In-law problems?
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mummy of 2:
Frankly I admire my SIL for being able to live with and tolerate her MIL. If my MIL is like hers, there will be WW3 everyday. Imagine she can irritate me during a day trip only, how to live with her :!:
Haha, there was once we go for A Farmosa trip with my new in-laws (that was like donkey years ago), we hired this van to drive us there with another Chinese Family of 3 (FIL's then business partner).
MIL spoke non-stop throughout the drive trip (I'm serious!, it's non-stop talking for at least 3 hours). And this mum from the Chinese Family cornered me and asked how I actually stand all those yakking and non-stop monologue. And whether I realised how fierce she is and how's my MIL's status in the family, as in, does everyone fear her? I smiled simply and just shrugged (U never know when people back-stab you when u make comments).
That was our only trip as a family or with this Chinese family. It was difficult to tolerate her talking cos it's real loud and there is no way anyone can talk from the noise. There were also quarrels and finger-pointing during that trip bec of MIL's behaviour that everyone was with black face and had a bitter taste after that.
Sad right? -
When I was in USA with my MIL, the trick of self-defence I learnt is to SHUT UP. I only talk when necessary.
Till today, I still feel very much pressurised being in the same room and breathing the same air as her :faint: -
kiasimom:
When I was in USA with my MIL, the trick of self-defence I learnt is to SHUT UP. I only talk when necessary.
Yup. I learnt that trick too over the years.kiasimom:
U know I develop headaches when I'm due to visit her. It might be self-inflicted cos I can't stop thinking about her. There is also high intensity in my breathing too and I will lose my temper easily and I vent my frustrations on the boys unknowingly. DH's face gets real red and hot when he is driving over and the usual smiles he has disappear whenever he deals with his mum. It's only when the whole event/dinner is over, then we are back into our usual behaviour.Till today, I still feel very much pressurised being in the same room and breathing the same air as her :faint:
It's worse than going for the exams!!! -
At least my ILs are ok. I don’t mind going on holiday with them. We have gone on a few together, and the holidays are enjoyable.
Can’t say the same for my SIL’s MIL. She’s also the kind who keeeps talking and is really loud. What I can’t stand is she commented that it’s very troublesome to bring my DS1 along :x Excuse me, at no point did I ask you to help look after him on the trip, and neither did you offer so pls do not make such comment. Anyway my DS1 is very well-behaved by most people’s standard, so I can’t imagien what prompted her remark. i just smiled at her and did not say anything. Also it was meant to be our family trip, but YOU wanted to tag along.
But I did comment to my MIl that I did not like hearing that from her. Do not know if she passed on the message to SIL.
Anyway that’s the last trip I will ever take with her. Thank goodness it was only a day trip. -
kiasimom:
When I was in USA with my MIL, the trick of self-defence I learnt is to SHUT UP. I only talk when necessary.
winth:
Yeah, I TRY to but very difficult. I'm literally sick when I see her and SIL fawn over one another although they hate each other.Yup. I learnt that trick too over the years.
I dunno how people can get this fake loh! :roll: kiasimom:
Till today, I still feel very much pressurised being in the same room and breathing the same air as her :faint:
winth:
That's psycho-somatic and you know something??? From this year on, it seems that DH and I are really exhibiting these signs too!U know I develop headaches when I'm due to visit her. It might be self-inflicted cos I can't stop thinking about her. There is also high intensity in my breathing too and I will lose my temper easily and I vent my frustrations on the boys unknowingly. DH's face gets real red and hot when he is driving over and the usual smiles he has disappear whenever he deals with his mum. It's only when the whole event/dinner is over, then we are back into our usual behaviour.
It's worse than going for the exams!!!
I always need to practice lamaze breathing :stupid: :stupid: :stupid: in her presence and yet TRY not to sound as if I'm sighing. Aiyoh!
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Similar with kiasimom, the approach I take with my mil (staying under the same roof) is to "shut up". I rarely talk to her although we are under the same roof. From day one, I’ve analysed her as someone who appears to be easy going but in fact, she is not that easy going. It’s like she likes to say "shui bian" but she is infact not shui bian at all.
