In-law problems?

[PnTMom]

buds:

And to this day, i'm praying we'd get out of this rut. Like treenymph said,
for the sake of our dignity, sanity and happiness... we need to get our
own place no matter how big... no matter how small... as long as we are
all together. If he still wants us that is..

hugs buds

[2ppaamm]

buds:

And to this day, i'm praying we'd get out of this rut. Like treenymph said,
for the sake of our dignity, sanity and happiness... we need to get our
own place no matter how big... no matter how small... as long as we are
all together. If he still wants us that is..

I have PMed you the link for good-value rental places. Perhaps after you've moved out, your MIL will see your goodness and come to her senses. We can only pray for that, and you need not get involved with her anymore, except for occasions like CNY. I'm down to only that just to make hubs happy.

And, I know for sure you'll love to be yourself again. Getting a new place is like getting married once again. We had to get our finances calculation in place, set expectations, divide chores, get the children re-orientated. A lot of stress, too. Please plan carefully, and have fun!

I remember having to paint my children's room when I was 8 months' pregnant with DD1 14 years ago. And even though it was difficult, it was freedom, and I started charting our new course!

Having said all that, I still believe harmony is the best gift in any family. I do hope to see that in young families, and I sometimes wish I had given my FIL and hubby a bit more of that...

[Tri-mum]

:hugs: Hi Buds, accidentally chanced into this thread and by reading your posts really bring tears to my eyes....especially when you mentioned earlier that your DD said she will stand by you during your most devastated situation....so sensible and this s the most comforting words for sure (I believe even better than DH said I love you :lol: ). Your MIL is really a tough woman. Didn't your FIL say something and maybe you can try talking to your DH to move out and if your DH is worry for his parents maybe tell him to move somewhere nearby instead of staying under one roof and this will also helpt to reduce conflicts. God bless you and give you peace.

[cmm]

My heart goes out to u, buds dear.... :hugs: :hugs:


What you have endured all this while is more than what any other person could bear.

What can I say?? Preferred DIL or not, YOU are the DIL proper, for goodness sake!

\"What God has joined together, let no man put asunder....\"

[2ppaamm]

cmm:

\"What God has joined together, let no man put asunder....\"

How true, but some MIL are like that
:siao: My aunt was like that, too, always looking out for another person for my cousin when the kids were young. For some reason, she changed one day and became ok with her DIL (as in she no longer hates her DIL). Don't know what changed that, though. She has since passed on, and the kids are in their 20s already.

[rocklee]

Hi buds


I’m with you. Hope your girls are not "traumatised" by this drama. For this coming year of the tiger, I hope you can "roar" like a tiger and take charge of what you want. Take care!

[tree nymph]

buds,

dear, so sorry for you to have gone through the terrible ordeal! i was crying when i read it. i think your MIL tops mine! at least mine is not happy with me, she won't intentionally breakup our marrige. Even though my kids are not her favourite, she still will play with them and i think love them too. Yours!!!??? :x :x :x

i think you should also plan to move. cannot cannot, repeat, cannot stay there anymore. there are 4 of you, plan and move to a 2 bedroom. though it maybe small, the peace will be worth it. save the gals too!

CNY is here soon, I wish you the very best for this year and hope that you will also find a place and find the happiness which is very long overdue to you! :hugs: :hugs:

[buds]

The ordeal in my marriage i find was more than i could take.. but i

suppose HE knew me better. Through the adversities i soldiered
to rise and garner even more strength, to see through the times going
forward... even stronger than ever. I have taken almost a year to heal
from my worst tsunami.

It was never my intention to bad mouth my ILs esp my MIL here. I am
one stressed out wife, mum and DIL... only God knows how i have
ranked in his challenges. This thread was initially my space of solace..
knowing i'm not alone in my hurdles. That there are ppl out there who
did understand what i was going through... even though hubs didn't...

MIL is but only one part of my complicated life but i have tailored it more
simply, more tapered and more straightfwd to make life more positive so
that these past 10 years, i could be as sane as i cud be and retain as
much happiness as i can in my own ways.

