All About Autism

[nugget]

buds,


Great post. Your words touched me. How our kids progresses depends on the people they met. You are a very kind and caring teachers. Your students are very lucky.

[helplessmum3]

Buds , how social stories works like ?


I’m catch no balls yet … Sorry …

[buds]

Hi Double E.. I'm am very happy that the method worked out for you and of course your son. :snuggles: I find that it is easy for us to get agitated when something frustrates us and the inclination to scream at a child is an almost natural reaction, whether we are handling or working with special-needs children or normal children. It takes a lot from us.. a more conscientious effort, to ensure that we do not do that.. but it is just really hard.


More often than we may realize, we seem to focus more on being upset at the child than the real issue at hand.. the \"why\" it happened. I found through repeated trials and errors that it was harder to work on the issues first then the child because the anger within us takes longer to dissipate. It is a natural human response to certain situations that get to us.

When working with these issues with the children, if we try to focus on them first.. ie. how we love them as they were, BEFORE we tackle that something they just came up with, we can help ourselves be less angry (at the child.. the mess.. perhaps the nonsense you think it was at the time..) and of course, less angry at the world.. and i dare say even less angry at God sometimes. We can help the child better by not modelling the unwanted behaviour.. i mean after a few hollers, the child just copies us cos they thought it'd work, since we were doing it. They don't know better. Yet.

When we are less angry, (or better still not angry at all) we are calm enough to restrain the child in gentle ways (rationalize) so that the child is more relaxed (less angry himself).. more willing to listen to what you are going to say next be it an advice or an instruction.

The younger the child, the simpler and the more direct the words should be used. For more verbal children, we can speak to them like little adults.. and for special-needs who are not verbal yet, come up with simple yet concise phrases and phrases that you can repeat should something similar blows up.

If a mess was caused, invite the child to clean it up together with us, as opposed to instruct. To a child, it sounds welcoming and almost already forgiven, hence they may be more willing. For example, \"It would be nice if you could help mommy with this, so do you think you could? I could really use your help.\" or \"Do you think you can help mommy pick this up, because we can clear this up faster if we do it together?\". With my daughters, I tell them, \"More hands make lighter work, so I really appreciate all the help I can get.\"

Shouting seems like an easy way out at the spark of the moment, but a long way and a difficult way to change if we don't remind ourselves to maintain composure. I still have a long way to go in improving myself in this area. I don't wish to keep using the, \"I have so many children and so many things to do!\" as an excuse.

Apart from breathing countdowns as relaxation, if you are from a faith group, you could also use some verses/chants your faith has taught you as another measure of keeping your cool. This way it can benefit both sides - mom and child - for you are sowing all the good seeds of love two-ways for the love you show and the love you allow your child to feel will be reciprocated in similar ways if not the same. From yourself and the God that each of you believe in (if any).

Have a blessed week ahead.

[buds]

To the other great moms, ImMeeMee and helplessmum3.. please give me some time to reply you the best way i can with regards to the Montessori thingies. :hugs:

[buds]

Dearest nugget, whether our children are special-needs or normal.. the values that they learn.. the good behaviour that they model.. the kind words that they speak.. all the little things they do are from us - the adults. The adults who know better.


Hence, how our children are shaped from birth to adulthood will depend on the people they meet and interact with in their lives. There will be opportunities for them to build resilience from when they might fall (which they will) but it is more how we teach them to rise up from the fall that matters more than how hard they fell. It takes all to make this world. Though we cannot shield our children from the harsh reality of life, we can show them how to stand tall and that there is a place for everyone of us in this world.

This brings me to the questions normally parents ask me - what i normally look for when selecting a daycare, preschool, playschool (etc) for my children.. my answer is usually \"I look at the teachers first... for a passionate teacher can deliver any methodology tasked upon her. Because she has the heart for the job.\" I also hardly ever question the qualification bit, because in this line it is honestly and ultimately the person that matters not so much how high they have studied, though basic knowledge is required.. a criteria.. to take on the job.

Teaching is almost like parenting.. as parents; we are constantly teaching them too. Not just about academics, but about life. Both vocations require heart work.

Take care. :hugs:

[nugget]

Buds, well said again


I really enjoyed reading your thoughts and insights.

I totally agree our children are a mirror of us. How we behave will directly affects our children thoughts and behaviour too.

[Summer tan]

Thanks buds for sharing. I will try it out when the need arises.


Mummies, my husband and I were talking about the office abused case that happened recently. Both of us felt that the 29 yo victim may be ASD. Feel sad and we started to think if it could happen to our child when he grows up and step into the working world. This brought me back to an incident that happened a mth ago. At his child care, one of his teachers confessed to me that she hit my son's lips on impulse when my son used bad language. As she looked apologetic, i decided to let it go. This, my son never told me.

[Double E]

Summer

Yes, when I saw the news about the office abuse case, I also wonder if the 29 year old undergraduate could be one with development issue or ASD because in a normal circumstances, no one would be able to tolerate such abuse without defending himself.

[helplessmum3]

I feel that I might be like this victim … As I keep doing things wrong…


Lack of confident n infuriating … Not link to asd

[specialboymum]

Hello mummies, been a while since I last check in to this thread.


I saw the video too. Feel sad for the young man. Like many of you, I can’t help but worry for my kid as he grow up. I don’t know whether that young man has ASD or not, however It is quite for common for people on the spectrum to have issues with self confidence and hence lack of the courage to fend for themselves. I’m beginning to see the lack of self confidence in my boy too as he is developing the self awareness.
Sigh! That is the challenging part of raising up special need kids, beside the need to work hard to help them to cope academically, we still need to do more to ensure they are equip with sufficient life skill and social skill