Difficult Relationship with Parents

[autumnbronze]

mummy of 2:

The silver lining is that I'm very aware of the kind of family environment and relationship I do not want for my kids. That motivates me to do things differently from my mother. I do not want to make the same mistakes as her.

Nicely put, mummy of 2

You have summed up what I also believe in.

[on_plus_kiasu]

I'm really glad that I found this thread at this point of moment becoz I want to :rant: about my mum.

She said \" I prayed that you won't get into your degree course because DD2 is too young for you to pursue a degree. Wait one more year!\"
:!: :!: :!:
I was having lunch with her and sis.
:x :x :x :x
Sis :oops: ducked her head and continued eating.
No wonder she asked me out for lunch.

I gave up my degree coz I got pregnant with DD1 and then one year later DD2. DH said okay for me to try again. Now waiting for reply, my mum said like that... :stupid:

In the 1st place, she insisted I get married before I go uni. Then all this, :x :x :x :x :x :x

Always want to control my life.... DH got angry with her during my confinement period with DD2. He didn't hear her calling him, she immediately started ranting and raving saying we don't respect her and started calling DH names. Wah, that period very stress man. Lucky, i didn't go :siao:

Lucky, no thread about MIL, if not I will be there all the time also...
DH also agree our family problems are never about our family. ALways about our parents....

[corneyAmber]

on_plus_kiasu:

Lucky, no thread about MIL, if not I will be there all the time also...

DH also agree our family problems are never about our family. ALways about our parents....

but there is a thread about MILs! It's hundreds of pages long, so you know what that means?

http://www.kiasuparents.com/kiasu/forum/viewtopic.php?t=2075

[sakura_2009]

on_plus_kiasu:

I'm really glad that I found this thread at this point of moment becoz I want to :rant: about my mum.

She said \" I prayed that you won't get into your degree course because DD2 is too young for you to pursue a degree. Wait one more year!\"
:!: :!: :!:
I was having lunch with her and sis.
:x :x :x :x
Sis :oops: ducked her head and continued eating.
No wonder she asked me out for lunch.

I gave up my degree coz I got pregnant with DD1 and then one year later DD2. DH said okay for me to try again. Now waiting for reply, my mum said like that... :stupid:

In the 1st place, she insisted I get married before I go uni. Then all this, :x :x :x :x :x :x

Always want to control my life.... DH got angry with her during my confinement period with DD2. He didn't hear her calling him, she immediately started ranting and raving saying we don't respect her and started calling DH names. Wah, that period very stress man. Lucky, i didn't go :siao:

Lucky, no thread about MIL, if not I will be there all the time also...
DH also agree our family problems are never about our family. ALways about our parents....

Since you have the full support of DH to go for your uni, just go ahead. You are already married and have a family of your own. What you decide and do should be between DH and yourself, not your mum (unless it affects her directly). Those are just my thoughts, coz this is exactly what I do and when my mum try to 'control my life', which she always used to do b4 I got married, I just told her I will decide what I want to do with DH, its not up to her to decide for me

[buds]

autumnbronze:

mummy of 2:

The silver lining is that I'm very aware of the kind of family environment and relationship I do not want for my kids. That motivates me to do things differently from my mother. I do not want to make the same mistakes as her.

Nicely put, mummy of 2

You have summed up what I also believe in.

Me three.. same same. :grphug:

At least i hope so..

Ya know how people say the more you say her, the less
you realize you're becoming like her? That's scary.. I'm
a daddie's girl thru and thru.. and used to have a cold
relationship with her until i started working overseas..
:lol: hahaa.. lost sparring partner. Then followed by
the time i got married.. once again.. no one to
scream at. :lol: My bros told me to come back
arh, jie! :please:

But i didn't turn out too bad somehow... since her vivid
nagging screams are fresh in my mind till today ...
and mostly i realized tt she does actually mean well nia...
no malice intended... ermm... :idea: ... some harm done
to my psyche but hey still kickin' good and alive anyhow.

Thanks mum, for your brutal wake up calls! :lol:
It has helped me more than you know..

:snuggles:

[MMM]

I am the only child and have a close relationship with my mum even up till now. I only recalled that she cane me once. It was not very hard but I recall telling that "do you know that it hurts". It was for show I suppose.


My parents didn’t have much expectations of me but have always been supportive of whatever I do. I recall that I had a "good for nothing" 1st boyfriend, followed by a boyfriend 12 years my senior. Though not ideal, they have never objected to our relationship. Fortunately for them? my hubby is different from the 1st 2 boyfriends.