My love for hubs grew on me over the years despite him not being my
1st choice for a husband, despite the troubles and misunderstandings
with MIL, FIL and BIL... I began to slowly see the side of hubs that i cud
not see when we first started out... that he is the thoughtful and loving
husband... a strict yet caring father... a filial and most responsible son
and son in law... a great friend in need and a great friend in(bed)deed.. :evil:

:rotflmao: I going :siao: liao this time of the day.. not a day person as
most of you know. Owls are supposed to be sleeping now.. :politebleah:

I do feel it in my gut that through my obstacles in life.. there is a reason
behind everything. I may have been bad in my life and i may be punished
now in real time rather than in after-expiry time. :lol: I do try to feel that
this journey i vowed to undertake with God as my witness amongst the
many guests then, i have went head on and faced the world as it came
to me.. prepared or otherwise.. there is no ideal life, no ideal job, no ideal
MIL... no ideal anything. Idealism is how we want things to be. How we
accept things to make it ideal for us and our lives and its tricky situations.
Of course if we cud get what was ideal in the first place, we wud be the
few who managed to have the cake and got to eat it too.

In the turbulences i have encountered thus far, i did try to work towards
what i thought was the ideal life. I cannot say i have failed cos i didn't
achieve in living the idealistic world i pre-maturely envisioned... i dare say
i have excelled in achieving what many i have adapted or improvised from
the ideals that i was working towards. Not giving up on my ideals entirely
pe se.. but second best is not too bad for me.

What's important is that i choose to be happy regardless of whether i did
fair, good or excellent. Fighting for my happiness (my love and my
marriage)... being surrounded by happiness (my girls) and sharing my
happiness with others (all you good people out there)... is ideal to me.
For it is this small part of happiness that i seek and do have somewhat,
no matter how little or how much... is exactly what's ideal to keep me
going on for as long as i can.

Thanks all for all your prayers regardless in which faith each of you
believe in.. i humbly accept them all. I truly appreciate this invisible
friendship we have here.

I'm deeply gratified and your prayers are really all i need right now.
I cannot thank you enough. All of you. You know who you are... :hugs:

Tiger? Naaah.. i'm more the Dragon.

:celebrate:

[foreverj]

hi buds


my heart goes out to u dear. think your family drama more incredible :!: than the \"niang jia\" show on TV now. although i dun watch the show but i figured wont be much different from yours. stay strong for your daughters :love:

just met up with a fren last night n advised her not to invite the in-laws to stay with them. their situation is also quite complicated cos her dh has a son in earlier marriage n he's taken care by his parents who r living in a different country. becos sometimes u never know how things will transpire when u start living together. better to live apart, see each other once in a while and appreciate one another more.

i told her if she needed any reminder/motivation just check out this thread in the KSP forum.

[autumnbronze]

buds:

Hubs turned red in the face.. I sat kneeled behind the door with my girls
in fright at the drama unfolding.. I cried at MILs attempt to bring the
house down with her insistence and definitely conniving plans.. I just
couldn't stop crying.

Once hubs closed the door to our room, he just leaned on the wall at
the back of the door. His eyes red with anger... and tears flowed down
his cheeks... his back slowly slided downwards and as he sat with his
knees propped up, i noticed he was shivering. He said, \"I've never felt
this angry and sad at the same time in a long time...\" And he just cried
there and then...

buds,
Reading this, my heart goes out to you and esp your sweet and adorable gals. They shdn't be subjected to this by your MIL... I really really hope that buds_hubs will realize that.

buds:

And to this day, i'm praying we'd get out of this rut. Like treenymph said,
for the sake of our dignity, sanity and happiness... we need to get our
own place no matter how big... no matter how small... as long as we are
all together.If he still wants us that is...

All the best buds, things will ALWAYS have a way of working out ... somehow ... :celebrate: :celebrate: :hugs: :hugs: