In-law problems?
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Reading all your posts, I start to marvel at how the problems are so similar in every family :? Did all the MIL go to the same school? Ha ha...
But hey, I think I have gotten out, since I couldn't care less about what the MIL or SIL do or say anymore. I used to care a lot.
Last November, my 4th kid was sick and could not go to school. I had to work, I had no help at home. So, I asked if I could drive him over for just 3 hours since she would be at home. She was so reluctant, because she knew DS2 is autistic and she was afraid he would harm SIL's kids.
In the end, I had to drive my feverish son to my office, give him a robotic lego, dress him up in thick jacket, and lock up the room. I went to do my lecture, and then got him after the class. Then, I drove him to see a doc.
After that, I was fuming with anger. Even a neighbour would have lent a helping hand for that few hours, and she was free. I told DH that I will never love his mother and sister in this life. I will respect MIL as a DIL with all my heart and do the duties. But, there's absolutely no love. For all the things she has done to me.
DH was so sad, he drove out and did not come home for many hours. In our 2 decades of marriage, it is the first time he ever did that. Then, it occurred to me how foolish I was. Why let someone so unimportant affect the relationship with some I love?
I have now made a resolution never to mention SIL or MIL in DH's presence again, unless I have something good to say. I want to keep my marriage alive, and nobody would take that away. I even ask DH to get MIL's account number so that I can transfer some cash to her every month. It's dues I feel we have to pay.
All these, so that my children will remember how to treat me when I grow old one day. Love, honestly, I have none for them. But duty, I have to fulfill. And, whatever decision I make, it must not be impulsive so that we end up poorer: financially, spiritually, emotionally, mentally, or physically.
Therefore, friends, whatever decision, weigh carefully (e.g. moving out) make sure we do not end up jumping from the frying pan into the fire. Starting a new household is expensive, tiring and painful in its own ways. But if we work hard, and DH can understand and support in every aspect, then, I'd say go for it! -
minnie2004:
Capable DIL always attract such scrutiny. Does hubby like to praise you a lot in front of her?After reading all your stories, mine may look trivial but would still like share with you:
1) Told my DH that I'm \"ke fu\" (bad luck to husband) because my little finger is too short :stupid: The reality is, I'm totally \"wang fu\" as DH's fortune turned around after we got married - found a good job that he finally likes and suits him (was b/t jobs for quite a while), paid off all debt (student loans), have 2 lovely kids. In fact she's the one who has a typical ke fu face, I checked those fortune teller books.
2) Looked at my DD's ears and said, \"how come none of your kids got your ears\" (she thinks DH has good ears which are flat and close to the face), implying they got those ears from me. I wanted to say how come none of my kids got my eyes then (I have big eyes but my DH has narrow ones), but i didn't say anything.
3) Always wants me to eat the unhealthy food that she cooks although she’s the one who’s always talking about how to eat healthy (i think she's only telling me that so I can cook healthy food for his son). E.g. Once she cooked fatty pork and asked me to eat (but didn't ask his own sons to eat). When I said I didn't eat fatty pork ever since I was a little kid and I always feel sick if I eat the fat, she accused me behind my back later to his 2 sons of being ungrateful and distorted my words into “I’ll vomit eating the food she cooks”.
4) Her favorite activity during those few occasions when we went on family vacation together was to sit on the side and monitor everything I do/eat and criticize at any opportunity. E.g. when she saw me eating an apple she asked me if I had any for the kids (my BIL's kids, their mom was not there. She was smart enough to always find some excuses not to join these kind of vacations). Then I told her it’s the last apple and a rotten one. Then she’s silent. When she saw me eating some whole-wheat bread while the other kids (again BIL's kids) are eating white bread for breakfast, she asked me why I’m not sharing my bread with the others. I said I don’t eat white bread and I thought the kids only likes to eat white bread. Then she said the kids will be curious if I’m eating something different. :siao:
5. Plays favoritism. She always favors my BIL's kids more as they were her first grandchildren. During a dinner, in front of everyone, she complemented BIL's kids (11, 9, and 7 years olds) for being kind, good kids. Then she turned to our kids (then 2 and 4) with a straight face and said they need to learn.
In a word, she doesn't treat me a bit as a family member, who'd always think of the best interest of that person. In fact she treats me worse than a stranger. Of course I could care less at this point. -
I don’t have in laws but i always thinking, in future when dd is being bullied by her in laws, i will never let them go easily. DILs are also others daughters. What rights do they have to ill-treat other parents’ daughters. I will sure help dd to fight with them :x.
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daisyt:
I don't have in laws but i always thinking, in future when dd is being bullied by her in laws, i will never let them go easily. DILs are also others daughters. What rights do they have to ill-treat other parents' daughters. I will sure help dd to fight with them :x.
Yeah!!! Mums are so important. I believe MIL gives my mom a lot of face. If not for mom, I believe I'd never get out of a lot of s*** MIL gave me. Yes, Daisyt, be there for your daughters. I will also be there for mine! -
I have a little suggestion for you buds. You are obviously very capable and very intelligent. Go get a part-time job and stay home less often. Do you want to be an editor of a website? How about starting a website yourself or something?
