In-law problems?
-
Yes. I'm oredi there... At the no comment phase. :lol:
The not-talking-to-one-another phase.. It's like living
with strangers. Yup, i am nice. I attend to all friends
and relatives on her end with deepest respect and
individual attention in fact. I care to remember who
does what and who likes what.. i make effort to
cook for her guests who are also family in my eyes
and my heart and we can share a table of wholesome
feast plus dessert, chats, gossips and many good laughs.
She knows who to tell her tale to and who she shouldn't. -
hquek:
Buds,hi buds,
Been catching this thread on/off. Wow....I feel so bad for you. If my hubby dared to do this, I would have given him the mother of rows. It really takes somebody very strong to be able to sit down quietly and talk it through. Somemore when you were preggy, thank goodness nothing bad came out of it.
Nothing I can add, except 'Jia you!', 'Jia you'.
(and I cannot help but add: 天ęē¼)
I too, like hquek, have been following this thread quietly.
I have not stepped into this thread, simply because I have nothing to share that even remotely compares to what you have been/going thru.
You are really something Buds. I really :salute: you. Honest.
I remember the 1 yr that I lived with my ILs aft marriage, was the lonliest for me. I used to escape to my mom's hse, which frankly, was not anybetter.
I don't have any major grouses with my ILs, they have helped me alot. But in honest fact its because of my DH and now, my DS.
Anyway, I salute you because I used to get irritated over trivial matters pertaining to my ILs. Now I have reached to the point where even if I don't agree, I will say yes to make them happy, then confide to DH and let him know my true feelings. But you have been doing this since eons.
When I told DH to move out after marriage, he called me a b_ _ _ _ _ for trying to break up the family even b4 becoming a DIL. For me, it was simple, I just didn't want tension to arise cuz my SIL and mom didn't get along. It was fear on my part that it would happen to me as well. he did not understand that.
Anyway, we moved out after 2 yrs cuz DH saw the light somehow, as well as the fact that I think he could not take my tactful nagging anymore. He is also not a confrontational person, v to do with his legal backgrd - v (sometimes) irritatingly cool, calm and collected.
For eg, on fri nights, while watching late nite DVD, ILs will nag at us to go and sleep, like we were sch going kids
Then when I gave birth to DS, MIL literally harrassed (really) me abt breastfeeding. She did not believe in the merits of it.
It is much much later in the marriage that I realized that my ILs are really ok. They never interfered in our marriage, only now, there is a little teeny bit of tension on my part because of upbringing of DS as he spends 3 times a week there. Things like eg I control his intake of chocolates and sweets (special occasions) but they don't.
So once again, I :salute: you buds and also the others (DILs) who have been resilient and 'silent' and most importantly, NEVER once got their kids involved in the ongoing 'political' battle. The last one, to me, is really paramount. I have seen that happening and its really not nice.
I second hquek on this:hquek:
I also believe that things always have a way of working out. It may not be NOW as you want it. But it will happen. Your efforts will pay off, firstly thru your daughters. You are and will always be a positive role model to them. Second, there is a chance that buds_hubs does see the light. Just that maybe he is caught between a mountain (you, who represents solidity and stability) and the deep blue sea (his mom, who, like the (sea) water, is irrational/not stable and no way of knowing how bad the undercurrents can be, thus have no way of figuring her out, based on what I have read).(and I cannot help but add: 天ęē¼)
Sorri, got too figurative here. -
autumnbronze:
:goodpost: :goodpost: Autumnbronze
Buds,hquek:
hi buds,
Been catching this thread on/off. Wow....I feel so bad for you. If my hubby dared to do this, I would have given him the mother of rows. It really takes somebody very strong to be able to sit down quietly and talk it through. Somemore when you were preggy, thank goodness nothing bad came out of it.
Nothing I can add, except 'Jia you!', 'Jia you'.
(and I cannot help but add: 天ęē¼)
I too, like hquek, have been following this thread quietly.
I have not stepped into this thread, simply because I have nothing to share that even remotely compares to what you have been/going thru.
You are really something Buds. I really :salute: you. Honest.
I remember the 1 yr that I lived with my ILs aft marriage, was the lonliest for me. I used to escape to my mom's hse, which frankly, was not anybetter.
