In-law problems?
-
haha, then must control, scream already muz know how to breathe in, then continue again.
luckily i got a very supportive husband, he know his mum is one kind, so everything his mum says, my husband will do the opposite. if my MIL tell me off, my husband will defend me and my MIL will zip up her mouth and :x :x
haha, they are like 2 north pole magnet, cant never attract!buds:
Scared put pillow on face too hard then skali die then how? :lol:
Yeah, i've done that. Only feel little bit better, cos the problem
continues. So i try to find solace in my two girls. Playing with
them at the playgrounds... working with them at home with
my mountain of materials... and going for playdates.
The issues with ILs won't be so bad if one has a supportive
spouse who understands or at least try to understand. Tho'
sometimes, spouses cannot understand cause they never
get to see the dark side of their parents when they're
around. Some ILs only act when the child is outta the
house.. then the drama begins and unfolds.
It is hard to respect an elder and already part of family so
to speak who finds every and any opportunity to break up
a child's marriage. Especially when the couple doesn't have
any problems to begin with... it is just reali shallow loh. -
There is no other good way around it other than to accept.
For me, i'm just contented living by the day.. for the day..
When i was feeling down whilst on an overseas stint many
years back, a kind friend and roomie once shared with me..
what i have clearly forgotten..
\"... grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change;
the courage to change the things I can; and the wisdom to know
the difference...\"
With her words and timely reminder, i learnt to find peace within
myself these past years. For peace is not an absence of war, it is
a virtue, a state of mind, a disposition for benevolence, confidence,
justice. - Benedict Spinoza -
buds:
I totally agree with you, buds. My MIL tried to plant doubts in DH's head very early on in our marriage like \"I doubt you married the right person.\" :sick: (CKS, got emoticons with the puke coming out or not?)It is hard to respect an elder and already part of family so
to speak who finds every and any opportunity to break up
a child's marriage. Especially when the couple doesn't have
any problems to begin with... it is just reali shallow loh.
I mean, how to respect someone with that kind of mouth?! But I've always stood by the maxim that she's HIS mother so I'd respect her better than she respects me coz without her (and his dad of course), there'd be no DH :please:buds:
:goodpost: I made a sticky with this quote and will put this at the corner of my bathroom mirror! Thanks buds jie.For peace is not an absence of war, it is
a virtue, a state of mind, a disposition for benevolence, confidence,
justice. - Benedict Spinoza -
where do i begin my story…
i will start with whatever i can remember.
We had a good relationship before we got married. We even went for a holiday together and had a very good time planning, driving and enjoying. very good memories! but…
our wedding day - we started very early that day and no rest all the way. while getting ready for the dinner that nite, MIL asked the maid to bring chix essense - just one bottle - and give to DH. Just one lousy bottle for him only. note that i paid for her cheong sum, her make-up and hairdo that nite… and my SIL’s too! after her maid left, my mum came into the room and passed us two rather big bowls of ginseng soup, one for me and one for DH…
that says so much about a person’s 胸襟… acceptance? that’s only the start of how she treats me… -
SIL married early and after staying with PIL for a while, moved out soon after they got their own place. But she never likes to visit often.
One fine day, i still remembered it was a Sat, we were childless then, DH received a called from MIL and his face changed to colour - to green! hurried dinner with my parents and rushed home. to a crying and screaming and histerical MIL. She scolded DH upside down, saying why is it that we are not at home and that we are out every weekend. That it is wrong we go out all the time etc... It was all the very ridculous reasons that she was dishing out. I calmed her down and slowly asked her what happened... then she told us that she her own daughter has not come back for a long time, think half a month or so and they have not seen their first and eldest granddaughter. So she called her daughter asking her to come back to for dinner. SIL asked about my DH and once learnt that we are not in, gave the reason that we were not in so don't want to come over since we are all not in... I was like :shock: :shock: :shock: ???
that was when i learnt that her younger daugher and her kids will always come first in her heart even though my DH is her eldest. she has two kids.
It was my first year staying with PIL in my FIL's house. -
so life continue as usual. morning i go to work, after work, i went back ‘home’, hide in my room, then dinner, then hide in my room until its time to sleep. then came the time when i was pregnant…
She told me that she will look after the kid, with the maid (even before we are married, she wanted us to employ a maid for her even though she has a maid already, which is puzzling cos when SIL & hubby stay there, they can do with ONE maid). She said she will cook for me during confinement and look after the kid. She said she can cook simple food, if need anything extra, can ask my mum to help to cook - like all the soups etc.
This is what she said she will do.
