All About Parenting Teenagers
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parents need to communicate with teenager
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Your son is growing up and become more aware of his self image. Hence he thinks that those external items that he carry will give him the confidence and the popularity among his friends. Could be the influence of his friends but never assume this. Communicate to find out more.
Yes you are right, you cannot stop him from going out with his friends. Teenager values friends a lot. And friends are considering their most important asset. Recognition from his friends is more important than family at this stage of his life. However, you can understand more like who he goes out with and what they like to do during their hang out. Be interested in his life.
In order to get what he wants, he will make many promises. He might or might not be able to fulfill but by promising you, he gets what he wants before he shows result. He thinks that having all these are more important and end up stealing to get what he wants. And teenagers know how to manipulate parents in exchange for what they want.
Now is the time to understand why and what is causing him to be interested in getting the branded goods and so on. Teaching him values at this time is what you can do. Teaching him about character and other areas at the same time. Be firm about expectations which you set with him. If you find that he is really stealing from you, you need to instill discipline even when he denies it. As long as you have prove and be firm in the way to do things right is a way of loving him. This will help him in the future to make the right choices knowing the consequences.
Academic is one area which they try to brush through as long as they think they are doing not too badly as this is not their focus at this point in life when they got so involve in our areas such as his comics. He tells you not to interfere because he is already addicted and do not want you to stop him from doing what he likes.
At his age, he wants to be in control of his life. Acting like an adult, thinking he can juggle all areas without suffering another. However, that's not the case. We know it will not work if the balance is out. If this goes on and affected his results significantly, you would have to set boundaries with him depending how much you want to take from him. Of course, you need to communicate what is your expectation of maintain his results or even getting better ones. Do not be afraid to confront him even at the expenses of getting retaliation because your son might not know what's best for him.
As a parent, understanding your child is the first thing then you would know how to teach them as they grow.
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Kids in their teens hard to communicate especially when they are in secondary 1 & 2, have their own circle of friends and spend less time with family. They value friendship more at this age. We, parents need to understand and be more patience.
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BayMax_dad:
Kids in their teens hard to communicate especially when they are in secondary 1 & 2, have their own circle of friends and spend less time with family. They value friendship more at this age. We, parents need to understand and be more patience.
Nods and agree! But dont stop communicating with them. Hear out for their views. They still do look up to parents and learn from parent's habits and values. Setting good example to them plays a big part too. Continue to love them even at times whereby they are rebelling. They want to be accepted for who they are.
However when they are getting out of hand and pick up bad habits and fool language, parents would have to correct them and discipline accordingly. -
HOW YOU CAN HELP YOUR CHILDREN TO ACHIEVE ACADEMIC SUCCESS IN 4 PRACTICAL STEPS
#01: CREATE A ROUTINE
Parents have to understand that they need not be the teachers and solutions to the child’s academic questions, they should be focusing on playing the role of a FACILITATOR. “Kids benefit from having structure in their home life,” says Michael Popkin, PhD, author of Helping Your Child Succeed in School and founder of Active Parenting Publishers. Draw up and establish a routine for your child early in the schooling life to reap maximum benefits. The routine serves as a guide for the child to live a systematic and productive childhood. Do monitor and enforce it closely when it Is at the initial phase, and if necessary, provide some gifts and rewards as motivation to get your child interested. Following a routine is also beneficial for the child in the long term as the importance of routine will be instilled in them as they will be better able to make their own plans and schedule as they get older.
WHAT YOU CAN DO NOW
Sit down with your children and work out a routine that compliments his current school timetable. Ensure that your children do have a say in the final outcome of this set of routine as this will instill a sense of accountability to them.
BONUS
Use IT Tools. Google Calendar is highly recommended for coming out with a family schedule. Key dates such as project deadlines/exam dates/family outing can be updated so that everyone in the household will be aware of it and make the necessary arrangements.
#02: USE THE RIGHT WORDS
Parents often speak to school-going children in an instructional and commanding voice. They have forgotten how they used to speak to the young ones so tenderly when they were only in pre- school. Once they step into formal schooling, parents speak to them like drill instructors with the expectations that they have to follow word for word. According to study, most children who are underperforming or underachieving in school experience low self- esteem and neglect. Put focus on effort rather than grades, “If they get a report card and they’ve got A’s and B’s and also one C, don’t just jump in on the C. Start with a focus on what they did well. Then talk about how they feel about the C and whether that represents good effort for them or if they need to work on it.”
