SAHP or working is better?

[foreverj]

Lock:

agree totally!

i just hope my dd doesn't start asking to excuse herself from going out with me soon. i know a mum who forced her sec school daughters to sit inside hair salon and wait for her to do hair while they have nothing to do. i tot that was a pure waste of their time right? the mum said its only fair since she also waits for them during their enrichment classes.

[minnie2004]

foreverj:

skunk:

Afterall, a simple question will do: If u only have one hour left to live, would u choose to be in the office, or beside your child?

thats what i told myself to convince myself that nothing is more precious and impt than spending time with dd when she's a child. i can always work when she's older but i can never claim back her childhood once its gone. once they reach teenage years, u'll be glad they even want to speak to u, let alone join u for dinners or weekends out together.

On one hand, we should cherish the moments we have with the kids when they're still young, on the other hand, we need to prepare for the feeling of loss when they don't need us anymore. So keeping a job, either PT or FT can be considered an early preparation for that. Sometimes I really wish my kids won't grow up so fast

I dream of one day after DD has grown up and passed the rebellious teenage years, we can do facial and attend yoga classes together

[Lock]

minnie2004:

I dream of one day after DD has grown up and passed the rebellious teenage years, we can do facial and attend yoga classes together

same here :lol: And talk about boys...

[Lock]

foreverj:

Lock:

agree totally!

i just hope my dd doesn't start asking to excuse herself from going out with me soon. i know a mum who forced her sec school daughters to sit inside hair salon and wait for her to do hair while they have nothing to do. i tot that was a pure waste of their time right? the mum said its only fair since she also waits for them during their enrichment classes.

Do hair tog lor! :lol:

[mummy of 2]

Hi-tea, spa and mahjong togather

[foreverj]

hi lock, students can only do so much to their hair right? anyway, i tot its quite a waste of time for the daughters (cos sec school should be busy with homework and CCAs right?) unless they r also enjoying themselves sitting in the salon.


as for me, i was sitting in the salon one day n started asking them how much they charge for cutting my dd's hair. they said $16 n that was cheap compared to junior league. so now planning next time, dd can sit in salon with me to cut hair.

next time, when she grows up and earns her own keep, we can go for facials, hi tea, shopping together! actually i dun do facial, likely she wil go with the dad who is growing more and more \"vain\" as he grows older...

[foreverj]

[quote=\"minnie2004]


On one hand, we should cherish the moments we have with the kids when they're still young, on the other hand, we need to prepare for the feeling of loss when they don't need us anymore. So keeping a job, either PT or FT can be considered an early preparation for that. Sometimes I really wish my kids won't grow up so fast

I dream of one day after DD has grown up and passed the rebellious teenage years, we can do facial and attend yoga classes together [/quote]

definitely! i work PT now but stil a constant struggle cos wil lose out in terms of career progression. sigh, no perfect solution, can only thank God at least i have a choice of doing PT n able to find a meaningful PT job. i also panicked occasionally when i realise my dd growing up so fast, like not enough time with her...

as for rebellious age, sigh... dun even dare to think of it leh...

[toddles]

lovekidsverymuch:

toddles:

I guess ultimately this will show up in how the child relates to the parent in the long run...

So are you suggesting that woman should always be SAHP?

Nope... first premise is whether SAHP or FTWM, priority to be kids, and that will show in how we prioritise whatever time available to us.

of course, easier said than done for me too.

[toddles]

skunk:

Lock:

It is all about being there for your kid emotionally and spiritually and not just physically.

Although a parent can be present physically and absent emotionally, there's no way u can be absent physically and present emotionally.

I still maintain that it's best for the children if a parent can stay at home, depending on family circumstances.

totally agree!

skunk:

This doesn't mean all SAHP are good and all FTWP are bad, but if possible, a SAHP would do wonders not obvious immediately.

However there are some SAHP that really are not suited and end up frustrating themselves and their kids. In the long run, also their relationship with their kids suffers cos of the constant 'power struggle'.

[ksme]

I was a FTWM until few months ago when there was a restructuring in my company. Since then, I have been a SAHM. My son who is now in P4 used to be closer to his father who has a job that has better work life balance than mine did. I had great family support with my mum helping me with DS.


Since stopping work, DS spends more time with me at home. The bond is reinstated and although I still scream at him for not doing his homework or this or that, DS is definitely closer to me. I value the time I have with him and to talk to him about anything he wants to discuss. I recall being impatient with him when I was working last time.

DS seems to be doing well in school and has loads of activities that he can now participate in since I can be there to pick him up or drop him off as and when required compared to last time when we have to worry about logistics and transport.

Even DH can see the difference in the family dynamics and has given me the "permission" to stay home longer. (Permission since he is now the sole breadwinner) When I jokingly told DS that I am going back to work soon, he told me not to. That made my day to know that my son wants me around.

Although there have been offers to go back to work, I have not accepted. Even though there will always be the insecurity about not having an income and also the days when you wonder if the opportunity cost is too high, I think I have made up my mind to stay at home as long as it makes sense for the family.

For those who are contemplating to switch from FTWM to SAHM, I advocate SAHM if family finances permits. The time to build the bond when the kids are young is precious and short. Hopefully, this will help them to become good, sensible adults when they grow up.