I don't have any major grouses with my ILs, they have helped me alot. But in honest fact its because of my DH and now, my DS.
Anyway, I salute you because I used to get irritated over trivial matters pertaining to my ILs. Now I have reached to the point where even if I don't agree, I will say yes to make them happy, then confide to DH and let him know my true feelings. But you have been doing this since eons.
When I told DH to move out after marriage, he called me a b_ _ _ _ _ for trying to break up the family even b4 becoming a DIL. For me, it was simple, I just didn't want tension to arise cuz my SIL and mom didn't get along. It was fear on my part that it would happen to me as well. he did not understand that.
Anyway, we moved out after 2 yrs cuz DH saw the light somehow, as well as the fact that I think he could not take my tactful nagging anymore. He is also not a confrontational person, v to do with his legal backgrd - v (sometimes) irritatingly cool, calm and collected.
For eg, on fri nights, while watching late nite DVD, ILs will nag at us to go and sleep, like we were sch going kids Then when I gave birth to DS, MIL literally harrassed (really) me abt breastfeeding. She did not believe in the merits of it.
It is much much later in the marriage that I realized that my ILs are really ok. They never interfered in our marriage, only now, there is a little teeny bit of tension on my part because of upbringing of DS as he spends 3 times a week there. Things like eg I control his intake of chocolates and sweets (special occasions) but they don't.
So once again, I :salute: you buds and also the others (DILs) who have been resilient and 'silent' and most importantly, NEVER once got their kids involved in the ongoing 'political' battle. The last one, to me, is really paramount. I have seen that happening and its really not nice.
I second hquek on this:hquek:
I also believe that things always have a way of working out. It may not be NOW as you want it. But it will happen. Your efforts will pay off, firstly thru your daughters. You are and will always be a positive role model to them. Second, there is a chance that buds_hubs does see the light. Just that maybe he is caught between a mountain (you, who represents solidity and stability) and the deep blue sea (his mom, who, like the (sea) water, is irrational/not stable and no way of knowing how bad the undercurrents can be, thus have no way of figuring her out, based on what I have read).(and I cannot help but add: 天ęē¼)
Sorri, got too figurative here. -
Dear Buds and all the other long-suffering DILS,
Like Autumnbronze, I :salute: :salute: you for your resilience and patience. Really don't know how you do it.
I'm fortunate in the sense that MIL is Msian, so I don't see her often. Do take care... :hugs: :grphug: -
I also salute buds for her patience, and ability to "ren". i know I can never tolerate even half of what she has gone through. I really hope her MIL can finally realise how lucky she is to get a DIL like buds.
In the meantime, jia you. -
buds:
Hi Bud,I dowan award.
I wanna get out of my rut.
Quote misquote. Kena liao.
Say dun say, oso kena liao.
Damned if i say, damned if i don't.
Talk dun talk oso kena liao.
Definitely damned if i talk...
Rude if i don't talk (at all)...
So just try to stay outta sight? :siam:
Hoping she'd forget i existed? :idea:
I believe retribution. If someone did something unkind, he/she will get it one day.
You have all the friends to support you, guess we can't realyy help much as jia jia you ben nan nian de jin, but we are here to lend a listen ear... -
While there is such a thing as retribution,
i find it wrong to wish for it for someone..
You see, despite the downside in my life
thus far... i try to look at things positively
though it can sometimes be extremely
hard to do so.
She is after all my husband's mother and
without her i wouldn't have had a husband
nor would i have my two beautiful girls that
i love to death.
All i wish for is some peace of mind and the
calmness of heart and soul to live the rest
of what's left of my life..
The irony of this MIL of mine is that what i
went through with her is what she went
through with her own MIL... during the old
lady's living years. She claimed to be the
dutiful and filial DIL those years... and also
what she shared with me was endorsed by
my husband. My husband agreed that she
was somehow misjudged... mistreated...
and always misunderstood...
The thing is, i dunno that it justifies her taking
it out on me in real time. Cos since day one
entering this marriage she has never given
me the impression that she liked having me
around or liked the idea that her son was
married to me and still is..