the day after i gave birth, MIL took out the camera and began snapping away. told her not to use flash and she just ignored me and continue to flash at him… I was mad… (and then the next year, SIL gave birth to 3rd baby. She personally checked whomever wanna take foto to disable the flash function!!!). she is very pro breast-feeding. but as you know mummies, breast milk doesn’t come immediately after birth. but the 2nd day after i’ve given birth, whenever she came to the hospital, her first words to me were: still no milk huh?? then she shake her head. This carried on until the 3rd day and only stopped when my breastmilk came along. It was enough to dent my happy spirit. The day I went home, i realized that she the simple food means lunch - porridge with bottled lettuce, dinner rice with some small dishes. there’s no fish, no pork…
I stay in the west with inlaws, my mum in the east. no choice, my mum has to cook mee sua with fish and pork and ask my dad to bring over for me to eat in the tingket… ?? and i have to look after the kid myself, the only thing i don’t have to do is to bathe the baby, cos she likes it and is very good at it. so i got to nurse/pump, look after the baby, look after myself and nurse/pump. then she told us that she will not look after the baby full time. asked me to train the maid up before I go to work so that the maid can look after the new born alone, while she can still go play golf in the mornings, tea in the afternoons with her kaki and lunch appts and what not. as she was from malaysia, she will go back twice a month. needless to say she wants to ask the maid to look after the baby while there’s no one around. My mum had wanted to help me look after the baby all along and she is a very delicated grandma. and my MIL just have to fight with her to look after the baby but not she look after, but for the maid to look after…
Have any one of you have any issues with how the kids address the grandparents? I had. MIL at first wanna be addressed as popo - she said to be the same as SIL’s kids. I told her i will let my kids call my mum ah mah, the same as what i’ve called my maternal and paternal grandmas. then after coming back from her malaysia trip, she has a change of mind and said baby cannot call her popo cos she is the paternal grandma and should addressed her as ah mah. then she said that my boy cannot call my mum ah mah cos she is maternal grandma. must call something else so as not to confuse the baby later on. I told her no. then she asked her sister to pressurize me and then she cried and gave me a scolding and said i was rude and not following her instructions etc.
This happened when DH was not in town. no support from him. my FIL scared of MIL, listened to her and kept saying "we are the paternal grandparents, we should be addressed ah gong ah mah"…
I exploded.
I told MIL that no, since you don’t have golf only on monday and thursday, then you will look after the baby on these days. the rest of the days, since you are not going to be around full time, i will send the baby to my mum. then on the addressing, i told her that my parents prefered to be addressed as ah gong ah mah, like how i used to call my grandparents. no way around it, she was very angry and called my mum to complain about me, saying how dare me answer her back, so rude and no respect so on and so forth. But she didn’t dare to tell my mum that its over the addressing…
and she claimed that she is a very experienced care-giver to babies. so i consulted her a lot on the baby. on my DS1 first month, i found that he is not looking so well and my gut feel is that he is sick. but SIL and MIL kept saying that the baby can drink and sleep and never make noise, nothing is wrong. as he is full breastfed, I don’t know how to judge if the stools are ok. She told me no problem. as days go by, the boy drank less and less milk and vomited more and more, he was also sleeping a lot more and all this time, i wanna bring the boy to see the doc. My DH listened to his mum and didn’t support me (to see the doc). Told me that I was too kancheong and that his mum is so experienced and if she said no problem then no problem. finally on the sat he turned 5 weeks old, i brought him to see a PD. but unfortunately, this PD neglected the symphons and send us home saying nothing wrong with the baby. On sunday, my boy has sunken eyes, his front head has also sunken in a little. I sprang into action and regardless of what they said, I called my friend who was a nurse and she helped me contact another PD and after i described DS conditions to him, he told me to bring him to the hospital immediately and he will be waiting in the ward for baby. My baby landed in the hospital at 5 weeks old for tummy flu, was already 60% dehydrated and had to be on IV drips. He was so weak that he couldn’t make any sound, any cry when the needle poked through his skin… -
So many not too happy stories here…
My MIL is a cheapo drama queen who likes to make use of people around her, including her son. She bullies my mum who kept quiet. It took me awhile before I stopped giving in. Heng we r not living together. -
Poor Tree Nymph!
Hope things r better for u now.
My MIL never, never, do anything for us at all. She only requires her grandson for photo takes and gatherings for show.
She was hoping we r childless, so my hubby business can go to hopeless youngest son… ILs were so unhappy when they know I pregnant with boy. Majong drama queen she is, and play big at the table. Every few months when we meet, She will give my son some biscuit from dunno where,or expiring in two weeks kind… hehe.
She ‘took care’ of my SIL when she gave birth. For confinement food SIL get to choose between KFC and Burger King.
Luckily I m staying with my own folks and well taken care of until today. I suspect my hubby is aware of her behaviour but choose not to talk about it.
Once when baby was few months ol had wheezing problem and was at doctor when she called. My hubby wanted to tell her about baby’s condition but she brushes him off and yakked about the up coming dinner with relatives …blahblah…see broken. -
see broken- hokkien kwa puar.
Now,we just do the routine of meeting up for meals abt once a month. It is really entertaining to watch her embarrass herself by 'butterflying' around. She will drama with restaurant servers and captains, anybody. Just a real desperate attention seeker, I am learning to enjoy these mini movies while my hubby plays with his hp nonstop..... Recently someone got her a fake branded handbag and no one dare tell her not to use it..... . Seriously fake looking siah, I know my hubby so paiseh and shrinking in his seat... -
I feel for you, tree nymph.. i can almost feel your pain.
Pain of seeing your child in hospital all in the name of
respect for ILs. A good friend of mine told me before,
respect is one thing and a mother's instinct is another.
Don't belittle that gut feeling you have when you think
something doesn't feel right. I too have been through
similar issues with regards to this. Blind respect we
cannot have, tree nymph no matter how hard we try.
Sometimes we just have to think like the mother we
are.. :hugs: My MIL always.. i repeat ALWAYS over &
over again insist that she has eaten waaaaayyy more
salt than me, especially when she wants to end a sorta
losing argument. It's her favourite phrase to so call win
it... cos i wouldn't want to be rude and claim otherwise
mah.. so i let her loh. Well, better than to let her continue
with her nonsense. When i stick my mind on something, i
will just grab my children out with me and do it. Most times
the decisions have been right. And my children are like my
little \"signs\"... they too can feel and sometimes they help
me along my journey of difficult decisions with their little
\"signs\"...
How're things now, tree nymph? You're no longer with ILs
right?
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