All About Autism

[tyeogh]

Autumnleaf,

Did you get a headache after completing your questionaire? For me, the psychologist quizzed me on every question and filled it in herself. 70+ questions over 2 hours!!

I came out groggy. :frustrated:

[Autumnleaf]

Tyeogh, I filled it out myself while the dr was conducting the WIAAT with my son. It wasn’t too bad but coz some of the behaviors listed were interpreted differently ERC which after she explained and changed I understood. But there were a couple that she changed based on her clinical observation that I feel a bit unsure coz its like dismissing our day to day observation.

Well that’s was for the Asperger Sydrome Diagnostic Scale. For the Behaivioral Inteventory executive function (BRIEF) form, I had to pass one to my DS form teacher, fill one my self and my DS filled out too…

It sounds crazy and foolish, but I hope something is picked up. Just so tired of being worked up over my DS compulsive behavior and caning him almost every other day till his back side tough like leather liao!
Feel bad and worried for him, also wish to understand him more.

[tyeogh]

The result is just a stack of papers, mostly unintelligible bec it is too deep....for me. Maybe you will understand it better and hopefully pick something up.


I endorse caning and cane my son too. However, I will do it at a time he understands. Else there is nothing to learn. When younger, he didn't even understand pain so it was pointless. Compulsive behavior is iffy to me. :scratchhead:

Now, he understands so I whack really hard. Full man strength. Sometimes lots of cane marks. Hands and legs only. I haven't heard of anyone who died from caning. All my NT kids were caned. Today, they are prefects and win Edusave Character awards, a coveted prize only 2% of each cohort get.

[Niu2009]

I don 'to believe caning, either NT or special kids. Especially for our kids, we don’t understand their mind. For me, always tell myself my baby has difficulty to tell us why he did that, but I must try my best to help him, no matter how hard it is.

[sharonkhoo]

Autumnleaf:

It sounds crazy and foolish, but I hope something is picked up. Just so tired of being worked up over my DS compulsive behavior and caning him almost every other day till his back side tough like leather liao!

Feel bad and worried for him, also wish to understand him more.

I have an Aspie daughter (now 18yo), and I know what you are going through now. Yes, it's good to know that you aren't imagining things, but getting a report doesn't change anything. You still have to deal with the day to day stuff, and it actually increases the parents' \"work\" because you can't just blame it on disobedience.

One thing that really helped me was to see things from their eyes too. Try googling for information (there's a lot online) or reading books. There's much more info there than there will be in any report, and the psychologist can't spend that much time explaining things to you either. If you can do that, then it's easier to think of ways to remediate, and even when you get fed up, you know it's not defiance or disobedience.

What sort of compulsive behaviours does your son show? It may be more effective to find ways to distract, limit or teach alternative (more acceptable) behaviours rather than caning. Caning just shows your disapproval, but doesn't necessarily teach him to behave in another way.

[pinkamoon]

Like tyeogh, I started to cane my son when he was 1. He was in his own world and only through pain could he understand what could or could not be done.

As he grew and started to understand the world around him, caning does not seem to be useful in bringing out of his world. Once in a while when I pinch his cheek when he is really naughty, he will ask me why I have to hit him. It also gives him the wrong signal that it is okay for him to hit other children when they are naughty. I also worry that he will think that it is acceptable if other adults hit him.
The truth is only with love and patience can we bring out their true self. Since I was a child, I was hit by my mum who also has 4 children.Yes, we learn to be good and we are filial to them now but as a child, I always hoped to be born in another family.

[Autumnleaf]

Guess for me and Hb we dun wish to cane so often… But we strongly believe if the child is defiant or disobedient, then must cane and also explain to them why mitigate such discipline. We remind our children that its because we love them that we bother to correct.


