All About Autism
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buds:
Thanks for sharing :goodpost:From my experience working with children with special needs, here was what I did...
When I was told that I had to work with special children, I first confronted my employer that I wasn't properly trained to do so. As an educator, I felt that my time with the children will be more meaningful if I could help them. I didn't know if I could with special needs children. As an employee, I was never given a choice as to whom I had to work with.. nevertheless, I went to work with an open mind.
I didn't realize how challenging it was going to be. Each time I thought the challenges were hard enough, more difficult ones showed up. The fact is that I was not special-needs trained. Due to the environment of the Montessori Method, the children are usually independent and they can take instructions fairly well once adjusted to the routine. However, with some special-needs children they had a mind of their own. I formed many social stories in my mind for the different scenarios that I could pre-empt but still I found myself at a block some times.
For mild special-needs the meltdowns were mallow and the children slightly easier to coax and pacify. But I have had materials thrown at me till I was injured when I was told to work with the more extreme cases. There were some cases that were not declared.
In the Montessori environment where directresses are encouraged only positive responses when working with children, it seemed that the usual tact and gentle instruction or reminders may not work the same way for special-needs children. Throughout the many engagements with special-needs children of varying types and of different spectrums and also normal children, I learnt one important thing. Whether they are special-needs or normal functioning children, they all responded to the warmth of love and care. They can sense.. they can tell if someone is genuine, or just putting up appearances.
I persevered to work things differently as I tried different ways to handle those sparks within me. I am a directress but I am also human and we can be pushed over the edge sometimes. However, it is how we deal with it that is important. How we come back to it.. and try to keep at it, each time it seems to sizzle inside..
The next time I was faced with a child with a meltdown, I softly touched his/her arm. I'd say, \"I love you. I'm going to hug you now..\" During the embrace, I continue to affirm the child by saying I love you. Then comes the explanation. For example, \"I love you. You know I do. But I am sad.. sad because this is not nice.\" I re-emphasize the same thing but this time looking into the child's eyes. \"Toys are for playing. It hurts when it is thrown on my head. It does. (rubbing my head) It is not nice but I still love you and now after you hug me again.. tightly.. we will continue to play together again, yes?\"
It took time for this to work, depending on the child I was working with. However, this way took my anger way faster while I run through the social stories I have prepared in my mind to continue what I wanted to say. For the children who were not very verbal yet, and they normally use facial cards - with expressions.. I would point to the expression at the moment. I will reiterate whether I was happy or sad or even at times angry. However, as educators we naturally can't yell or scold the child endlessly but during angry moments, the words will be short, yet firm/curt to display the effect of the seriousness of the matter.
I am just sharing what eventually though slowly worked for me.. even now with my own children. When any of them acts up or if one shouts/hits another sibling.. I'd start with the gentle stroke on the arm, tell them I'm going to hug them (some children might resist initially) and tell them we love them.. a few times.. and later the explanation. It takes a lot of me to do this especially when I have to work with all four of them in one room at the same time (my own kids la) but it is encouraging when I see my elder son stroke his baby brother so gently and say \"I love you, baby... but cannot throw ok... it's painful. My trains will spoil. No battery.\" He meant, if the trains are thrown on the floor there won't be any sound on his trains. He is right about that. Then, he will hug the baby with my help because at this time he doesn't know how to do it gently and tends to fall on or fall over the baby instead. So he will tell me, \"Mommy, I hug baby.\" That would be my cue to help him hug.
I am merely sharing and not sure if it may work with you or your children but like they say, never doubt the power of love. The warmth of love of a parent or educator can be felt whether or not the child can tell you it did.
Wishing all of you a good weekend ahead. :grphug: -
Montessori teachers are already special needs trained , don’t they ?
Dr Montessori come out w these teaching are made for specials , no ? -
Helplessmum
Helplessmum
Montessori teachers are not special needs trained, just that the montessori method is suitable to teach ASD kids but that doesn’t mean the teachers are special needs trained. Just like, I can swim but that doesn’t mean I am a competitive swimmer that can take part in competitions, it takes more than just knowing how to swim to be a competitive swimmer.
Buds
Thanks for the constructive feedback and sharing. U know what, I tried your method on my son today when he flared up again, it worked. I managed to stop his meltdown from manifesting and I didn’t shout at him. I appreciate such sharing. -
Double E:
One more time.... :lovesite:Helplessmum
Helplessmum
Montessori teachers are not special needs trained, just that the montessori method is suitable to teach ASD kids but that doesn't mean the teachers are special needs trained. Just like, I can swim but that doesn't mean I am a competitive swimmer that can take part in competitions, it takes more than just knowing how to swim to be a competitive swimmer.
