In-law problems?
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Haiz, how come MILs are all so difficult har, Buds?
When I grow up, my ambition is to be a good MIL. I told my sons and daughters they can leave all the kids to me, and they can go to work. They can go and travel. Hope I can make a difference.
Why do MILs like to compare? Different generation, different circumstances mah... At one time, my hubby thought I was jealous of his mum. I thought how funny?! She was the one jealous! I'm the one with the education, with the kids, with HER son. The son also became siao :siao: after the stress got into him. :lol: Luckily, now I only see her during CNY, and when I need her help, I yell, she still allows the kids to stay at her house once in a while. -
2ppaamm:
She was the one jealous! I'm the one with the education, with the kids, with HER son. .
This is usually the root of the problem especially a very capable DIL. Just gotta understand and get used to it.
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In reference to the why they like to make things difficult and why they like
to compare, to speak for my own MIL experience quote, "I’ve raised my
son for 20 over years and i know him best. No one… i repeat no one will
and can take care of him like how i did. YOU here can’t even make decent
coffee. And you should already know my son can’t do without his coffee."
As i went about making him a cuppa, she lashed, "Forget it. I’ll make
coffee for MY family, the way they have always loved it. Whatcha waiting
for? Get out of my kitchen & get on outside (to the living room where hubs
was waiting for my coffee) I’ll do it." Unquote.
I will NEVER forget this. Cos this happened after we came back from our
honeymoon. So, the phrase honeymoon’s over is so apt in my case. No,
that phrase doesn’t just apply to our children relaxing in their studies… -
buds, yah - same as you, on one hand, we know we have to be filial, cos we are brought up this way, on the other hand, we just want to rid them off, just to save our own sanity... how?
i really think MIL does not accept us into their hearts at all. else why are they like that? I want to treat her like how I treat my own mother, but there's also dis-satisfaction in her part. I tell you, I really do think that I treat her better then how her own daughter treats her... but still.... realy :stupid:
i think we should get another place... even if we treat it like our weekend home is better then to live with them 24/7! -
ks2me:
Exactly, hence the built-in hatred toward DILs. Also they don't appreciate a highly educated DIL. They want them to fall into the traditional role of a submissive woman who cooks, takes care of everyone in the family. They don't care how successful you are in your career. In fact they don't care about you at all. As long as you don't clean and cook (which the maid can do it better and cheaper), you're not qualified as a good DIL.2ppaamm:
She was the one jealous! I'm the one with the education, with the kids, with HER son. .
This is usually the root of the problem especially a very capable DIL. Just gotta understand and get used to it. -
2ppaamm:
2ppaamm,Haiz, how come MILs are all so difficult har, Buds?
When I grow up, my ambition is to be a good MIL. I told my sons and daughters they can leave all the kids to me, and they can go to work. They can go and travel. Hope I can make a difference.
Why do MILs like to compare? Different generation, different circumstances mah... At one time, my hubby thought I was jealous of his mum. I thought how funny?! She was the one jealous! I'm the one with the education, with the kids, with HER son. The son also became siao :siao: after the stress got into him. :lol: Luckily, now I only see her during CNY, and when I need her help, I yell, she still allows the kids to stay at her house once in a while.
:salute: :rahrah: :ugogirl:
My very first thoughts that come to my mind is that my kids will stay on their own after they got married. i don't want to have episode 2 from staying with in-laws and in case i grow to become a grumpy woman, i don't want my kids and their family to suffer because of me. i will leave them to arrange for childcare, but i will tell them that i will step in if they need me to. I would like to travel once a while, so if its possible we can rotate the schedule. it will be nice if we could go travelling once a while, but i know i can only put it in the wishing list. i really don't know what will become of me - maybe i will die young so no chance to see my kids get married? but if i do have my chance, please help to remind me how i suffered from my DIL days and not let my DIL suffer the same as me...
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minnie2004:
minnie2004,
Exactly, hence the built-in hatred toward DILs. Also they don't appreciate a highly educated DIL. They want them to fall into the traditional role of a submissive woman who cooks, takes care of everyone in the family. They don't care how successful you are in your career. In fact they don't care about you at all. As long as you don't clean and cook (which the maid can do it better and cheaper), you're not qualified as a good DIL.
actually i think most mil wants an equal DIL, so can bully mah... :lol:
joke aside, seriously i think they really don't care about DIL, even if you can clean and cook well, you are also not qualified as a good DIL = ref: buds.
For my case, to be a good DIL is very simple, just follow whatever MIL's instructions and never question her. Give in to her every whin and whime and polish her shoes and kneel down every morning to serve her tea. also must always be soft-spoken and refer to yourself as the lowest being. never raise voice towards her and never ever answer back her scolding... -
I wholeheartedly agree with you tree nymph. I do feel bad when i do
think of them being alone in the last years of their lives. I do feel a lil
guilty since my SIL has an unwelcoming issue which she (MIL) caught
on when BIL told her they (ILs) can live with him. SIL told me that she
was never consulted with that invitation. She is after all the co-owner
of that house. I also get her frustration.. so if MIL says she's not gg to
be comfortable in BIL's place since it's someone else's house and not
hers or her favourite filial son's (hubs) then you wonder where wud
they go? Then the pity comes in and i go, hey... i'm better than this.
I have been educated with good parents with good family values, so
why am i even thinking it... then again she goes round robin fussing
over every single shortcoming of mine and mind you never hers.
She told me she was the best DIL any MIL cud wish for. Never talked
back, stayed humbled, mouth shut, never argue, filial till her MIL's
death and that's how DILs should be. Sarcastic again la as usual.. :x
I dun like to be someone without an opinion.. or like a ox being pulled
by the rings on its nose.. i dun like how i'm that unhappy. And it doesn
help at all that hubs doesn't know all this. I dun really like to tell him
stuff, it is his mum and he never believes me anyhow. He just always
says his mum is not like that. Ya... cos he's never around to see it
happen. All's well in his presence, the pretense makes me :sick:.
Like you, i cared for her better than her sons did... sons being boys and
growing into men will lack some personal touch and female bonding with
mum. I filled in those gaps. And yet, i'm always the black sheep.
Ya, the moving out thingy permanent or temp... i've tried many many
times to no avail. Each time i get my hopes up, i only get crushed all
over again. Hubs will go yes yes.. and if mum goes no no.. then it's no
loh.
Sanity? There might still be a slim hope for one thin silver lining if it has
not faded yet by the time i get the hope fulfilled. Hopefully not when i'm
dead then i can RIP. ie. Rest In Peace. :roll: -
minnie2004:
Exactly, hence the built-in hatred toward DILs. Also they don't appreciate a highly educated DIL. They want them to fall into the traditional role of a submissive woman who cooks, takes care of everyone in the family. They don't care how successful you are in your career. In fact they don't care about you at all. As long as you don't clean and cook (which the maid can do it better and cheaper), you're not qualified as a good DIL.[/quote]I'm the maid! I cook. I clean. And i'm still never gonna be qualified.ks2me:
[quote=\"2ppaamm\"] She was the one jealous! I'm the one with the education, with the kids, with HER son. .
This is usually the root of the problem especially a very capable DIL. Just gotta understand and get used to it. -
tree nymph:
For my case, to be a good DIL is very simple, just follow whatever MIL's instructions and never question her. Give in to her every whin and whime and polish her shoes and kneel down every morning to serve her tea. also must always be soft-spoken and refer to yourself as the lowest being. never raise voice towards her and never ever answer back her scolding...
You cud not have said it better, tree nymph.
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