In-law problems?
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2ppaamm:
Ha ha... old already mah.... and, can you imagine, the thoughts of the ILs and what they did still bite.[/quote]But you guys have gone through at least 2 '7 years itch' in the marriage. And I believe your kids are quite grown up. So your relationship with MIL should somehow ease.
YOU ARE 20 YEARS MARRIED ALREADY?????winth:
[quote=\"2ppaamm\"]
In my close to 20 years of marriage, the only quarrels I had with my hubby were over MIL and SIL. Otherwise, we have mutual respect and love for each other very much.
I would say, ILs rank #1 for me, maids #2. The children don't even give us half the stress.
That's really tough... -
buds:
you know buds, sometimes how i wish I get posted overseas for work and the package would allow me to bring my kids along with me? sometimes i even think of just packing up my bags, bring my kids and just go! to somewhere nobody knows us and easy for me to find decent work and bring the kids up decently. sometimes i even think that camping in the East Coast Park is a better option then going back to the 'house'. i felt so caged up, its not a home to me, i was never treated as though i belong there.I've had enuf of the shit oredi. I'm up to my neck full.
I just mind my business and my distance with them.
Dowan to quarrel anymore. I'm reali worn out by
these freaking politics. It is supposed to be a home
for God's sake. Not a battle ground. No one's a winner
in a family argument. Each episode just fuels up more
animosity amongst everyone in da house making it
uncomfortable a place to stay.
i got chased out of the house before and i told her that i will go, but please give me a few months looking for a place. Then she went hysterical...
she shouted at me:\" is this it? is this your hideous scheme? to make me a scapegoat for you to move out??? YOU wanna move all the time and now you drove me to drive you out of the house, right? this is your scheme right? to make me look bad right??
i was like??? why was she like that???
i didn't get to move out that time after all...buds:
Me too. and it doesn't help that hubs is always never at home to help out with the kids and all. Most of the time, I'm like a single parent, under someone else's roof, ηδΊΊηθΈθ²θΏζ₯ε... its really a bad feeling. the very first time i asked for divorce is right after my first boy was born. really cannot take the shit and i fell into depression and wanna kill myself and kid. so i just wanna out and of course kid will follow me. i think hubs talked to his mum and she laid low for a while, just a short while... before her true colors appear again.I'm already unhappy with my life... thanks to her i
became unhappy with my marriage and my husband
too at times. I told him to divorce me b4 we had kids
so to spare me of all the crap. She doesn't like me...
I'm fine with it. And i can get out of the marriage.. we
were already arguing so much then anyway. So fed up.
So very unhappy. She was a real pain..:x
I asked for divorce again last year, but hubs told me why punish him for what his mum is... its not fair for him... told him i'm losing it soon... gosh... am tearing while writing this....
hubs, my FIL is not too bad, BUT he is really under her thumb and didn't dare to stand up against her. Even he has to do her bidding! Every time we quarrel, he will ask me to give in and apologize to her and make peace. He will beg and beg me. I can't harden my heart to see him begging like this, how could anyone??!! For his and hub's sake, i got to bow my head, swollow my pride and my dignity and say sorry to her. even there's nothing wrong in my part. I'm not giving in this time. No more apologising for something that I didn't do wrong. I WILL BE STRONG.
i'm going to do what rugrats_pat done, to look for a place now. really gotta do something about this, else i will lose it very soon...
ps... I think i really have opened up my heart now, my tears are not stopping... i feel such great saddnes... i feel like crying out loud... and i'm in the office with my angmo boss who had flown in from HK...
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winth:
My opinion? You decide whether your marriage will work or not, nobody else can. If you want it to work, it will. You will do everything to make it last. However, these days, people get into situations and they think their marriage is the cause of the problems. Thing is, when they get out, they realise the problems are even bigger.U know, sometimes I wonder...
If one fine day, for some reason, I really cannot continue my marriage with DH, will they do the 'I told you so... thing'
Well, I'm no marriage counselor, but I have many divorced friends who realise what complications they added to their lives after the divorce. And, things just didn't improve either, whether they become alone or with another party.
Just my observation. And, the biggest part is, the kids will be adversely affected, no matter what nonsense the media or woman advocate groups tell you. Those are just bullshit. Children can only prosper in a proper family with proper role models. They need to feel secure, loved and watch the right role models through their parents. What big shoes we have to fill. -
2ppaamm:
:goodpost:
My opinion? You decide whether your marriage will work or not, nobody else can. If you want it to work, it will. You will do everything to make it last. However, these days, people get into situations and they think their marriage is the cause of the problems. Thing is, when they get out, they realise the problems are even bigger.winth:
U know, sometimes I wonder...
