In-law problems?

[Andaiz]

MMM:

In my case, I am thankful for my mother who \"can communicate\" with my mil. As usual, I will just take a bochap attitude. Haha so much for the grouses I've with my mil. I just feel better after complaining and life goes on as per normal.

Well-said MMM, that's what this forum is for.

I'm glad that your mum can actually help you communicate better with your MIL as in see it from a grandparent's viewpoint. My mum did and still does (when required i.e., MIL calls her up); and I think it is easier for them to take it from another older person rather than us...

[kiasimom]

It is indeed heart-warming to know ILs and ILs can communicate to each other.

This is something hard to come by.

Especially if your MIL can talk to your Mom.

To me, thanks but no thanks

[Andaiz]

kiasimom:

It is indeed heart-warming to know ILs and ILs can communicate to each other.

This is something hard to come by.

Especially if your MIL can talk to your Mom.

To me, thanks but no thanks

morning kiasimom, looks like we've all had a change of schedule this year eh?

ILs can speak to ILs but then sometimes it's to fish for information and competition lah! My MIL's favourite phrase is \"is it???!? :shock: they didn't tell me...\"

[kiasimom]

Morning Andaiz dear,


My schedule is still the same la.
Wakes up at 5am to spend time with Smarty before he goes to school

Talking about MIL talking to Mom, it is NEVER

I doubt my mom will know how to handle my MIL, so I will rather keep the relationship as low-key as possible.

Sometimes, it is no good to be too acquainted.
Same goes to staying under the same roof with MIL.

If we stay together, I bet we will be at each other throat.
By staying apart, at least there is some respect from both of us.

The more acquainted you are with someone, the more you will say things to hurt that person as you are too comfortable with that person.

That’s why till today, my relationship with my ILs are merely superficial.
We still respect each other but sorry, not too personal though

I think I speak to you more than I speak to them

[buds]

Andaiz:

Well-said MMM, that's what this forum is for.


I'm glad that your mum can actually help you communicate better with your MIL as in see it from a grandparent's viewpoint. My mum did and still does (when required i.e., MIL calls her up); and I think it is easier for them to take it from another older person rather than us...

I agree with Andaiz.
You worded it perfectly, MMM.
And boy what a load off now that you've said it, aye.

My parents oso have nevermind attitude & will back us up like
MMM's mommy does. :hugs: They prefer a cordial relationship
rather than black face relationship that my MIL can really do.. :roll:

For a few years, during the New Year my ILs don't even make
effort to go over to my parents' place to visit.. that never mind
oso. When my parents were coming my ILs quickly made a dash
outta the house while i was preparing dinner. Wah liao.. dun
understand them man. It's not as if my parents have done them
wrong or anything.. i also paiseh when my parents, relatives &
cousins ask where they are, i dunno what to say... cos when they
called prior to coming over, the ILs were around. Just seems rather
rude lah to me, that one leaves knowing full well the other person/
people are already on the way over to come see you... to visit you..
Sigh. :roll:

But on a positive note, the entire big group of us had a great time
catching up! And hubs was fantastic help with the kitchen & preparing
the table together with me. My girls occupied the babies & toddlers so
the parents and grandparents can eat and chat. :hugs: And the group
stayed for a few hours just chilling out. It was nice.

There were many occasions too that we had a lotta guests but they
just stayed in their room... and i just said they may be sleeping only
to have them suddenly all coming out the next minute to go to the
kitchen or something.. and just go about their stuff without even a
simple acknowledgment or a nod lah at least to any of the guests.
Sometimes, my guests would acknowledge by nodding and saying..
hi auntie... uncle... only to get no response. I paiseh lah..

My guests will ask, who are they... I said my ILs. Then, they say...
Not that its any of my concern, but why like that? I just tell them
I reali dunno and i apologize for the lack of courtesy on their part.
I mean there i was not wanting to make them seem unfriendly or
that they were not nice or that we weren't on good terms or any
thing like that... but the attitude given in the presence of others
just invites questions and makes it difficult for me at times. But i
just try to be diplomatic with my response as much as possible..
Just need to do some quick thinking lah.. I'll say like \"Mebbe they
are just tired, did i tell you they are still working despite their age?\"
Side track a bit lah. Dowan to go into the awkward moment.
If ya noe wat i mean... :oops:

[kiasimom]

Actually hor... I am a bit like buds ILs leh :oops:


My hubs will always inform me in advance if my MIL is coming.

And guess what? If I am at home, I will hide in the room and asks my hubs to tell her I am not at home. ( Many times she didn't bother to ask too. )

And if she happens to drop by when I am out of the house, I will return only after she left.

I do not want to force myself to put on a fake mask and entertain her. Note, the word is ENTERTAIN.

Unless I am forced by circumstances, otherwise I will never want to be in the same room with her.

[mummy of 2]

kiasimom:

It is indeed heart-warming to know ILs and ILs can communicate to each other.

This is something hard to come by.

Especially if your MIL can talk to your Mom.

To me, thanks but no thanks

In my case, it's my MIL who \"counsels\" my mother, ironic?

[winth]

mummy of 2:

kiasimom:

It is indeed heart-warming to know ILs and ILs can communicate to each other.

This is something hard to come by.

Especially if your MIL can talk to your Mom.

To me, thanks but no thanks

In my case, it's my MIL who \"counsels\" my mother, ironic?

For me, I'm happy with both sides not communicating with each other.
Things won't go too wrong or worse off for either party.

[buds]

I'm peacemaker. Mostly if no issue then dowan to make an issue.

Kiasimom, i guess for me when it happened TO ME, it felt kinda
rude. I mean, less than 5 minutes ago call you're in and when
finally arrive, eh? :?

I suppose it is different in your case? :oops: Besides, i was like
being exposed of my own untruth smack in my face in front
of my guests and by then they know something was off
somewhere. As much as possible, i try not to show that
anythin's wrong with our relationship lah.. :oops:

I dun hide behind closed doors. I will prepare everything and
just want everyone to enjoy the time together. I also
invite them to eat with us and all our guests... all inclusive...
no playing favourites and also basic courtesy, if since we're
all eating at that time lar.. Plus i usually cook extra! Happy
cooking i call it. I feel happy to entertain with nice food to eat.
Sometimes like in 4 or 5 different course meal kinds.. I want to
introduce my friends and family/relatives to them so they can
feel that they're part of my family too.. But alas, my intentions
are not usually reciprocated.

[kiasimom]

Hi buds,


Your MIL is lucky to have a DIL like you.
I guess staying together plays a part too.

I don't stay with my MIL and thus that made it easier for me to :siam:

I know, family harmony breeds prosperity.
In my case, I maintain harmony by not being too close to my MIL.

I still treat her with basic respect, still smile and greet her.
We hardly exchange more than 10 words when we have a meal and that meal seems like the longest meal on earth.

I am happy to remain status quo.

As for your case, keep trying and as we mentioned before, your efforts will pay off someday. We will support you!! :celebrate: