Any parents of gifted children here ?

[cnimed]

EN:

I'm curious. Would you be able to briefly describe why you feel your ds is very sensitive & perfectionist?

hi, they are FINALLY asleep, so here I am catching up on work and feeding my internet addiction.

Gosh, my mind actually went blank for a moment at your question. My ILs who are teachers have been commenting on that, but I didn't like having my children labelled and always shrugged them off. It's only with time that I realised they are right.

When he was a baby, he would turn the wooden play blocks so that the grain of the wood are all running the same way. He would then aligned them up perfectly. Once he did them up in parallel rows across the entire corridor and DH tested him by pushing the blocks out of place while he's busy aligning one row. He redid everything again. It took him about half an hour, and he went to bed only after everything was to his satisfaction. He was about 14 months then and I still remember we went to bed at 11.30pm that night. (My children don't sleep in cots, they will crawl/walk to their beds by themselves at night.)

This mild obssession with order was a problem for him when he entered preschool. Up till then, the idea of knocking buildings down was foreign to him. He had never destroyed, only built, something which other parents often commented on but I never appreciated. After he finished building, he would pack up carefully. School was obviously different.

Sensitive...well I guess in all ways, good and bad. Emotionally sensitive certainly. Once at a foodcourt, a man in front of my queue was obviously tight for cash, asking about the cost of every dish. Talking to DH, I said I felt sorry for him. DS chimed in and asked why, I said \"becuase he's poor\". DS asked how did I know he was poor and I related the incident without thinking, and mentioned the man's dressing. When I saw that DS was quite affected by it, I shut up immediately.

He is the greenie in the house, turning off all unused electrical appliances so that \"there will be some left for the poor people.\" After the incident, he apparently began role-playing a rich man giving away money in school to all his classmates.

We've never made it through any cartoons or movies. There's bound to be something that upsets him.

His sensitivity extends to his anger. He doesn't lash out at the first instance, he implodes. I'm working with him on managing his emotions. Recently we talked about how you need to cry before you can feel good again, and other ways of releasing emotions. He told me he felt sad when other children hit or scratched him in school and he would run in the playground to release the feelings. That made ME sad.

He also observes body language and vocal tones and asks if we're angry or tired. When someone is not well, he will immediately take on the role of a caregiver, fluffing up pillows, putting blankets, closing curtains and all.

Sorry for rambling, I probably added a lot of irrelevant stuff. It's like revisitng the past thinking your question through. It's been a really stressful first year at preschool for us. I'm so glad it's over.

[tamarind]

When in school, my girl is always very willing to follow the teacher’s instructions. I don’t know why, but it seems to be part of her nature. She does not see why she should not listen to the teacher. My girl first started to go to playgroup when she was 2 years old. Her teacher’s comments about her behaviour, that she is very quiet. It takes a long time before she warms up to the teachers or other classmates.


But at home, she does not always like to follow my instructions. Before 3 years old, she tried her best to test our authority. After 3 years old, she learns that good behaviour is the only way to go if she wants to get anything. In fact, she has become quite manipulative. If she wants something, she will be so nice and sweet, that her Daddy will always give in so long as it is reasonable. I try not to fall in that trap. She knows that her Daddy detests any wailing, so whenever she is unhappy, she will hide under the table and cry quietly. Then her Daddy will try to console her. I will ignore her. My 4 year old boy still has not learn that trick yet.

[en107rn.01056yahoo.01056com.01056sg]

Hi Deminc. Dont worry about your child. Enjoy what nature has bestowed you. Feel free to share or pop any questions. We are no experts but we do face similar situation.



chamonix wrote [quote]There are some aspects of school that he didn't quite like. But the computer and thinking classes are a draw for him. Moreover, he enjoyed preparing for the school concert and Sports event. All these are keeping him happy to attend school [/quote]What happen then when he goes to P1? Any action plan?

