Difficult Relationship with Parents

[mummy of 2]

It shows that we have a lot to vent. I guess venting about MIL is common, and sorta accepted but saying bad things about our own mother is totally different. So it's all bottled up

[autumnbronze]

lovekidsverymuch:

autumnbronze:

Lets PURGE all this negativity here :sick: so that we can kind of start afresh and move on ... :grphug:

c how fast the thread has moved till the time u came :celebrate:

I really wanted to start this thread sometime ago ... just didn't know what the response would be lah. Then you all came and support support so there ... :lol:

[autumnbronze]

mummy of 2:

It shows that we have a lot to vent. I guess venting about MIL is common, and sorta accepted but saying bad things about our own mother is totally different. So it's all bottled up

How true, mummy of 2. Hence my hesitation is starting this thread earlier :D, although I have 'vented' here and there in other threads in this forum. We have crossed paths (not meant in the negative sense) I think in some of them.

[sakura_2009]

mummy of 2:

Gosh sakura_2009,what you described could have happened at my mum's place. DS1 (who was about 3) covered his ears to shut out the shouting. Yet they continued shouting at each other.

I told my mum off after that 'shouting' incident and there was peace between my mum and dad for the next 1-2 weeks. But after that, it started all over again during my visits. Even my DS also gave up liao...He simply 'ignore' them and continue watching his TV

In fact he asked me that time why grandma & grandpa always behave like that...I told him sometimes old folks behave like this (errr...dunno how to explain to him otherwise), and he just said he hoped me & daddy don't behave like that when we grow old

[mummy of 2]

I tried asking them to stop when I saw how scared Ds1 was. But they could not hear me due to their own shouting. DH had to shout louder than them to get them to stop :!:


I told them I do not want my kids to be exposed to such situation, and am prepared to stop visiting them if this persist. It still happens but thankfully very rare. I also make it a point not to go too early - just in tme for dinner. After dinner she will disappear to the kitchen instead of spending time with me, my sis and our children. By the time she appears in the living room, we are almost ready to leave.

[sakura_2009]

lovekidsverymuch:

sakura_2009:

he just said he hoped me & daddy don't behave like that when we grow old

thats the whole thing dear... wat ever we might think bout our parents or IL's our kids shouldnt think bad bout them or for us though it is difficult but then its not good to spoil the kids mind with all this negativity.........

You're absolutely right! Its a lucky thing DS seemed to understand that not everyone (or the elderly) behave like that...When we're at home, me & DH :love: more than we argue, so there ...

[mummy of 2]

lovekidsverymuch:

mummy of 2:

By the time she appears in the living room, we are almost ready to leave.

But then wats the point of calling u ppl at her home if she dont wanna talk to u ppl :?

I have no idea too. Considering that we only visit fortnightly, you would think she wants to spend more time with us...well, not her :shock:

[sakura_2009]

mummy of 2:

I tried asking them to stop when I saw how scared Ds1 was. But they could not hear me due to their own shouting. DH had to shout louder than them to get them to stop :!:


I told them I do not want my kids to be exposed to such situation, and am prepared to stop visiting them if this persist. It still happens but thankfully very rare. I also make it a point not to go too early - just in tme for dinner. After dinner she will disappear to the kitchen instead of spending time with me, my sis and our children. By the time she appears in the living room, we are almost ready to leave.

I think I understand exactly how you feel - I'm in a very similar situation :roll: Visiting them now has merely been reduced to an obligation on the part of the children to their parents, there's that. However, instead of going to the kitchen, she will start rattling off - from complaining about my dad, to my other siblings and even my neighbours! (really not sure what they have done to incur her wrath). So each time after meal, we will sit in the living room feeling really uncomfortable coz we know what's coming next...so to avoid it, we will give some excuse to say we're busy and take our leave. I somehow felt guilty coz we only visit them like once a wk or sometimes once every 2 wks and yet we seem to be there only for a meal

[autumnbronze]

Haiz, she will complain if we miss our visit. Then when we come over, aft the preliminary hellos and hugs, she will then either gossip with me or continue watching tv.


And if we ask her to come on down and visit her grandson, she will say that her knees are troubling her. But she meets up with her frds at least 3 times a week. Well, whatever that makes her happy …

Although DS is 2 and a half, he is able to discern the differences in behaviour bet his two grandmas. My MIL will drop everything and attend to him. If she can’t, she will give strict instructions to my FIL to do so.

Sometimes I think maybe its because DS is IL’s first grandchild. For my mom, its her 9th …

But then again, she was like that to all her grandkids and kids. I think she is not that maternal a person, and I do believe that it has something to do with the era and family background that she grew up in/comes from.

I shd state here that my mom lives alone (she chooses to) and that my dad has passed on … in case any of you are wondering.

[mummy of 2]

lovekidsverymuch:

mummy of 2:

I have no idea too. Considering that we only visit fortnightly, you would think she wants to spend more time with us...well, not her :shock:

Not even with the kids leh?? :?

No, not even with the kids. Sometimes she still ask me their age, to confirm.