Buds
Thanks for the constructive feedback and sharing. U know what, I tried your method on my son today when he flared up again, it worked. I managed to stop his meltdown from manifesting and I didn't shout at him. I appreciate such sharing. -
buds thanks for the sharing. Its a great post. :hugs:
one thing I have always wondered, the Montessori methodology was developed somewhat with the special needs child in mind. But when I look at the Montessori environment, its quite free flowing and independent, and that seems like a step back for the ASD child who needs structure and form to guide the learning.
How would you rationalize that? -
buds,
Great post. Your words touched me. How our kids progresses depends on the people they met. You are a very kind and caring teachers. Your students are very lucky. -
Buds , how social stories works like ?
I’m catch no balls yet … Sorry … -
Hi Double E.. I'm am very happy that the method worked out for you and of course your son. :snuggles: I find that it is easy for us to get agitated when something frustrates us and the inclination to scream at a child is an almost natural reaction, whether we are handling or working with special-needs children or normal children. It takes a lot from us.. a more conscientious effort, to ensure that we do not do that.. but it is just really hard.
More often than we may realize, we seem to focus more on being upset at the child than the real issue at hand.. the \"why\" it happened. I found through repeated trials and errors that it was harder to work on the issues first then the child because the anger within us takes longer to dissipate. It is a natural human response to certain situations that get to us.
When working with these issues with the children, if we try to focus on them first.. ie. how we love them as they were, BEFORE we tackle that something they just came up with, we can help ourselves be less angry (at the child.. the mess.. perhaps the nonsense you think it was at the time..) and of course, less angry at the world.. and i dare say even less angry at God sometimes. We can help the child better by not modelling the unwanted behaviour.. i mean after a few hollers, the child just copies us cos they thought it'd work, since we were doing it. They don't know better. Yet.
When we are less angry, (or better still not angry at all) we are calm enough to restrain the child in gentle ways (rationalize) so that the child is more relaxed (less angry himself).. more willing to listen to what you are going to say next be it an advice or an instruction.
The younger the child, the simpler and the more direct the words should be used. For more verbal children, we can speak to them like little adults.. and for special-needs who are not verbal yet, come up with simple yet concise phrases and phrases that you can repeat should something similar blows up.
If a mess was caused, invite the child to clean it up together with us, as opposed to instruct. To a child, it sounds welcoming and almost already forgiven, hence they may be more willing. For example, \"It would be nice if you could help mommy with this, so do you think you could? I could really use your help.\" or \"Do you think you can help mommy pick this up, because we can clear this up faster if we do it together?\". With my daughters, I tell them, \"More hands make lighter work, so I really appreciate all the help I can get.\"
Shouting seems like an easy way out at the spark of the moment, but a long way and a difficult way to change if we don't remind ourselves to maintain composure. I still have a long way to go in improving myself in this area. I don't wish to keep using the, \"I have so many children and so many things to do!\" as an excuse.
Apart from breathing countdowns as relaxation, if you are from a faith group, you could also use some verses/chants your faith has taught you as another measure of keeping your cool. This way it can benefit both sides - mom and child - for you are sowing all the good seeds of love two-ways for the love you show and the love you allow your child to feel will be reciprocated in similar ways if not the same. From yourself and the God that each of you believe in (if any).
Have a blessed week ahead. -
To the other great moms, ImMeeMee and helplessmum3.. please give me some time to reply you the best way i can with regards to the Montessori thingies. :hugs:
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Dearest nugget, whether our children are special-needs or normal.. the values that they learn.. the good behaviour that they model.. the kind words that they speak.. all the little things they do are from us - the adults. The adults who know better.
Hence, how our children are shaped from birth to adulthood will depend on the people they meet and interact with in their lives. There will be opportunities for them to build resilience from when they might fall (which they will) but it is more how we teach them to rise up from the fall that matters more than how hard they fell. It takes all to make this world. Though we cannot shield our children from the harsh reality of life, we can show them how to stand tall and that there is a place for everyone of us in this world.