My ds school has no concert, there's game but not sport, no computer lesson either. When I make a direct comparison between your ds & mine, mine lag far behind. Yet, my ds has been sorely disappointed when he goes to P1. He told me before kindergarten are for babies & looking forward for P1. But then P1 repeats the whole chunks that he already know & where is his favourite subject science? Why this school has no general knowledge either. Luckily he finds chess but now he grumbles why he is not move up (they are being rank). He feels the teacher always spend time with the senior kids & left the younger ones on their own. He is not happy but has no issue going to school. Loves going into the school office. Err.. to complain, to report a lost, to help friend to find lost stuff, to return things people lost. Must be a familiar figure in the school office now. :roll:

Tamarind, we mothers are tough creature. We have full of love but we can see when we are being taken advantage upon.

[tamarind]

deminc,

Yes like EN said, please feel free to share here

EN,
Actually I am guilty of indulging her. I bought her too many toys/clothes/shoes etc even without her asking :oops: I am a mommy who is always guilty that I have not spent enough time with her. In fact she seldom ask me to buy things for her. She asks for her Daddy to spend time talking to her, or ask me to let her watch her favourite DVD, or do activities with her like painting with poster colors etc.

Have you considered looking around for a suitable school for your son ? Perhaps there are some primary schools out there with classes to cater to kids like your son ?

For example, I heard that West Grove primary school not only has extra lessons for weaker students, they also have special lessons for the more advanced students.

[en107rn.01056yahoo.01056com.01056sg]

Tamarind, why feel guilty in indulging? Each child deserves the best. Even for a very poor family, their main priority if they have some cash extra will be for their children. I buy things for my kids without them asking me too. I'm a working mother. Still trying very hard to not hire back a maid due to privacy issue. Just dont think in terms of quantity but the quality time you set aside for your children each day.


I'm looking around for new school. My dd school will be perfect but unfortunately it's a girl school :lol:. His school does has top 3 classes which are already full of students who are scoring near to a perfect score or hit a bingo. For the top 3 classes, they will be doing \"The Little Red Hen\". :roll:

[cnimed]

catching up...


caning/discipline - my sister actually broke the cane in a fit of anger, but fortunately not on the kid, but the shelf next to him. :lol:

reading/highly gifted/THAT kid - well, he is supposed to be profoundly gifted, I believe.

my kid - ya, I enjoy him when there is no school. When there is school it's stress time for me because he can become very moody and irritable. He complains about repetitive work, and he's either the first to finish and bored(so easy), or cannot finish (want to add more details but teacher says no).

By end of the year, he was less angry but became very dreamy and distracted. I realised that he was starting to tune out any form of instruction (except for Mandarin). A simple writing exercise will see his letters and numbers making strange faces and jumping off coiled springs, and as he really gets into his doodling, he will add vehicles to cart them off the page.

tamarind,
ds was also very obedient in school. He's quite shy, he doesn't like to stand out from the crowd. But obedient didn't mean he was happy. He would just bring all the tension home. The teacher told me he was very happy, very well-adjusted in school. My first thought was BS! I could see he was not thriving, and I didn't agree with forcing him to adapt to it as some had suggested to me.

chamonix,
is your son still in preschool? Which school is he in? Any chance it's in hillview/ upper bukit timah area? I'm always hoping to find the perfect school without breaking the bank.

[metz]

Hi Deminc,


As what En mentioned, your experiences sound strangely familiar to us too. However, I am blessed in that I was staying in a remote area during my son's first few years. To us, we had never felt our kids were different or strange in any way then (and now too). Different kids are born with different difficulties and temperaments. Perhaps, ignorance is bliss too. We have always approached our kids in a rational manner and nothing has ever gone out of hand. So take heart, your love and patience will definitely help your son along the way.

Yup, we are living in Hillview Avenue You too? My son is attending Arise Kindy (near Bt Timah Hill). I wouldn't say it's the perfect school but it provides the social interaction that my son needs. As what some kids experienced, school work is definitely not challenging for him. He always complains about them being too easy (except Chinese), short play time, teachers not keeping their words, kids not behaving etc... But for the snack time and various other non-academic activities, he's willing to put up with those. In his own words, he said he'd try to take them :lol: I feel that school works out for him because both sides (teachers and him) understand and know what to expect from each other.



