SAHP or working is better?

[autumnbronze]

foreverj:

skunk:

If a parent is \"not suitable\" to spend alot of time with their child, then how are they even suitable to be a parent in the first place?

People are not born parents, they become parents.

I know of a young couple, who TOTALLY abandoned their child to the grandparents and maid....and now, they claim they're \"simply not good with kids\". Duh.

The more time one spends with his/her child, the better parent he/she will become.

agreed, esp the last statement! i have a theory that children with a parent at home stays grounded, grows up adopting the beliefs and values of the parents, not to mention being closer to them. not to say FTWP can't achieve that but it probably takes more effort on the part of the WP eg. making up for the lost time on weekends, holidays. Parents need to take a real, keen interest in the lives of their children from the start (not when problems start appearing) n to achieve that - u can't run away from spending time together.

I third that, after mummy of 2's response

Highlighted statements affirm my beliefs

[foreverj]

Luvkid:

As a FTWP, I seldom have time alone with either 1 of my 2 boys. Anyhow, during the last festive season break, I have an extra day off from work, hence decided to spend a half day purely with DS1 who is in P2, as I dun have a chance with him alone. :oops: Normally, life always occupied with 2 DS..... So we spent a \"fun filled\" morning before sending him to school. YES, indeed \"Fun filled\"!! :evil: After breakfast, we spent a full 1 1/2 hour doing on line assesments. He was HELP!! :!: After that, I asked him would he prefer me to staying at home or he prefer to be in student care centre? His answer was the latter cos he said I got myself so busy in teaching him, ironing clothing and preparing lunch. Think he can't stand with me around asking him to do so much, that's y he prefer to to be in student care centre....

hi luvkid, i believe the mundanity of doing all these - coaching, ironing , cooking - will no doubt get to the SAHP once in a while. in fact, as the kid gets older, he/she may even loathe the physical presence of the parent cos constantly got someone at his/ger back to \"guan3\" mah. more impt is whether the kid benefits in the long run in terms of growing up with the right values and someone paying attention to the school work and keeping the kid mixing with the right company of friends.

[Blobbi]

skunk:

Ironically, it's those FTWP who made the wonderful decision to become SAHP, that will face this prob.


After a few days of full interaction with their own children, they might decide they're better off working, since \"they ain't cut out to be SAHP\"....it's just the transitional period!!

There's a difference interacting with them almost the whole day, and \"2 or 3 hours of quality time after work\". Like i said earlier, there's no such thing as \"quality time\". U can't have quality without quantity, when it comes to spending time with your own kids.

I completely agree cos I went through this. Fortunately, I think I've found the right balance now. When the kid is in school, I can focus on something else. When he's back, I have so much more energy and am in a better mood to handle the usual kiddy angst and just chill together.

And yes, I thoroughly believe in \"time\", not quality time. Up to when my son turn 5, I was working and flying around so much, I barely had time to read to him. Now I can safely say our relationship is so much closer, and there's nothing in the world I will exchange that for. :love:

[csc]

Blobbi:

When the kid is in school, I can focus on something else. When he's back, I have so much more energy and am in a better mood to handle the usual kiddy angst and just chill together.

Can't agree with you more. :celebrate:

For me, I am in a better physical and emotional state to handle the teenage angst and yes, chill together.

Enjoying it now.

[mummy of 2]

Blobbi:

skunk:

Ironically, it's those FTWP who made the wonderful decision to become SAHP, that will face this prob.


After a few days of full interaction with their own children, they might decide they're better off working, since \"they ain't cut out to be SAHP\"....it's just the transitional period!!

There's a difference interacting with them almost the whole day, and \"2 or 3 hours of quality time after work\". Like i said earlier, there's no such thing as \"quality time\". U can't have quality without quantity, when it comes to spending time with your own kids.

I completely agree cos I went through this. Fortunately, I think I've found the right balance now. When the kid is in school, I can focus on something else. When he's back, I have so much more energy and am in a better mood to handle the usual kiddy angst and just chill together.

And yes, I thoroughly believe in \"time\", not quality time. Up to when my son turn 5, I was working and flying around so much, I barely had time to read to him. Now I can safely say our relationship is so much closer, and there's nothing in the world I will exchange that for. :love:

I'm trying to find that balance too, but find it increasingly harder, with the ever-growing workload.

[daisyt]

For working parents, we have all kinds of office politics and problems to handle. Come back home, we have problems of children to handle and resolve. Sometimes, if we cannot stay cool and bring back the work problems home, our mood would affect our family members as well. Speaking about that, we parents are also normal human being. Our kids can rely us to help them solve their problems, share their woes. Sometimes, I would share my problems with dd but it might seems too complicated for her to understand. Morever, I find it not so fair for her to absorb all these at this age. Stay at home parents have their other set of problems too. So its really not a matter of SAHP or FTWP or PTWP to link with how well the children would turn up to be. Its the parent's attitute towards their life and the life of their children that count. JMHO ....

[mummy of 2]

daisyt:

Sometimes, if we cannot stay cool and bring back the work problems home, our mood would affect our family members as well. Speaking about that, we parents are also normal human being. So its really not a matter of SAHP or FTWP or PTWP to link with how well the children would turn up to be. Its the parent's attitute towards their life and the life of their children that count. JMHO ....

Couldn't have said it better myself. It's not easy to leave work issues at work, esp when you face a lot of deadlines, find yourself stretched in all direction, at work, at home, and trying to find \"me\" time to keep sane. :stupid:

My kids are too young for me to burden them with the stresses of working life. But DS1 does know that it's not easy for us to work. He says when he grows, he will work and support us. That's enough to keep me going again.

[daisyt]

hi mummy of 2, thats sweet of your DS1.


I quite like the idea of this programe in certain companies, where children go to work with parents, to see how they work and understand their work. Hopefully, more and more pro-family companies can do that.

[buds]

csc:

Blobbi:

When the kid is in school, I can focus on something else. When he's back, I have so much more energy and am in a better mood to handle the usual kiddy angst and just chill together.

Can't agree with you more. :celebrate:

For me, I am in a better physical and emotional state to handle the teenage angst and yes, chill together.

Enjoying it now.

Ya, true bliss. Can stay home KSP while HE deals with the work. :lol:
But SAHP with ILs also gotta handle politics... and most times worse
than office politics. So i hide in room and chat with you guys, some
more so hot now... on aircon and chill. Yeaahh chill.

It's hard to imagine your children in angst csc jie. :love:

SAHP get to nip issues in the bud as we see the child off to school
and receive the child when he/she arrives home. We're the parent,
the coach, the cook and also the friend. With so many negative
behaviours on the rise, it does help being there to monitor their
growth and be there for them... for better or for worse.

Work hand in hand.

Sometimes my girls help me with housework and i decline and told
them to rest or play have some of their own time they'd say, \"You
also help us with our work, we'll help you with yours.\" Mebbe they
saw i left the pile to rise and finish off with them first so they took
pity on me. Hee. Hubs sometimes adds if we all pitch in like
this often, then everybody gets to play/chill together!

I recently told them i might be going back to work and both of them
went... \"Aaaawww...\" and gave me a d'ya reali have to face. :politebleah:

[Blobbi]

mummy of 2:

But DS1 does know that it's not easy for us to work. He says when he grows, he will work and support us. That's enough to keep me going again.

Gosh mummy of 2, you must be feeling :love: :love: :love:!!!