How do you deal with arrogant/how lian people around you?

[tutormum]

autumnbronze:

Okie, agree back to topic.


Just wanted to add that I have experienced personally and seen cases where because the teacher/tutor is SO inspiring that the parent/mother end(s) up relying on the tutor to extent of the latter becoming a 'surrogate' mother so to speak. That is what I suppose I was trying to say, but perhaps didn't come across clearly. And this shd never be the case.

As a tutor, I have been a 'surrogate' mother to some students and they are normally from dyfunctional families without parental emotional support and proper guidance. Sometimes, I even act as a counsellor. I even have grandparents involved in how they think the child should be brought up. I can't go into details except that I've to be diplomatic with grandparents, uncles, aunts, besides the parents and make sure that I don't step on anybody's toes. It's not that I'm complaining or how lian about it. I rather not do it cos if my students can have a well-balanced and happy family life, they only need me to teach them academically and inspire them to do well to get into their dream secondary school. However, before a child can do well in his studies, he must be given a secured and stable life first and it's the responsibilities of the parents - not the tutor. Sadly, with the high divorce rate, I've more students with emotional baggage than those with stable family life. How to inspire a child when he not only feel depraved but bitter towards his fate? He has no motivation to do well, not to mention inspiration. :roll:
Moreover, some parents expect tutors to be disciplinarians while having their hands tied. I have parents telling me to cane their child if they do not do their homework etc while others do not even allow me to chide the child for not doing their work. There are also parents who expect miracles and thinking that there's no reason why their child can't top the subject since they have tuition. If it's not for the love of teaching and children, I would have quit long ago. :stupid:
Sorry for the ranting. I just felt that some parents don't understand tutors and thought that it's an easy job - a way to earn some quick buck. Maybe there are tutors who are just interested in making money but not all of them are.

[2ppaamm]

tutormum:

Maybe there are tutors who are just interested in making money but not all of them are.

So Tutormum, tell me something. Do most kids you know really need tuition or are the parents simply kiasu?

[corneyAmber]

2ppaamm:

I also do not understand what's the point of saving face and spoiling the kid.


I remember a friend who was about 18 years old when we met years ago. She was taking a bus to NUS every morning, even though she was not attending class there. She had lied to her boyfriend that she was a student in NUS. :!:

I lost contact with this person. But how would she have continued her lies and how would she explain why she lied that she took her 'A' levels, etc. She did not even pass her 'O' levels. I seriously think these folks have some kind of 'sickness' or 'lie addiction'. Something like theft addiction. Pathetic.

This sounds like some kind of compulsive behaviour to me if she actually travelled to NUS every morning... :!: The world is really made up of all sorts.

[corneyAmber]

tutormum, you have got what it takes to be a good tutor, you have the love for teaching and children, not as a job.

[tankee]

2ppaamm:

.....I remember a friend who was about 18 years old when we met years ago. She was taking a bus to NUS every morning, even though she was not attending class there. She had lied to her boyfriend that she was a student in NUS. :!:


I lost contact with this person. But how would she have continued her lies and how would she explain why she lied that she took her 'A' levels, etc. She did not even pass her 'O' levels. I seriously think these folks have some kind of 'sickness' or 'lie addiction'. Something like theft addiction. Pathetic.

:!:

she was sick and needed help.

[autumnbronze]

tutormum:

As a tutor, I have been a 'surrogate' mother to some students and they are normally from dyfunctional families without parental emotional support and proper guidance. Sometimes, I even act as a counsellor. I even have grandparents involved in how they think the child should be brought up. I can't go into details except that I've to be diplomatic with grandparents, uncles, aunts, besides the parents and make sure that I don't step on anybody's toes. It's not that I'm complaining or how lian about it. I rather not do it cos if my students can have a well-balanced and happy family life, they only need me to teach them academically and inspire them to do well to get into their dream secondary school. However, before a child can do well in his studies, he must be given a secured and stable life first and it's the responsibilities of the parents - not the tutor. Sadly, with the high divorce rate, I've more students with emotional baggage than those with stable family life. How to inspire a child when he not only feel depraved but bitter towards his fate? He has no motivation to do well, not to mention inspiration. :roll:

Moreover, some parents expect tutors to be disciplinarians while having their hands tied. I have parents telling me to cane their child if they do not do their homework etc while others do not even allow me to chide the child for not doing their work. There are also parents who expect miracles and thinking that there's no reason why their child can't top the subject since they have tuition. If it's not for the love of teaching and children, I would have quit long ago. :stupid:
Sorry for the ranting. I just felt that some parents don't understand tutors and thought that it's an easy job - a way to earn some quick buck. Maybe there are tutors who are just interested in making money but not all of them are.

Don't be sorri tutormom. I am sure I speak for some others as well when I say that I (we) understand. I have an experience to share too from a tutor and ex-teacher's perspective its but too long a story and then I will be :heresmyfish: for being OT

Just press on okie ... :hugs:

[JonC]

Avoid them when you have no dealings with them. That is talk to them only when needed.


This is the best way, because what these people want is attention. So when they do not get the attention they need, its like they kanna the most deadliest disease on earth.

[janet88]

Tutors should not be substitutes of parents. They are hired for the purpose of guiding the children. I have a 5 min talk with the tutor after each session to get an update.

[Emelyn]

janet_lee88:

I can't stand those parents who are out to share with other parents how intelligent their kids are, like being able to count from 1-20, read all the words in flash cards etc etc.

The best one that I heard...from my 5yo dd's enrichment class's classmate's mum..... talking about her elder daughter.

\"My daughter very clever one lei. She is in GEP, you know ?\"

Mind you, not quietly hor.... it was loudly.

After that... I stayed far far away....

[tutormum]

2ppaamm:

tutormum:

Maybe there are tutors who are just interested in making money but not all of them are.

So Tutormum, tell me something. Do most kids you know really need tuition or are the parents simply kiasu?

I can't fault most parents for engaging tutors as the syllabus is getting tougher every year esp. Maths. However, there are some children who really don't need tuition cos they are capable enough to study on their own. I would usually recommend these parents to save their money and get a tutor if they find their children can't cope in the future. Moreover, it's better for the children to learn to be independant which actually benefits them in the long run. There are also parents who are really so kiasu that their children are full of various activities like swimming, golf etc besides one tuition after another. Every day, it's a mad rush from one point to another. In fact, it has the reversed effect and I have students begging me to let them relax and give less homework cos they are overwhelmed. I have a boy who sat on his bed in a daze every night when he was preparing for his PSLE. His mother and sister insisted that I have more sessions with him every week as they felt that he was not well prepared for his PSLE while the maid told me that he was highly stressed. In the end, I decided to revise everything throughly with him instead of heaping assessments upon assessments. You should have seen the relief in his eyes when I told him that there wont be any papers to do.

Thanks autumnbronze, it really takes one to know one. Thanks Ks2me also. I just try to do my best for my students. :thankyou: :hugs:
Janet, you will be surprised that many parents are treating tutors as their substitutes. There are all sorts of parents including reasonable and understanding ones of course. Well, that's part and parcel of a tutor's life. I can't deny that there are also tutors who don't put their students' interest first. I know of tutors who quit as soon as the students are 'difficult' to teach. :sick: