How do you deal with arrogant/how lian people around you?

[autumnbronze]

tankee:

25hourmaid:

There is another category of how lian people that I cannot stand - a doting grandparent boasting how 'good/smart' their grandchild is.


There is this old lady I know in Church and her precious one and only granddaughter (only son and also only granddaughter) is in the same school, same standard as my elder boy.

First when the PSLE results were released, she went .... \"actually MY S**** (mind you, it is always MY S**** this and MY S**** that) wanted XXX and YYY (the two top all girls' IP schools) but miss by one mark to these schools, so she's now in ZZZ school (my son's school) and that's her 3rd choice. She's now waiting for a transfer to either XXX or YYY schools.\" But the thing is now, 3 years on, her S**** is still in my son's school.

When she first found out that my son is in the same school as her S****, she went .... \"oh so you are also from ZZZ school? Do you know who MY S**** is? Have you met her? Which class are you in etc? MY S**** is in such and such a class and she won such and such an award, so you definitely must know who MY S**** is and must have seen her!\"

Goodness me, :faint: she talks as if her S**** is the one and only student in ZZZ school and EVERYONE must know who her S**** is or how smart her S**** is! :roll:

Now when my son sees her in Church, he turns around 180Deg and :siam: :lol: I do the same too! :lol:

I will cut old folk's some slack ... perhaps this granddaughter is really her pride and her joy. I will entertain her as long as she don't belittle others.

Agree with tankee ... only because PILS are like that with my DS. Can't help it. Only grandson mah ... though I do admit I tend to cringe inwardly when this happens when I am w/i hearing range.

Yup, should not go to the extent of belittling ... thats REALLY not nice.

[2ppaamm]

ks2me:

:!: Why ah???? :faint: What kind of lesson is the child learning? Another form of hao lian is cannot lose face?

I also do not understand what's the point of saving face and spoiling the kid.

I remember a friend who was about 18 years old when we met years ago. She was taking a bus to NUS every morning, even though she was not attending class there. She had lied to her boyfriend that she was a student in NUS. :!:

I lost contact with this person. But how would she have continued her lies and how would she explain why she lied that she took her 'A' levels, etc. She did not even pass her 'O' levels. I seriously think these folks have some kind of 'sickness' or 'lie addiction'. Something like theft addiction. Pathetic.

[tutormum]

autumnbronze:

Okie, agree back to topic.


Just wanted to add that I have experienced personally and seen cases where because the teacher/tutor is SO inspiring that the parent/mother end(s) up relying on the tutor to extent of the latter becoming a 'surrogate' mother so to speak. That is what I suppose I was trying to say, but perhaps didn't come across clearly. And this shd never be the case.

As a tutor, I have been a 'surrogate' mother to some students and they are normally from dyfunctional families without parental emotional support and proper guidance. Sometimes, I even act as a counsellor. I even have grandparents involved in how they think the child should be brought up. I can't go into details except that I've to be diplomatic with grandparents, uncles, aunts, besides the parents and make sure that I don't step on anybody's toes. It's not that I'm complaining or how lian about it. I rather not do it cos if my students can have a well-balanced and happy family life, they only need me to teach them academically and inspire them to do well to get into their dream secondary school. However, before a child can do well in his studies, he must be given a secured and stable life first and it's the responsibilities of the parents - not the tutor. Sadly, with the high divorce rate, I've more students with emotional baggage than those with stable family life. How to inspire a child when he not only feel depraved but bitter towards his fate? He has no motivation to do well, not to mention inspiration. :roll:
Moreover, some parents expect tutors to be disciplinarians while having their hands tied. I have parents telling me to cane their child if they do not do their homework etc while others do not even allow me to chide the child for not doing their work. There are also parents who expect miracles and thinking that there's no reason why their child can't top the subject since they have tuition. If it's not for the love of teaching and children, I would have quit long ago. :stupid:
Sorry for the ranting. I just felt that some parents don't understand tutors and thought that it's an easy job - a way to earn some quick buck. Maybe there are tutors who are just interested in making money but not all of them are.

[2ppaamm]

tutormum:

Maybe there are tutors who are just interested in making money but not all of them are.

So Tutormum, tell me something. Do most kids you know really need tuition or are the parents simply kiasu?

[corneyAmber]

2ppaamm:

I also do not understand what's the point of saving face and spoiling the kid.


I remember a friend who was about 18 years old when we met years ago. She was taking a bus to NUS every morning, even though she was not attending class there. She had lied to her boyfriend that she was a student in NUS. :!:

I lost contact with this person. But how would she have continued her lies and how would she explain why she lied that she took her 'A' levels, etc. She did not even pass her 'O' levels. I seriously think these folks have some kind of 'sickness' or 'lie addiction'. Something like theft addiction. Pathetic.

This sounds like some kind of compulsive behaviour to me if she actually travelled to NUS every morning... :!: The world is really made up of all sorts.

[corneyAmber]

tutormum, you have got what it takes to be a good tutor, you have the love for teaching and children, not as a job.

[tankee]

2ppaamm:

.....I remember a friend who was about 18 years old when we met years ago. She was taking a bus to NUS every morning, even though she was not attending class there. She had lied to her boyfriend that she was a student in NUS. :!:


I lost contact with this person. But how would she have continued her lies and how would she explain why she lied that she took her 'A' levels, etc. She did not even pass her 'O' levels. I seriously think these folks have some kind of 'sickness' or 'lie addiction'. Something like theft addiction. Pathetic.

:!:

she was sick and needed help.

[autumnbronze]

tutormum:

As a tutor, I have been a 'surrogate' mother to some students and they are normally from dyfunctional families without parental emotional support and proper guidance. Sometimes, I even act as a counsellor. I even have grandparents involved in how they think the child should be brought up. I can't go into details except that I've to be diplomatic with grandparents, uncles, aunts, besides the parents and make sure that I don't step on anybody's toes. It's not that I'm complaining or how lian about it. I rather not do it cos if my students can have a well-balanced and happy family life, they only need me to teach them academically and inspire them to do well to get into their dream secondary school. However, before a child can do well in his studies, he must be given a secured and stable life first and it's the responsibilities of the parents - not the tutor. Sadly, with the high divorce rate, I've more students with emotional baggage than those with stable family life. How to inspire a child when he not only feel depraved but bitter towards his fate? He has no motivation to do well, not to mention inspiration. :roll:

Moreover, some parents expect tutors to be disciplinarians while having their hands tied. I have parents telling me to cane their child if they do not do their homework etc while others do not even allow me to chide the child for not doing their work. There are also parents who expect miracles and thinking that there's no reason why their child can't top the subject since they have tuition. If it's not for the love of teaching and children, I would have quit long ago. :stupid:
Sorry for the ranting. I just felt that some parents don't understand tutors and thought that it's an easy job - a way to earn some quick buck. Maybe there are tutors who are just interested in making money but not all of them are.

Don't be sorri tutormom. I am sure I speak for some others as well when I say that I (we) understand. I have an experience to share too from a tutor and ex-teacher's perspective its but too long a story and then I will be :heresmyfish: for being OT

Just press on okie ... :hugs:

[JonC]

Avoid them when you have no dealings with them. That is talk to them only when needed.


This is the best way, because what these people want is attention. So when they do not get the attention they need, its like they kanna the most deadliest disease on earth.

[janet88]

Tutors should not be substitutes of parents. They are hired for the purpose of guiding the children. I have a 5 min talk with the tutor after each session to get an update.