But frankly, I wished that my parents could have been more stern or demanding. As that probably created some "directions" and I could have strive to do better in school when I was younger and not wait till Sec 3 to kai qiao,etc…

As a mum now, I don’t want to be like my mum though yes she treated me well. I set expectations for my kids and try to "push them" to do better. I feel that it is in the spirit of challenging oneself to do better in whatever you do and not be complacent. Also, I do express my disappointment and I am frank with what I think. But I will praise them and give them credit when it’s due. I maybe wrong but I feel that our generation being more educated should be better position to provide better guidance for our kids?

[autumnbronze]

buds:

Me three.. same same. :grphug:


and used to have a cold
relationship with her until i started working overseas..

But i didn't turn out too bad somehow... some harm done
to my psyche but hey still kickin' good and alive anyhow.

Thanks mum, for your brutal wake up calls! :lol:
It has helped me more than you know..

:snuggles:

So I suppose we can say that we turned out not too bad despite the 'tough love' we were subjected to? We are fortunate. I have seen and known of gals who went wayward or suffered from extreme esteem problems because of this. I know of two who were in an abusive r/s - mentally/verbally/emotionally abused.

I consider myself fortunate. I took solace in friendships. But they (my friends) were experimenting (teenage yrs) and I am glad I never fell into the trap.

So yes, to a large xtend, my parents' conservatism and stictness kinda held me trodding on the right path. In fact, I was the 'auntie' in the grp. I would be the person they would turn to when they had probs, the first whom they will explicitly describe how their first time was etc ....

[buds]

Once again... same here sista... same here. :celebrate:


Experimenting kinda friends oso same leh.. a lot in fact.. :lol:
Voluntary offerings of experiment details from frenz oso same..
Overshare in fact sometimes.. Hee.. but it's rude to interrupt
when someone is sharing.. :lol:

The shoulders many cry on..

Conservative parents.. wow same. But that touch of honest to
goodness reality sunk in deep down inside me. Sometimes i wonder
if i'm too liberal with my girls for their own good? :scared: I shudder
all of a sudden at one creepy thought..

Wow.. a coincidence too many? Not just us.. our kiddies too.
ie. your DS and my DD2.. :lol: The (why) Y-generation.

[on_plus_kiasu]

[quote]Since you have the full support of DH to go for your uni, just go ahead. You are already married and have a family of your own. What you decide and do should be between DH and yourself, not your mum (unless it affects her directly). Those are just my thoughts, coz this is exactly what I do and when my mum try to 'control my life', which she always used to do b4 I got married, I just told her I will decide what I want to do with DH, its not up to her to decide for me [/quote]
Hehehe, totally agree. DH kept telling me to stop telling my mum about my plans but I kuai daughter mah! Everything also tell, thought she would support me. :slapshead: Still haven't learnt my lesson.. :clubmyself: Though she knows she has no more power sometimes she still manages to trick me into doing something I don't like... Mums have tremendous guilt power... Can really make you feel guilty with a look or a word...
[quote]As a mum now, I don't want to be like my mum though yes she treated me well. I set expectations for my kids and try to \"push them\" to do better. I feel that it is in the spirit of challenging oneself to do better in whatever you do and not be complacent. Also, I do express my disappointment and I am frank with what I think. But I will praise them and give them credit when it's due. I maybe wrong but I feel that our generation being more educated should be better position to provide better guidance for our kids?[/quote]Totally agree!!! :ugogirl:

[on_plus_kiasu]

Sorry peeps, I need to :rant: !


My mother has done it again! We are letting our maid go next month. My maid and I are parting on good terms and quietly preparing for her flight next month. My DDs are going to CC because I don't want another maid. My mother has CLEARLY shown her displeasure but is unable to persuade me and DH otherwise. Both DH and me been ignoring her offers because she was the reason I got a maid in the 1st place :x . She said she couldn't take care of DD1 then, 3 weeks before my maternity leave ended, hence the maid. So cannot trust her offers, so just ignore.
She has been checking and arranging the maid's belongings (Good also lah, i don't need to check) but all my foodstuff also she put inside. My maid leaving and deposit for CC is costing me a BOMB!
The worst thing she said to me and DH was \"You all like so confident can cope without maid! Don't be arrogant! You don't know what's going to happen after themaid leaves\" and she told DH \" Good also the maid go, you can BE A FATHER\" :!: :!: :!: :x :x :x :x

Had to keep calming my DH down, don't want him to argue with her. We still need her to help fetch DDs from CC, 2 days a week. My mum didn't use to be like this. Menopause changed her alot... I miss my mummy!