But problem is I find my ds1 is compulsive in such ways; he’d take apart pens and mechanical pens after I have talked to him abt how he is wasting money when he breaks these perfectly good stationery. Such instances can repeat months at a go, despite talking, explaining, chances, caning… This is only one example. More recently, he’s doing hw then while I nurse baby in the room and told DS to finish his work…but once I came out, DS was playing despite not finishing his school hw while his 6 yr old sister is able to carry out her task and finish her k2 hw before playing. That day DS was reprimanded and caned, but the very next day it happens again. So he is a kid who gets caned quite a lot… Though I wish not to I dont know how else to correct him as we have tried incentives, talking, encouraging even giving chances but often he the whole cycle repeats.

[sharonkhoo]

Autumnleaf:

But problem is I find my ds1 is compulsive in such ways; he'd take apart pens and mechanical pens after I have talked to him abt how he is wasting money when he breaks these perfectly good stationery. Such instances can repeat months at a go, despite talking, explaining, chances, caning... This is only one example. More recently, he's doing hw then while I nurse baby in the room and told DS to finish his work...but once I came out, DS was playing despite not finishing his school hw while his 6 yr old sister is able to carry out her task and finish her k2 hw before playing. That day DS was reprimanded and caned, but the very next day it happens again. So he is a kid who gets caned quite a lot.... Though I wish not to I dont know how else to correct him as we have tried incentives, talking, encouraging even giving chances but often he the whole cycle repeats.

For the taking things apart - can you find him mechanical toys/activity sets which are for taking apart and putting together? Or old stuff (clocks, electronic gadgets etc) that he can take apart, and then tell him to leave the good stuff alone? It is wasteful if he breaks good stuff, but the skills he is learning will come in useful in later life. Sounds like he may make a good engineer!

About the homework - my older girl was exactly like that. For some kids, it takes them more effort to manage time, pay attention etc, and you may need to accept that he needs much more training before he can work without supervision. My older girl had to be accompanied to do her work through P1 on a daily basis until she managed to build up the habit of doing it step by step and not being too easily distracted. If your kid is Aspie like mine, how I read it is that parental disapproval/anger doesn't make that much impact as they don't really care about pleasing you. They are scared when you scold, but they forget quickly. And because my daughter (and probably your son too) has difficulty with \"executive function\", it just takes more effort to teach them discipline and planning than NT kids. It's hard on you with 3 kids, but if you can find a way to supervise him and teach him how to manage his time, it will help. I actually had a student to come daily to do homework with my daughter for 1 semester! Giving him a quiet place to work without distractions from siblings, no toys etc in sight, frequent short breaks, may help too. Hope this helps.

[fluttershy]

I'm one of those mummies who doesn't agree with caning simply because I couldn't bring myself to


when my son was diagnosed with 'suspected asd' for the first time by the psychologist, i asked her whether i should cane/beat to make him comply because anything i said, he seemed 'deaf' & simply ZERO compliance (I was lost as what to do with him, nobody in my family or extended family has a special need kid). the psychologist told me that she doesn't condone beating/caning simply because \"you can't hit a person for wearing spectacles because he/she is near/far sighted.\"

the last sentence she said is the reason i refrain myself even until this day not to hit/beat him when he's having tantrum. thank God, now after 10 months (and almost $80k poorer :censored: ) of intensive ABA 25 hours a week, his compliance is there. He's responding to his name, understood simple instructions & whenever he doesn't comply I will voice out a stern negative tone voice and it gets to him. He understood I wasn't happy with whatever he's doing.

It's been 13 months & still long long long way journey ahead of us, but the 3 things I need to learn coping with kid with asd is patience, patience & patience. Easier said than done though :oops:

[Autumnleaf]

Agree definitely need a lot of patience. Guess because my son hadn’t been diagnosed yet so intend to see it as him being disobedient… But then there’s that small voice in me that wonders is it due to Adhd or ASD… Or some condition that caused him to require so much more supervision, guidance and correction then other kids? On the whole he i know he is compliant, as in he will do what is requested of him… But to stay on task independently, even at almost 10 yrs old is really difficult. Or to stop his compulsions to act before thinking is challenging. I do wonder if we didn’t cane, would he be any worse and often question am

I doing things right…

More damaging are the things I have said out of anger. It’s even worse then the caning…
I tear each time I think of it…