Hi Tamarind,

Teachers' comments have always been that he interacts well in class. But that definitely runs in contradiction to what he has been telling me. For CH, he didn't even know his classmates' names (a class of 8 kids only) after almost a month in school! For the current Kindy, it took him about a month to settle in. He was crossed with everybody initially because there was no formal introduction for him to know his classmates! :roll: I had to bear with his grumbling for 2-3 weeks! So, I do take the teachers' comments and his grumbles with a pinch of salt.

About indulging unnecessary, we are guilty of that too :oops:
[quote]so whenever she is unhappy, she will hide under the table and cry quietly.[/quote]
Can that be a girl thing? My girl does something like that too. She'll go one corner, sulks and sobs quietly. When asked why, she would reply \"I'm sad because no one wants to read/play with me.\"

[metz]

Hi En,


My son has already decided he's gonna stop schooling after K2! I brought him to a Primary School Open House few months ago, and briefed him on what primary school is about. Told him to stop dreaming and get real :twisted:

I have been rather truthful to ds about what he can expect from school. His current Kindy is a good starting ground as he is beginning to realise not all teachers have time to listen and discuss stuffs with him. Basically, I have taught him to be thoughtful and respectful towards teachers and his classmates. As long as he shows respect towards others, I'm sure the teachers will understand him over time. But if not, I'll whip up a Plan B then

If my ds were to join your son in school, you can be sure they will be companions in visiting the principal's office! Once, I asked him something about his school. He replied that he didn't know and that he'd check with the principal the very next day. :roll: Nearly fainted.

With your ds' learning attitude and great results, you should seriously consider another school that can provide him with more opportunities, both academically and non-academically. It will benefit him greatly.

Don't think it's possible to measure or compare fast learners at this age. The only difference will be the exposure they have been given. For me, I'm addicted to buying books. So, my kids are lucky in a sense they have a library of books at home which is readily accessible to them anytime. Even my gal is taking an interest in Magic School Bus books. Nowadays, there is a lot more books \"teaching\" (what used to be difficult to understand) concepts in a manner easy for kids. For instance, Sir Fong's Adventures In Science. My son picks up his knowledge on atoms, protons, etc from that book. If only there were such books during my time, I wouldn't have given up on Chemistry...

[cnimed]

chamonix:

Once, I asked him something about his school. He replied that he didn't know and that he'd check with the principal the very next day. :roll: Nearly fainted.

haha But Arise is quite small and cosy, so his reply isn't so far out actually. I'm in Upper Bukit Timah, and I've been thinking about Arise for a while, but I've not brought DS1 down to take a look at it yet.

I'm not sure if the open classroom concept is suitable for him, but the school seems to have everything well under control. Are the teachers flexible in accomodating children who already know some of the stuff or are a little quirky? DS's previous teacher would make him redo everything over again if he finished early and complained he had nothing to do.

DS actually liked his teachers, and would try to please them by doing what they want him to do and EXACTLy the way they described - even if he can already do something at a more advanced level. As the year passed, DH and I observed that trying to please authority figures in school and having trouble negotiating with other kids his age was damaging to his self-esteem. Even my neighbour observed that he was becoming very moody, and asked me why he stopped smiling and singing. He also began hitting himself a lot, picked his nails till they bled, and stopped drawing.

All these have ceased (!) and he's drawing and singing a lot again. Very chatty again. Significantly, he's much nicer to his little brother now and loving to everyone.

In hindsight it's probably his sensitive temperament coupled with his need to fit in that makes things challenging for us. Fitting in the way he sees it essentially means that he can't be proud of who he is, especially if the teachers are inflexible. This is something that we need time to work on. If the teachers/principal at Arise are accomodating, I would seriously consider taking a second trip down to talk to them.

[kiasulang]

Hi


I would like to share.

I know of a child who was in K2 and did Pr. 6 Math and read J category library books with ease.

And another child who did not get into GEP but pass the Mensa entrance Test.