feels bad already, and is expecting you to repeat what has always been said to him. Surprise him by not talking about it at all. Believe me, kids are more afraid when parents don't do as they expect.
Over the next 2 weeks, do something to improve yourself, something you have never done before. It can be to start on a regular exercise programme, or to learn a new skill, like a language. If he ask you what you are doing, say that you are doing it to improve yourself. Explain to him how even at your age, you have to study or work hard just to bring bread home to the family. Life is a continuous learning experience, and there are always tests along the way to challenge our resolve. It is only when we overcome these challenges that we can emerge to become better versions of ourselves. Now you can bring up the fact that not doing well in his previous exams only give him the opportunity to improve himself significantly, if he is prepared to work hard. Challenge him to work with you - if you can pick up that skill at your age, then he should be able to work hard and do better in his exams. -
hquek:
Dear Hquek,Hi JJJMom,
It may not be he doesn't understand the subjects - you will know better in his daily work. Could it be due to stress during exam? I blanked out during my o level prelims and forgot everything - it was a really scary experience. Had to compose myself before things came back to me.
If so, caning/reprimanding will only increase the fear of exam in future.
Perhaps you can try to communicate with him more - don't focus on exam, it's past. But try probe if he faces such problems when it's time to put pen on paper.
Probably you may like to focus on exam techniques and how to overcome the fear of such with him first.
Hope things work out!
I should have heard him out when he told me about exam stress then. I was battling to find time for myself and brushed him off then.
Like you said I will try my best to help him overcome exam fears and teach him the exam techniques. Hope he will do better in coming exams.
Not much time left, next year is PSLE ! I am really really very worried for him......
Sometimes I hope he can be like my elder son, I know every child is unique and I should not compared! -
yat23yat23:
i thot i was the only one facing this problem. my son is in P2. he failed his maths paper in P1 and he failed again this year. his Eng and MT marks are not that good either. i'm upset because i know he can do better and i had hoped that he would perform better than last year.
Yes, it is painful. This is what parenting is really all about, to be able to accept our children for what they are and to try different ways of helping them improve until we find one that works.yat23yat23:
Sometimes, that might indeed be the solution. For example, a child may not do well in Chinese because he has no motivation to learn Chinese, so sending him to more academic Chinese classes or tuition will only compound the problem instead of helping him. We have to think of ways to open his mind and understand for himself why he should be learning Chinese. It is not to pass or do well in exams. It is so that he can enjoy Chinese movies or cartoons, to be able to interact and play with Chinese friends, or to be able to read Chinese martial arts novels such as Monkey God or the Three Kingdoms. The trick is to find out what he likes, and to design his education around it.all his form teacher can say is he needs to be more focussed. when asked how the school can help, she just gave me tips on how i can \"train\" him to be more focussed.
yat23yat23:
I think that is the right decision. Not all tuition centres are good. But you must have a good alternative plan to monitor his progress at home.i've decided to pull my son out from his tuition centre. he was there since P1 and no improvement at all.
yat23yat23:
It is said that a mother's love for her son is unconditional, but a father's love is earned. Rightly or wrongly, we daddies tend to be a lot harder on our boys because of our own experiences.my husband doesn't know of the results yet cos the report book hasn't been given out. i'll have to make sure that my husband doesn't over react. we both had put in a lot of effort when it comes to his studies and prayed for him as well.
yat23yat23:
5 years is a long time. It is more than half your son's current age. Remember how proud you were when he made his first steps, or when he called your name. We were so much more forgiving then of his failures and falls, but the moment he made it, somehow the magic is broken and we expect more. We forget how we ourselves had difficulty learning to walk in the first place. We no longer applaud his ability to run or talk because we EXPECT him to be able to do so. And now we apply the same expectation on our children to be able to score well on subjects that they only started learning a couple of months ago, just because his teachers expect them to be able to do so, and his classmates seem to have no problems with the subject matter. We need to take a step back and try to see it from his point of view. Perhaps then we will see the mountain that he sees in place of the ant-hill that we assume the problem to be.every night, i ask myself: what i should do to help him; what have i not done correctly; if he can't pull through P1 & P2, how is he going to pull through till P6.
yat23yat23:
I think it is an excellent idea for you to attend parenting talks and learn from experts. I myself have benefited much from such talks. As to professional evaluation, why not just let him spend some time with a trusted relative who can open his heart and find out what is troubling him? It might just work and is much cheaper :).i'm attending a talk tomorrow about the various learning disabilities in children. i hope to learn something from it. i'm quite keen to do an evaluation but i know that it is expensive and not a one-time thing.
i definitely can't afford the cost. -
My son is in P1 this year and he is also very careless, cannot focus and don’t know how to read the question again and again till he understand. His SA2 was not good too. One of my friend told me that his nephew, P5 this year did quite badly for the past few years. Recommeded by one of the friends, he attended 1 of the enrichment school (quite famous) and for don’t know 1 or 2 terms. This year his result although were not very good but he passed the subjects that he used to fail. The school’s fee were quite expensive but could pay by instalments. His parent are very happy with what they have spent. Do you think we should try out these centres? They are said to have methods to teach the child how to remember things, motivate them and parents must also attend some kind of talk too. Any parents with kids going to these centres can share?