Till today, my mum still gives me credit for identifying this trait correctly. Not sure if it is due to our "lack of communication", she is really wierd. When hubby and I went for our shorts in dec without the kids (we deposited the kids with my mum), she would call my mum to ask when are we going and when are we coming back… It’s wierd because hubby told them the information so what is she trying to fish from my mum??? Then she also commented that why are we taking hols again as we just came back from the family holiday. My mum told her that when the school reopens we will be very tied up with the kids again so it’s a good time for us to relax now.
Then during our recent absence, she called my mum to say things like :
1) I am very concerned about the kids’ studies, etc… (Reason being that I am very very strict with the kids. They need to be in my room by 8pm to start their homework/ study. If they don’t, I would scold them as I want to build that discipline). I think my sils are more lax as compared to me. So my mum just told her that of course must be concerned if not how can the kids catch up etc…? You know sometimes I feel that after doing so much (eg. setting nitely revision time and investment in time and $ on their enrichment) I hope the kids don’t fail me and can get decent results when they have major exams. This probably signifies to my mil that yes, what I am doing is fruitful.
2) We engaged a tutor for the kids. I pay the tutor on a per lesson basis. As we are not home, we would pass the $ to pils to handover to the tutor. My pils are financially independent and historically the thrifty type. On seeing the amount I am paying to the tutor, she went to make the remarks to my mum again that wow… the tutor so expensive dunno effective or not,etc… I feel that their heart ache for the $ rather than the effectiveness. This tutor has a track record with my kids and that’s why we got her. My mum knows the tutor as well and so she rebutted her.
3) Last sat, my K1 started her class with LW. So we were preparing to go out in the morning. Again, she was pestering my hubby like… wow she needs to go for class??? How much is it etc…??? I am quite irritated as it’s obvious that it was very $ focus. We are not asking them to pay a single cent and neither are they "suffering" as a result of the kids’ enrichment lessons expenditure we’ve. They still get the allowance and my hubby pays for the household stuff so I don’t understand why she has such a response. What is wrong with sending the kids for enrichment classes? When my kids started pre-nursery she also made comments like dun need to go to school until 5 yrs. Start so early for what???
4) She "complained" to my mum that why do I need to travel for my job. I was like, I only try to travel once a quarter and during hols when it don’t affect the kids. It’s not as though it’s extensive and she rarely see me at home. Then my mum told her it’s good that I’ve my own career and it’s good to travel once a while to gain exposure. It’s a good thing and nothing wrong with it. I feel that just because my sils don’t do it doesn’t mean I cannot do it as well?
In my case, I am thankful for my mother who "can communicate" with my mil. As usual, I will just take a bochap attitude. Haha so much for the grouses I’ve with my mil. I just feel better after complaining and life goes on as per normal.
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Don’t worry, a lot of in laws are like that…
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MMM:
Well-said MMM, that's what this forum is for.
In my case, I am thankful for my mother who \"can communicate\" with my mil. As usual, I will just take a bochap attitude. Haha so much for the grouses I've with my mil. I just feel better after complaining and life goes on as per normal.
I'm glad that your mum can actually help you communicate better with your MIL as in see it from a grandparent's viewpoint. My mum did and still does (when required i.e., MIL calls her up); and I think it is easier for them to take it from another older person rather than us...
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It is indeed heart-warming to know ILs and ILs can communicate to each other.
This is something hard to come by.
Especially if your MIL can talk to your Mom.
To me, thanks but no thanks -
kiasimom:
morning kiasimom, looks like we've all had a change of schedule this year eh?It is indeed heart-warming to know ILs and ILs can communicate to each other.
This is something hard to come by.
Especially if your MIL can talk to your Mom.
To me, thanks but no thanks
ILs can speak to ILs but then sometimes it's to fish for information and competition lah! My MIL's favourite phrase is \"is it???!? :shock: they didn't tell me...\"
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