This brings me to the questions normally parents ask me - what i normally look for when selecting a daycare, preschool, playschool (etc) for my children.. my answer is usually \"I look at the teachers first... for a passionate teacher can deliver any methodology tasked upon her. Because she has the heart for the job.\" I also hardly ever question the qualification bit, because in this line it is honestly and ultimately the person that matters not so much how high they have studied, though basic knowledge is required.. a criteria.. to take on the job.
Teaching is almost like parenting.. as parents; we are constantly teaching them too. Not just about academics, but about life. Both vocations require heart work.
Take care. :hugs: -
Buds, well said again
I really enjoyed reading your thoughts and insights.
I totally agree our children are a mirror of us. How we behave will directly affects our children thoughts and behaviour too. -
Thanks buds for sharing. I will try it out when the need arises.
Mummies, my husband and I were talking about the office abused case that happened recently. Both of us felt that the 29 yo victim may be ASD. Feel sad and we started to think if it could happen to our child when he grows up and step into the working world. This brought me back to an incident that happened a mth ago. At his child care, one of his teachers confessed to me that she hit my son's lips on impulse when my son used bad language. As she looked apologetic, i decided to let it go. This, my son never told me. -
Summer
Yes, when I saw the news about the office abuse case, I also wonder if the 29 year old undergraduate could be one with development issue or ASD because in a normal circumstances, no one would be able to tolerate such abuse without defending himself. -
I feel that I might be like this victim … As I keep doing things wrong…
Lack of confident n infuriating … Not link to asd -
Hello mummies, been a while since I last check in to this thread.
I saw the video too. Feel sad for the young man. Like many of you, I can’t help but worry for my kid as he grow up. I don’t know whether that young man has ASD or not, however It is quite for common for people on the spectrum to have issues with self confidence and hence lack of the courage to fend for themselves. I’m beginning to see the lack of self confidence in my boy too as he is developing the self awareness.
Sigh! That is the challenging part of raising up special need kids, beside the need to work hard to help them to cope academically, we still need to do more to ensure they are equip with sufficient life skill and social skill -
While we all will be concerned about how our kids may be treated badly, what I wonder is why the man didn’t actually say anything to his parents? Is he non-verbal? But he is apparently a university graduate! Or did his parents not do anything until it became public? I can’t imagine that this could happen to my child and she not tell me, and I certainly would not allow her to remain in such a place.
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Hi mummies,
I’m looking for a chinese tutor who has experience or doesn’t mind teaching special needs kids. Please pm me if you have any good recommendation.
My boy is slipping in his school work and is doing quite badly for his chinese. While I know we have the choice to request for withdrawal from chinese, I would like to give it one more try, also give him the chance to learn the language -
I saw the video clip too. The news was also featured in today’s ST.
The report did not cite whether the 29-yo intern was a special needs individual, but I suppose as parents of special needs children we cant help but jump at such things and relate them to what will happen to our kids when they grow up.
I too have this fear, and the worry about my doter’s future is constantly on my mind. Social enterprises are getting more now, and maybe there will be more of such empathetic business entities in the future. We just have to keep looking. -
bunhead:
Hi! i have a son with Aspegers syndrome who is now 19 years old and is now in Poly. He was diagnosed at the age of 4 and it was initially very tough for us. Things now are better... he has come a long way as in he now has friends and is working towards his diploma ... has worked part time in retail and other jobs too... i guess what i am getting at is that if your kid has been diagnosed... have faith and things will improve... having said that, the child needs to have confidence and learn that they need to learn to conform (for want of a better word) to society and not the other way around. The reason being that although singapore is now more open in discussing ASD and special needs, there are still so many many ignorant people that are so impatient and unaccepting of our special children. Teach your kids to report any kind of abuse.... verbal or physical... I dont know if the guy in the video has special needs but he certainly seems to not have any self confidence - he just sat there and allowed the abuse without even defending himself.
Bunhead
Is great to know that your boy is now working towards his dip and have friends. All of us here hope our special needs kids can achieve the same.
On the office abuse case, the most recent reports stated that he is 29 years old and have been working in the company for 3 years taking a $500 salary. I am really appalled and wonder what is this guy thinking.
But more than anything, I am really pissed that there is such supervisor in this world, such a big bully. I really hope he gets his punishment. Apparently apart from the 29 year old staff, he also abused other interns. -
Hi Mummies,
My son has difficulty socialising with peers.
Hope to send him to social class.
Can mummies recommend me social class?
Anyone has try Leo Magan?
Thanks so much!