Go work in the park with the Wireless SG. Go to starbuck and do your work. I’m sure you will derive a lot of happiness. Get someone else to handle the household chores.
Simply, ignore those who make you mad and avoid them, and just go and be happy. I really see a lot of potential in your writing, knowledge and your bubbly personality. -
2ppaamm:
:!: :!: 2ppaamm, THAT must have been a HIGHLY stressful day for you. Gosh, how did you manage to even give a lecture with a peace of mind??Last November, my 4th kid was sick and could not go to school. I had to work, I had no help at home. So, I asked if I could drive him over for just 3 hours since she would be at home. She was so reluctant, because she knew DS2 is autistic and she was afraid he would harm SIL's kids.
In the end, I had to drive my feverish son to my office, give him a robotic lego, dress him up in thick jacket, and lock up the room. I went to do my lecture, and then got him after the class. Then, I drove him to see a doc.
I can understand if MIL have issues with DIL, but WHY must they get the kids involve?? I mean, after all, they (the kids) belong to their sons too wat ... -
Hi all mothers,
After reading all your posts, I realise that all MILs are all the same. Sometimes, my friends also complained about their MILs.
My ILs are staying with me and they dun have house. Now, I am pregnant with my second one. My first one is a girl and they were very disappointed as they want to have a grandson. When I was pregnant with my first one, before they knew the gender, my MIL still cared about me and my baby but after that dun care. Now, they knew that my second one is also a girl, they totally hard care. Dun even bother to ask anything after my every scan. Sometimes, I feel very sorry to my children. My first girl is taken care by my mother. My mother's side love her alot. But my ILs just care about my SIL's children. Always think of them, never spare a thought on my girl. The worst part is that I cannot talk any bad things about them to my husband. He will bad at me and give me face.
Actually, I should try to feel happy and relax as I am pregnant but look at them, I really cannot tolerate. Sometimes, complain to my mother and today, I cannot tolerate, I cried infront of my mother. My mother feels sorry to me and told me that if they dun love my kids, she will love them and look after them.
Sometimes, I really want to divorce. If I dun have any kids, I really will divorce but now, cannot, I need to think of them.
I really scare that I will get depression after I give birth in the April. My husband also doesnt concern about me, always thinks of his parents.
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autumnbronze:
It is because he is autistic and she wants to make sure her daughter's children will not be 'disturbed' by my son.
:!: :!: 2ppaamm, THAT must have been a HIGHLY stressful day for you. Gosh, how did you manage to even give a lecture with a peace of mind??2ppaamm:
Last November, my 4th kid was sick and could not go to school. I had to work, I had no help at home. So, I asked if I could drive him over for just 3 hours since she would be at home. She was so reluctant, because she knew DS2 is autistic and she was afraid he would harm SIL's kids.
In the end, I had to drive my feverish son to my office, give him a robotic lego, dress him up in thick jacket, and lock up the room. I went to do my lecture, and then got him after the class. Then, I drove him to see a doc.
I can understand if MIL have issues with DIL, but WHY must they get the kids involve?? I mean, after all, they (the kids) belong to their sons too wat ...
That wasn't a record setting stressful day for me, I had a few more, which include being fired from my job or choose to resign, because I AWOL due to her nonappearance to take care of my kids. I had to pay a hefty 6 months salary in lieu of notice.
After so many years, I fail to be surprised anymore. So, most importantly, I told myself that I must be self-sufficient and never need to depend on my MIL. When my FIL was alive, I was my FIL's fave. He really doted on me. But I know MIL was jealous. Now that he passed on, she has no regards for her own son even. During my BIL's wedding, she asked my whole family to sit on another table, while she shared table with his SIL and invited his family to sit on the host's table. So weird. :siao: I think she has not gotten over my FIL's sudden death.
I do suspect DH is not her son, because he is the only son with children, and 5 of them, with boys and girls. She'd rather ditch us and look after her daughter's 2 children. My maid for 7 years was shocked at how she prepared meals for us and her family. All she could say was, \"I think Ah Ma doesn't like Sir.\" It is perfectly ok not to be liked. But, why tell the world that he is the favourite son? -
rugrats_pat:
Still remember the first job that I had, my direct manager wanted to do a house visit, I couldnt say no. So I informed my MIL about the impending visit during the coming weekend. She said, “ You mean she is coming to MY house?
On one of MIL's :siao: days.. she said to my guests that she
was the tenant nia in the house, so no need specifically come
out to see to the guests when my guests said, \"Ehh.. didn't know
you were around, auntie..\" :roll: While she chuckled and left the table,
my guests turn awkwardly to me and glanced an apologetic look. I thot
i didn't get the joke (since she chuckled at the end of her sentence).. My
guests were wide-eyed and so... i suppose they didn't get it either loh. :roll:
I didn't even wanna bother to think why she even said that. It would have
riled me up and spoiled my day altogether. See how much power one plain
(or seemingly plain sentence) from her can feel like poison to your heart? -
lovekidsverymuch:
So guess I am not the one who thinks the best way to get out of all the problems is just dont talk my MIL also stay with me toghther and its our house but she still tell DH its their also dunno how :? but we just dont speak to each other now totally nothing at all
:!: It's your house and she acts the shao-nai-nai part? :!:
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