WHAT YOU CAN DO NOW
Examine your tone and attempt to speak with more patience and gentleness. Speak affirmation instead of accusations. They will respond more eagerly and will be more opened to share their struggles and joy with you.
BONUS
Let the kids overhear you praising them to others. See the positive aspects of your children and be proud of it, share it with people and the child’s self-esteem and self-confidence will be raised significantly.
#03: Create a suitable environment for your child
Provide your child with a proper and conducive study area that promotes learning. Ensure that this is a consistent designated study corner for your child. Most importantly, this area has to be significantly away from all possible distractions. We all know how TV and computers can be a huge competitor for your child’s attention, hence we really have to limit these activities to the minimum, at least on school nights. Try not to tempt your children by watching TV when they are doing their work.(Because as adults are facing a really tough battle with this temptation, don’t expect the kids to win this battle)
WHAT YOU CAN DO NOW
Sit down with your child and list out all the possible distractions. Then, zone out the study corner in the house that would best fit the distraction-free criteria.
BONUS
Entertainment-only coupons. Each week, give out 5x1hour Entertainment-only coupons to your child which can be redeemed for TV/computer/leisure purposes. More coupons can be given to them as reward for their effort. Any coupons remaining at the end of the week can be cashed in for $2.
#04: Tripartite relationship is the KEY
This tripartite relationship involving Students, Parents and Teachers can only be well maintained if every stakeholder puts in an appropriate amount effort to do their part. For parents, do take the time and effort to communicate with the teachers, make the teachers your best ally. Work closely with them and hear from them the side of your child you may not see. Furthermore, tap on their expertise and seek feedback from them on how you can truly help your child specifically in the academic aspect.
WHAT YOU CAN DO NOW
Build a healthy relationship with teachers. You can start by writing a formal letter to thank them for their guidance and effort to nurture your child, after which ask them for their opinions and suggestions on how to improve on the current situation.
BONUS
Do give due praises to the teachers and form a strong relationship with them. They will be more inclined to go the extra mile to help you out as they see their efforts are being appreciated and affirmed. Take the effort to attend Parents Teachers Meeting and have a good discussion session with the teachers. -
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=tyReGYTqoDY
I dunno how to upload YouTube....but something I chanced upon this morning. I confess not knowing what my kid actually likes too. I had made quite many assumptions and recent conversations with him surprised me. So nowadays when he asked for my opinion on certain decisions making, I am worried that I give suggestions based on my own judgement which sometimes good as parent experiences count, but sometimes not good as he is a diff individual. -
jedamum:
All of us are coloured by our own background and experience to some extent. I think what's important is realising that, and being able to listen to the other party's point of view and try to understand it, even if you don't necessarily agree. When talking to our kids, we will tell them what we think, but also ask them for their opinions, and we will discuss the issues etc. But in the end we mostly leave them to make up their own minds. We do retain veto rights in case they decide on something really catastrophic and irreversible, but we try not to interfere most of the time. Often, our views will have some impact even if they don't follow them exactly. If we also don't have much knowledge, then we may ask around and do some research before giving an opinion.https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=tyReGYTqoDY
I dunno how to upload YouTube....but something I chanced upon this morning. I confess not knowing what my kid actually likes too. I had made quite many assumptions and recent conversations with him surprised me. So nowadays when he asked for my opinion on certain decisions making, I am worried that I give suggestions based on my own judgement which sometimes good as parent experiences count, but sometimes not good as he is a diff individual. -
Hi, I’m a mother of 3 kids and my eldest son is now 15. What I would suggest is to show the child the benefits of education. Show him how to be independent. Bringing up a teenager is not an easy task. Do not repeatedly nag at them. Instead, encourage and have talks with him. Most importantly be patient and give him time to learn and not over-pressurize and demand too much out of them.
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I hate my parents nagging at me. I prefer she tells me in advance what she wanted me to do and give me a reason. Not last min and starts nagging about it when I don get to it immediately. I like my parents to treat me like an adult and listen to my opinions, not making decision on my behalf
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Thanks for sharing. Really a great insight to me.
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