If one fine day, for some reason, I really cannot continue my marriage with DH, will they do the 'I told you so... thing'
Well, I'm no marriage counselor, but I have many divorced friends who realise what complications they added to their lives after the divorce. And, things just didn't improve either, whether they become alone or with another party.
Just my observation. And, the biggest part is, the kids will be adversely affected, no matter what nonsense the media or woman advocate groups tell you. Those are just bullshit. Children can only prosper in a proper family with proper role models. They need to feel secure, loved and watch the right role models through their parents. What big shoes we have to fill. -
2ppaamm:
yes, ILs are #1 stress for me too.
In my close to 20 years of marriage, the only quarrels I had with my hubby were over MIL and SIL. Otherwise, we have mutual respect and love for each other very much.winth:
Do you think ILs do breakup or worsen a marriage?
It doesn't seem to make any sense here, but I think bad ILs do contribute in this manner.
I would say, ILs rank #1 for me, maids #2. The children don't even give us half the stress.
And I've a few friends, marriage broke down because of the MILs... dunno what these MILs have in their minds, cos utimately her kid and her grandkids suffers too... -
winth:
But you guys have gone through at least 2 '7 years itch' in the marriage. And I believe your kids are quite grown up. So your relationship with MIL should somehow ease.
Well, my own father went astray after 26 years of marriage. What does that tell you? We must constantly work on the relationship no matter how long we've been married. There are just too many temptations out there for both men and women nowadays. We must resolute to work hard, very hard.
Also the media and movies are giving all the wrong signals about family lives. Single mothers, single fathers. They make a joke out of everything. But the reality is, kids from such families will invariably have a scar in their lives, no matter which generation you come from. If you do a search on Obama's speeches, you will see that even the most powerful man on earth yearns for a father's love, and a complete family.
The fortunate thing is, the MIL is no longer in the picture, except during CNY. So life is a lot more peaceful these days. I am actually enjoying myself quite a lot nowadays compared to my younger days. So those of you who are still suffering, be still and work another few more years. You will be out of the shit hole soon.
If you give up now, you'll have to start all over again in a new situation, new family perhaps, totally alone even. What can be worse? I used to plan around the problems, by going out of the country a lot with DH, and we spent a lot of time overseas as a family, just to getaway.
Getaway now and then, but come back to reality and handle the bull by the horns. The good thing is, tomorrow will certainly be better. I promise. -
tree nymph:
:goodpost:
:oops: :thankyou: -
2ppaamm:
I agree with you totally. So the best actually is too keep low profile. Just nod the head and keep quiet.
Just my observation. And, the biggest part is, the kids will be adversely affected, no matter what nonsense the media or woman advocate groups tell you. Those are just bullshit. Children can only prosper in a proper family with proper role models. They need to feel secure, loved and watch the right role models through their parents. What big shoes we have to fill. -
rugrats_pat:
rugats_pat,
I agree with you totally. So the best actually is too keep low profile. Just nod the head and keep quiet.2ppaamm:
Just my observation. And, the biggest part is, the kids will be adversely affected, no matter what nonsense the media or woman advocate groups tell you. Those are just bullshit. Children can only prosper in a proper family with proper role models. They need to feel secure, loved and watch the right role models through their parents. What big shoes we have to fill.
is it? i don't think i can do that anymore, i can't give in to her any longer and kow tow to her any more... -
tree nymph:
rugats_pat,
I agree with you totally. So the best actually is too keep low profile. Just nod the head and keep quiet.rugrats_pat:
[quote=\"2ppaamm\"]
Just my observation. And, the biggest part is, the kids will be adversely affected, no matter what nonsense the media or woman advocate groups tell you. Those are just bullshit. Children can only prosper in a proper family with proper role models. They need to feel secure, loved and watch the right role models through their parents. What big shoes we have to fill.
is it? i don't think i can do that anymore, i can't give in to her any longer and kow tow to her any more...[/quote]I can't do the nodding anymore.. neck aching too much liao over the years
but i now do the stoic zombie kinda quiet. That stance alone is chilling enuf
for someone who knows the cheerful and vibrant me.. HER included. :lol:
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