Extra Marital Affair

[peapot]

Hi cfan!

Actually its quite normal to have differences in bringing up kids and also normal when you find you have less couple time after the kids come. It is also the same for me and husband. I guess from the examples you quoted, you do know that seeing husbands who dotes on their wives doesn’t really mean their husbands are great and faithful. Some may be genuine but there are some husband who do it for show or out of guilt.

What we see is only on the surface. I have clients who treat their wives so well when we are out to entertain. After dinner, they sent their wives home and then when we reached the pub they called up their mistress to join them there. But NOT all men are like that of course. So be positive.

Whether a couple relationship can work and remain stable throughout the years require effort on both husband and wife. If both husband and wife takes the effort to build on the relationship the marriage will be lasting.

I also believe that these efforts must start early which means way before you find something is wrong in your relationship.

[cfan]

Hi


Thanks peapot for the encouragement. I do know what you are trying to tell me, just that sometimes we just feel so "tired" (in the mental sense).

It’s not easy to maintain a friendship, what’s more a marriage.

I am still trying my best to be what I can be and I do seriously take the vows that I have taken "till death do us part" as in the literal sense.

Anyway, I did not mean to be as depressed as I sound… hopefully…

just doing some sharing since I have learnt so much from so many people here who have shared. Thanks.

[tankee]

perhaps you can try have a heart to heart talk with your DH, unless he has swayed, he would probably has a common desire to save the romance & marriage. And perhaps arrange for sometime away without the kids, even if it is for the weekend at a romantic getaway to rekindle the fire.


good luck :celebrate:

[blurqueen]

cfan:

I find that when the children came, my relationship with DH took a turn for the worse...... Maybe we really did not expect the kids to take up so much of our time, maybe we really had terrible differences in the way kids should be raised.....


Anyway, sad to say things were not as we were when we were together without the kids.... .... just wanted to share that alot of things are not so rosy as we thought they would be....

Well, I can totally understand where you're coming from. Felt that way a lot when I realised childcare fell mostly on me esp in their younger years. It was plain exhausting and some times, I felt overwhelmed and unknowingly, we became rather unhappy and \"unloving\" because we started to resent our situation versus before the kids.

I missed the romantic dinners we always had, the fanciful sports car we could salivate over and maybe own, the few trips around the world every year, the freedom to just drop everything and take a drive somewhere. . . the list never seems to end. With kids, time and money has to be planned carefully with KIDS AS PRIORITY ALL THE TIME! I guess we were 'dating' for too many years and not prepared for the changes we had to take. So it's totally normal for you to feel that way.

Both of us only \"woke up\" when our marriage broke down with a 3rd party. Yes, I am angry with her for being so slutty as to seduce a married man, ironically at the same time, i'm glad for her timely appearance. It forced us to face our differences and learnt to communicate on a very different and higher maturity level (we're still like kids!).

It was SUPER hard at first but we knew how important it is for a couple to have \"couple time\" without other distractions. A slow dinner, a walk in the park, sharing the day over ice-cream or coffee, no distraction (no TV, PC, etc) chatting before bedtime and so on ... my main point is, find time to talk to each other, even over trivial matters that may or may not concern family. Don't worry, with time, you'll realise how easy it is to break away from the kids and you'll both look forward to your dates. Your children will also learn from example that it's healthy for mom & dad to go dating as they're in love :love:

Husbands are like kids, they love to be pampered and fussed over too. \"Teh\" him every now and then (that's what most mistresses are excellent at!) and learn from them how to keep your man! I've no idea what it's like to \"teh\" but after some practice in last 1 year ... I think I've got my yellow belt :rotflmao:

Yesterday, hub and I made a date to catch a movie and we enjoyed it totally. Everyone should drag the other half to watch it too. Called \"It's Complicated\". It's about life passages which we're going through now and why men stray this during period (example is his 5yo kid from 2nd marriage). Men also have to realise it's really only a passing phase and they have to bear the consequences of what they reap. Overall a very funny movie, left us in stitches. DH is still laughing about it everytime he thinks of a certain scene.

[buds]

blurqueen:

Husbands are like kids, they love to be pampered and fussed over too. \"Teh\" him every now and then (that's what most mistresses are excellent at!) and learn from them how to keep your man! I've no idea what it's like to \"teh\" but after some practice in last 1 year ... I think I've got my yellow belt :rotflmao:

:rotflmao:

Enjoyed reading your post, blurqueen.
And i agree with all that you have posted.

We the wives too love to be pampered and
fussed over... it's a vice versa kinda treatment.
Supposedly to be an unspoken thing but so far
most times it takes a certain something to happen
or a certain someone or someone(s) to offer the dreaded
wake up call. Yup. Life can't just be centred on children alone
and though we can proudly say we are good mommies we forgot
how to be good, exciting wives as well. Appreciating one another is
definitely two-way traffic. I'm sure now you DO now how to \"teh\" very
convincingly.

And yes these sluts are veeeeerrrry good at \"teh\"-ing... genuine or not,
the men just love it. :roll:

[Andaiz]

Blurqueen, thanks for your timely reminder to \"teh\" DH's.


I just came out of a weekend thinking that I'm really bushed with taking care of the children and their incessant demands and that DH has been neglected. Recently, he's showing signs of \"hiao-ness\": getting himself tested for sleep disorder coz I complained that his breathing very irregular, wanting to go for pedicure to remove deadskin from his soles...
dunno whether to be suspicious or not :? but will certainly pay more attention to him now... :love:

[csc]

Ha, ha....my girl has got a \"black belt\" in teh ing the daddy... no wonder she's his darling at all times.


Guess I've got much to learn from her. :lol:

[3Boys]

Perhaps refer some of you ladies back to this thread? --> http://www.kiasuparents.com/kiasu/forum/viewtopic.php?t=3258


To me, no matter what, spouse comes first. If you don't look after your marriage, you put the family (and that includes the kids) at risk.

We need to take a long term view and not get swamped by the multitudes of things that can come with child minding. Will DD or DS really suffer if he didn't take up that extra music enrichment or MT tuition that needs you shuttling him around? Possibly, but he will suffer far more if the Daddy drops out from the scene due to neglect.

I keep my children's programmes as straightforward as possible. Anything over and above the absolutely necessary is not considered.

Don't let your time with your children completely swamp your time with your spouse.

[csc]

Thanks for the reminder, 3boys.


Agree with you totally.

[3Boys]

cfan:

In my line of work, I have encountered so many men who openly brings the mistress out and pays for stuff in cash so that no bills were sent to the house. As to why we know they were mistresses, it's because before they bought stuff for the mistress, they have already bought something for the wife and the wife was also here.

Sigh.... sorry to pour greviances over here.... just wanted to share that alot of things are not so rosy as we thought they would be....

I would venture to say that they are in the minority. Most men take their marriages seriously.