I come to this thread to just rant out my thoughts
and hope to lighten the bane of it by bitching abt
it.. i never fail to have tears pouring down my face
each time i come here to pen my insides out.. esp
since my husband doesn't like me telling people
stuff.. esp stuff that are old news.. suffice to say
he dislikes me coming into this thread with
same-o same-o yada yada yada stories..
I mean it is his mom i know.. buttttt....
i..... sigh....
I dun go out much to shop or go gallivanting and
in short spend that much time outside the house,
nor go around telling real people about my real
hardships xept the few very very close friends
and my daddie.. being only human, i'm just
stressed.
It's not that i bear a grudge against her.. it's not tt
i like bitching about her.. all i ever did was be nice to
her.. even when she wasn't nice to me.. though my
husband has never once stood up for me.. i voice
out and stand up for myself when i find it too much
to bear.. those are also the instances i was labelled
rude and a talk-backer... With an old folk, how much
can i or should i reali push.. so all i can do IS \"ren\"...
It's just a matter of ren-duo-jio.. (ren for how long...)
That, my friend... i am counting on my faith and my
spiritual strength to pave the way..
For all the listening ears to share my sadness.. and
heartache.. that's all of you out there who have stood
by me and your emotional support even via a forum chat,
is so heartfelt, i'm touched to bits. I will need all the strength
i can; to move on with my life. Without having to bear the aches
of the past on my own... Thank you is never enuf.. God bless. -
Hi Buds... I can't help but tear a little reading your sharing. Nothing to add.
Just this... :hugs: :hugs: -
buds:
It is not that I wld like to curse anyone, but there is feng shui lun liu zhuan..While there is such a thing as retribution,
i find it wrong to wish for it for someone..
You see, despite the downside in my life
thus far... i try to look at things positively
though it can sometimes be extremely
hard to do so.
She is after all my husband's mother and
without her i wouldn't have had a husband
nor would i have my two beautiful girls that
i love to death.
All i wish for is some peace of mind and the
calmness of heart and soul to live the rest
of what's left of my life..
The irony of this MIL of mine is that what i
went through with her is what she went
through with her own MIL... during the old
lady's living years. She claimed to be the
dutiful and filial DIL those years... and also
what she shared with me was endorsed by
my husband. My husband agreed that she
was somehow misjudged... mistreated...
and always misunderstood...
The thing is, i dunno that it justifies her taking
it out on me in real time. Cos since day one
entering this marriage she has never given
me the impression that she liked having me
around or liked the idea that her son was
married to me and still is..
I come to this thread to just rant out my thoughts
and hope to lighten the bane of it by bitching abt
it.. i never fail to have tears pouring down my face
each time i come here to pen my insides out.. esp
since my husband doesn't like me telling people
stuff.. esp stuff that are old news.. suffice to say
he dislikes me coming into this thread with
same-o same-o yada yada yada stories..
I mean it is his mom i know.. buttttt....
i..... sigh....
I dun go out much to shop or go gallivanting and
in short spend that much time outside the house,
nor go around telling real people about my real
hardships xept the few very very close friends
and my daddie.. being only human, i'm just
stressed.
It's not that i bear a grudge against her.. it's not tt
i like bitching about her.. all i ever did was be nice to
her.. even when she wasn't nice to me.. though my
husband has never once stood up for me.. i voice
out and stand up for myself when i find it too much
to bear.. those are also the instances i was labelled
rude and a talk-backer... With an old folk, how much
can i or should i reali push.. so all i can do IS \"ren\"...
It's just a matter of ren-duo-jio.. (ren for how long...)
That, my friend... i am counting on my faith and my
spiritual strength to pave the way..
For all the listening ears to share my sadness.. and
heartache.. that's all of you out there who have stood
by me and your emotional support even via a forum chat,
is so heartfelt, i'm touched to bits. I will need all the strength
i can; to move on with my life. Without having to bear the aches
of the past on my own... Thank you is never enuf.. God bless.
What I mean is that your ren may utlimately turn out to be good in other kind of aspects, so..just hang on...
Lots of pple will be with you:) -
hi buds, think it's good u have an outlet to share and perhaps also to encourage the many mummies (or daddies) here that what they r suffering may not be as bad n hence more tolerable. in a way, pray that whoever reads the postings here keep the sharing confidential...
stay strong dear :love:
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