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yat23yat23:
yat23yat23, can share the tips that the the teacher taught on how to be more focus? I heard the evaluation plus report is about $500/-.i thot i was the only one facing this problem. my son is in P2. he failed his maths paper in P1 and he failed again this year. his Eng and MT marks are not that good either. i'm upset because i know he can do better and i had hoped that he would perform better than last year.
all his form teacher can say is he needs to be more focussed. when asked how the school can help, she just gave me tips on how i can \"train\" him to be more focussed.
i've decided to pull my son out from his tuition centre. he was there since P1 and no improvement at all.
my husband doesn't know of the results yet cos the report book hasn't been given out. i'll have to make sure that my husband doesn't over react. we both had put in a lot of effort when it comes to his studies and prayed for him as well.
every night, i ask myself: what i should do to help him; what have i not done correctly; if he can't pull through P1 & P2, how is he going to pull through till P6.
i'm attending a talk tomorrow about the various learning disabilities in children. i hope to learn something from it. i'm quite keen to do an evaluation but i know that it is expensive and not a one-time thing.
i definitely can't afford the cost. -
JH:
My son is in P1 this year and he is also very careless, cannot focus and don't know how to read the question again and again till he understand. His SA2 was not good too. One of my friend told me that his nephew, P5 this year did quite badly for the past few years. Recommeded by one of the friends, he attended 1 of the enrichment school (quite famous) and for don't know 1 or 2 terms. This year his result although were not very good but he passed the subjects that he used to fail. The school's fee were quite expensive but could pay by instalments. His parent are very happy with what they have spent. Do you think we should try out these centres? They are said to have methods to teach the child how to remember things, motivate them and parents must also attend some kind of talk too. Any parents with kids going to these centres can share?
Is this MindCamp as i heard they are good but for bigger kids, not kindergarten and below - fees are real high.. Not sure if anyone heard of this or there's other centers that does this? -
ChiefKiasu:
ChiefKS,
We were so much more forgiving then of his failures and falls, but the moment he made it, somehow the magic is broken and we expect more. We forget how we ourselves had difficulty learning to walk in the first place. We no longer applaud his ability to run or talk because we EXPECT him to be able to do so. And now we apply the same expectation on our children to be able to score well on subjects that they only started learning a couple of months ago, just because his teachers expect them to be able to do so, and his classmates seem to have no problems with the subject matter. We need to take a step back and try to see it from his point of view. Perhaps then we will see the mountain that he sees in place of the ant-hill that we assume the problem to be.
Thanks for highlighting that. Ya..I do need to keep my expectations in check at times. Whenever I feel like flaring up over the failure to do well, it helps to remember that my boy was there for me when I http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_FucD9Mp8vRI/SL4_v9HP0JI/AAAAAAAABAc/SapCHHJNpIA/s1600-h/scan0002.jpg too. -
Jedamum wrote [quote]Ya..I do need to keep my expectations in check at times.[/quote]
If I'm upset with my kids performance, I often reflect back how I am at their age. My kids inherited my genes, my quirks, my abilities & my short falls. I must also take into consideration what was taught in the past compared to what is being taught now is completely at different level.
Jedamum wrote [quote]my boy was there for me when I failed too[/quote]Your boy is so caring and clever. I can guess what it is that upset you. Persevere! You will succeed eventually.
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JH,
I will definitely update everyone about the outcome of the talk by Dr Doris Ang (she’s got her own clinic). She has dyslexia and had her fair share of problems coping with schoolwork and her family’s criticisms. If you type in her name in the internet, there’ll be a lot of info about her work and contributions. She also gives talk at KKH (child guidance clinic), SPARKS and many other institutions.
I’m happy to be able to pour out my feelings. Thanks for all the words of encouragement. -
jedamum:
my boy was there for me when I failed too.
Dear Jedamum,
So touched to see the note that your boy wrote. He is so innocent and compassionate. That reminds me as an adult to be more forgiving when our children fell/failed to meet our expectation, to sympathize them and support them when they need us most. Sometimes I'm such a failure too!
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