How do you not succumb to temptations?
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tankee:
I would avoid being in a position or place that allow myself to be tempted.
Have you heard of 人在江湖身不由己
Sometimes there are people we just cannot avoid, for example, bosses, customers or suppliers. Why? The lack of authority to avoid and one cannot keep changing jobs to avoid, the track record looks bad. So my idea is the strength of the mind is still the weapon to safeguard ourselves against all kinds of temptations. -
Here's a story I know:
Y & Z were friends. They were both successful in their careers, holding senior management positions and both were married. Both of them also had good dress sense and were often seen in tasteful suits.
But they both had the same problem. Men, single or married alike, found them attractive, not sure why.. oops!
Y had kids but Z did not have any kids.
Y had a more desk-bound role than Z. Z had to meet more people outside the company. So Y's suitors were mainly internal whereas Z had both internal and external suitors. Sounds bizarre? I thought so too when I knew it.. :lol:
Both Y & Z kinda subtly confided in each other. Z told Y to enjoy the attention and flattery since they could not be stopped overnight but not to sink into it. As long as they did not encourage the relationship, it should be manageable.
In the end, Y succumbed to the temptation and life became messy because there were children involved. Z, on the other hand, had a proposal made to her, but she stood firm on her grounds, even though there was a good tempting reason for her to fall into.
From their experiences, I draw the conclusion that the strength in the mind to rip ourselves from temptation must be built. The advantage that Z had over Y was that Z did not have an issue with her hubby then whereas Y had. Y felt that she had married a wrong person. However, Z had other kind of issues to deal in her marriage so both were relatively vulnerable. So the vulnerability is push-factor especially if the problem is the spouse(so 3boys is quite correct to point out that the reason is typically the spouse do not look after the happiness, but I see it as the \"blame-reason\"), it is doubly vulnerable. Temptation is a pull-factor. Of course in reality, things are usually complex and when we are drowning in the complexity, we need to imagine that there is a rope in front of us beckoning us to hang on to it. If we lose sight of this rope, then it is when we start to fall deeper, deeper and deeper......... -
Pardon me as I now sink into a non-PC state at this late hour. Life is complex yes, but the boundaries are clear and the things one needs to keep in mind are relatively simple.
1) Look after your spouse FIRST
2) Be firm in your belief about the sanctity of marriage, and
3) Do not flirt with temptation, FLEE from it
The type of attention one gets can be intoxicating and before long, you might have your defences worn down. Then what? Pain and betrayal…
I might be willing to do some endurance building when training for a marathon. Worse come to worse, I suffer an injury or I don’t complete the race. Comes to my marriage, I ain’t at the starting line to temptation so the idea of building resistance or testing it is not something I aim to partake in. -
3Boys, I would take a mix of the approaches. When there is a chance to FLEE, yes please do but when one is caught in a situation where FLEE is not an option, then I believe the strength of mind has to kick in, like it or not.
So ultimately to build the strength of mind for your marriage, it will serve you in a state of crisis.
For example, when one is in the middle of a high profile project where very high authorities are involved and puts one's career reputation at stake, can one just FLEE by quitting? I say no. Other than managing this issue, I think one's reputation professionally is also very important. It is challenging but it is best to face it. What cannot break you makes you stronger. I think the self-victory is a satisfying achievement too. That said, we have to weigh the situation, if we know we are failing mentally, then FLEE is the strategy. Or if we meet an obsessed person hot on the heels, then we are dealing with a psycho case, flee is definitely the way to go if one does not want to report as harassment.
Another example would be people like insider and En, do you think they can flee forever like fugitives? They are the x-factor themselves regardless of where they go. How long can they flee? So for women like them, they have the \"strength of character\" to fight such temptations and I highly respect them. :salute: :ugogirl: s
Ultimately, I do agree with you that the \"strength of mind\" approach definitely runs a higher risk but it is still a required skill to acquire even if you choose to FLEE. -
Heyya ks2me... like i always say to all thread
starters, where is yours to share with us? :evil: -
EN:
Because there is nothing to see. Very ordinary lor. I think some man are so daft :stupid: . Their heads can still turn even when dh is walking with me & the kids. You know what dh usually do. Approach that man and say \"That's your wife & this is mine. Stop looking.\" When he does that I feel so :oops: .[quote]I don't know what man really see
[/quote]Wow, you dh does that?! So macho
My dh just 沾沾自喜 & do a headcount how many steal a glance that day. But that was like a century ago. Nowsaday I think probably only coffee shop uncles bother to check me out
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buds:
hey buds I did tell a story on page 4 as promised leh..Heyya ks2me... like i always say to all thread
starters, where is yours to share with us? :evil:
Not everyone so happening la but I promise to tell story I will keep to it.
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ChiefKiasu:
A quick look at my ballooning bills and my bank account is a sure remedy for any shopping-lust.
what chief says is quite true too, men with more bills to pay n less extra to spend will be less likely to pander to lust temptation. So as what 3boys says, wives must help with the happiness, so wives, help with the bank accounts.
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sleepy:
you are so hilarious sleepy.... :lol:
My dh just 沾沾自喜 & do a headcount how many steal a glance that day. But that was like a century ago. Nowsaday I think probably only coffee shop uncles bother to check me out -
sleepy, at least coffee shop uncles check you out. The person who actually look straight in my face for a full 10 mins is only my maid!!!
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