In-law problems?

[angela]

2ppaamm:

Hi Angela,

If you are still in the 2nd trimester and can travel, go take a breather somewhere else.

Also MIL are no big deal lah, they are not the main feature or characters in your life. Your children and hubby are. So what if MIL don't love you? You are already big ma, it is the children who need your love, so focus on them, and not on that MIL of yours. If yours become of somebody one day, she will come knocking, for sure. She will boast to all her friends about the grandchildren by you. So work on that.

Husbands are also like that lah. I prefer to think that he is a good man, he will not bad mouth his mother or his family. My DH will claim he has forgotten everytime I remind him what the ILs do. I used to think he was lying. Now I believe he really forgot the unhappiness. By the same token, you will know that he will never say bad things about you.

Be cheerful, and focus on the baby, read books to him, play some nice music, avoid MIL for now. Work on your kids. That'll be the best revenge.

Hi,

Thanks for your reply.

My mum also told me that. She told me that since my ILs love and put all their attention on their daughter's children, nevermind, we just raised our kids well and smart. So next time, she will know that my kids are all smart and well-behaved.

Actually, after that day cried infront of my mum, I felt really relaxed. I worried that I will affect my baby. I also told my baby that I will try not to think too much, will try to be happy and relaxed.

Luckily, I have my mum to look after my girl. If I dun have my mum to help me, I dunno whether I will go crazy or not. Ha ha ha!

[corneyAmber]

2ppaamm:

I believe a filial son has probably got good values and a kind heart. Very important husband material, leh.

I also think the same. So on that premise, I also go easy on my MIL, at least she inculcates good values and kind heart in her son.

[Picolo]

2ppaamm:

[Wise indeed, but it also takes an understanding DIL like you to appreciate.


BTW, did she help to look after your children or anything?

She lives in the north and I stay in the west, so I prefer to find a baby-sitter living nearby to look after my eldest when my maternity leave was coming to an end. Anyway, she is also the kind who likes to go on holidays a few times yearly, cos her daughters will sponsor her trips! However, she is very supportive lah. She will be there whenever we needs her help. Like, when we went on short overseas trips without my eldest when he was less than 3, or when he was ill or we can't/don't know how to take care of him due to our inexperience, she would come over to look after him without hesitation. When my second was born, I started to have a domestic helper and my mum who lives nearer came over to help me watch over the household matters while I was at work. My MIL took care of me during my 3 confinements. :love:

My MIL is the decisive and straightforward type, very 豪爽, like a 侠女! Well, this is how my sis describes her

[2ppaamm]

Picolo:

She lives in the north and I stay in the west, so I prefer to find a baby-sitter living nearby to look after my eldest when my maternity leave was coming to an end. Anyway, she is also the kind who likes to go on holidays a few times yearly, cos her daughters will sponsor her trips! However, she is very supportive lah. She will be there whenever we needs her help. Like, when we went on short overseas trips without my eldest when he was less than 3, or when he was ill or we can't/don't know how to take care of him due to our inexperience, she would come over to look after him without hesitation. When my second was born, I started to have a domestic helper and my mum who lives nearer came over to help me watch over the household matters while I was at work. My MIL took care of me during my 3 confinements. :love:


My MIL is the decisive and straightforward type, very 豪爽, like a 侠女! Well, this is how my sis describes her

Lucky you!

[Picolo]

2ppaamm:

Lucky you!

Now we have mutual respect for each other. But who knows? If we had to live under the same roof 10 years ago, perhaps things would be different?

[2ppaamm]

Picolo:

2ppaamm:

Lucky you!

Now we have mutual respect for each other. But who knows? If we had to live under the same roof 10 years ago, perhaps things would be different?

Yep, I think that makes a huge difference.

[surfermom]

2ppaamm:

I reflected upon how the situations could have been better. If DH would believe me when I told him how his mum REALLY is, then I wouldn't get so angry. If he would listen a bit deeper into what his mum is saying against me, perhaps I wouldn't pick up a quarrel. Perhaps if he would offer a shoulder to cry on rather than focus on defending his side of the family, I will not think I'm alone in this battle. This defense won't change wife's point of view and improve MIL/DIL relationship, it only pulls hubby and wife further apart, it seems.

I agree... Strangest thing is, on hindsight, I realised I should always have been more firm, expressive & direct. Occasionally, I really didn't know if I should have said my displeasure directly to my Outlaws or do what I've been doing - tell hubby to relate the message to them.

My Outlaws clearly angered me in the last few weeks. After the episode when she decided to cut his hair and bringing him to their home without the intention of telling me (let alone ask), more followed. They came to my shop on the beach. FIL told me he wants to bring my son to Macdonald's to eat french fries. I told him nicely that his car has no baby seat and therefore not safe to drive him unnecessarily for a few km. The restaurant in the club sells french fries too and they can eat there. The kids played and after some time, he was carrying my son. He told me that he's bringing him for a walk. I asked what time will he return and he said it's just a very short walk. My son refused to leave with him and was pulling my maid along. So all of them went. It was almost one hour before my maid came back with my tot. They had gone to Mac and guess what? There was no stroll, they went straight to the car. My FIL intentionally lied to me for his self-gratification. He could hv driven my hubby's car or he could hv merely insisted to defy me, instead of telling a blatant lie.

I was hot...but since they did not return, I could not say anything. Hence I told hubby what happened and asked him to tell them that what they did was offending to me. My hubby did not say anything for 3 days because he claims he did not know what to do. I explained to him that issues concerning his son's safety is an instinctive one, not discussive one. There's no need to call for a board meeting nor to be afraid of offending his parents. Apparently so. In no time, the old folks will forget and nothing gets done, things are bound to repeat. They will continue to barge into our home without calling, take my son away without informing/asking, lie to me despite my clear instructions...all because they think it's their rightful authority to their grandson and whatever DIL says is trivial/can be ignored.

We had our first major quarrel in years and it can only be over his parents. As most have agreed, kids' issues are nothing compared to Outlaws' issues...I can't agree more.

[2ppaamm]

I used to get angry with my FIL for doing such things as well. But, now that he has passed on, I really miss him and I can only think of all the good things he did for me. I wished I had been kinder to him.


If safety is an issue, and FIL definitely wants to drive his own car, get another car seat (2nd hand or booster seat also can) for FIL’s car, perhaps? It will save a lot of quarrels and headaches for DH. I’m sure he will appreciate you for doing so.

Your FIL seems to love his grandchild a lot. How I wish my MIL will love my kids like this, too.

Just a suggestion.

[Picolo]

Sufermom,


I agree with 2ppaamm. Maybe, if you put yourself in his shoes and you can better understand your FIL’s intentions? I believe he loves his grandchild a lot and just wants to sayang and spends some good time with his gc.

My FIL loves my kids very much and would always drive all the way to my place to pick them up and bring them to various parks to play. He drives them in the van! Should I be worried? Yes. Of course as mothers we will definitely have the saftety concerns. But, I wouldn’t pick up a fight over this, because I know deep inside he loves the kids a lot and will drive carefully. He is never a reckless driver. I will also tell the kids not to be rowdy in the van so that their grandpapa can concentrate on his driving.

My FIL does this a lot lesser after we bought our car few years back, but, I know my children have always have the beautiful memories of those days when their grandpapas bring them out. In his van.

[tree nymph]

surfermom,

to me, i think you can take 2ppaamm advise and get another car seat for your FIL’s car. BUT I also think you have to talk to both of them about lying to you. Tell them that kids learn from adults and if they are doing this, they are not setting a good example to the kids. If its to me, the lying part is more serious then the safety part. but talk to them properly.