Difficult Relationship with Parents

[mummy of 2]

Funz:

It is heartening though to read that most of you understand that it is not that they do not love their children but they have their limitations.

Being able to understand it does not erase the hurt but it does help us to move forward and not dwell too much on the unhappy past. The silver lining is that I'm very aware of the kind of family environment and relationship I do not want for my kids. That motivates me to do things differently from my mother. I do not want to make the same mistakes as her.

She may not equiped to provide a conducive environment for us to grow up in, but i have no excuse. She is not educated and does not know any better. I'm not!

[schweppes]

Guess we all have our family secrets and little \"skeletons in closet\". This is a sensitive topic and whatever hurts and emotional baggage we have from our past, guess it is important not to do the same on our children as they are our future.


I think for most of us, we have a \"love-hate\" relationship with our parents. I don't mean \"hate\" as in a malicious or vindictive sense, but \"hate\" as in the hurt and disappointments which have made us sad and frustrated.

So, all I can express is this...

most times, I feel :love: :love: :hugs: because I am grateful and appreciative for what they have given and done for me.

But there are other times, I feel so :roll: :x :stupid: :rant: :frustrated:

Can't win them all. They are still my parents and I love them dearly.

[schweppes]

mummy of 2:

Being able to understand it does not erase the hurt but it does help us to move forward and not dwell too much on the unhappy past. The silver lining is that I'm very aware of the kind of family environment and relationship I do not want for my kids. That motivates me to do things differently from my mother. I do not want to make the same mistakes as her.

:goodpost:

[sakura_2009]

mummy of 2:

Funz:

It is heartening though to read that most of you understand that it is not that they do not love their children but they have their limitations.

Being able to understand it does not erase the hurt but it does help us to move forward and not dwell too much on the unhappy past. The silver lining is that I'm very aware of the kind of family environment and relationship I do not want for my kids. That motivates me to do things differently from my mother. I do not want to make the same mistakes as her.

She may not equiped to provide a conducive environment for us to grow up in, but i have no excuse. She is not educated and does not know any better. I'm not!

TOTALLY AGREE :celebrate:

[toddles]

autumnbronze:

Blobbi:

Wow. I hate to pour my feelings out. But I'm in the same camp with you you two, mummy of 2 and autumnbronze. Can't make myself say more but it's been bad ...

To be honest Blobbi,

I am surprised (and I can't use the word pleasantly, cuz I know its not appropriate, but I do believe you know what I mean really) at the response to this thread.

This issue, I feel, is kind of taboo ... I mean who likes to talk abt their family right?? But hey, if it makes us feel better and lighter, then why not ...

And anyway, its a platform for us to share and learn and inspire and encourage us to move forward as well ......

Who knew the few of us would have had/are having similar experiences with regards to our r/s with our mom/family - its uncanny

Actually, I think it's not uncommon... i think I saw library books about this before, about daughters who have difficult relationships with mothers who are manipulative, insecure etc etc... but those were written from a more ang-moh point of view.

It's just that people seldom talk about it, even more so in the asian context.

I think there are actually quite a lot of western children (UK, US) who don't get along with their parents, so just as well that in their culture at the age of 18 they are not expected to stay at home anymore.

Guess like what everyone has said, the impt thing is not to let this make us bitter, but to work hard at not repeating their mistakes.

[toddles]

mummy of 2:

She may not equiped to provide a conducive environment for us to grow up in, but i have no excuse. She is not educated and does not know any better. I'm not!

The strange thing abt my mum is that she's educated. English - Ed till sec 4 which was quite good already in those days. She had to stop studying to work to support her siblings (and she is not shy at reminding the younger ones abt that at any opportunity).

I would say she did provide a conducive environment for me to grow in, but due to insecurity and maybe cos she became very insular from being sahm, these days we just can't see eye to eye, and she likes to accuse everyone of things they didn't do. Her distrust and suspicion really gets to me.

[mummyjoyce]

There should be another option to vote : NONE of the above.

[autumnbronze]

mummy of 2:

The silver lining is that I'm very aware of the kind of family environment and relationship I do not want for my kids. That motivates me to do things differently from my mother. I do not want to make the same mistakes as her.

Nicely put, mummy of 2

You have summed up what I also believe in.

[on_plus_kiasu]

I'm really glad that I found this thread at this point of moment becoz I want to :rant: about my mum.

She said \" I prayed that you won't get into your degree course because DD2 is too young for you to pursue a degree. Wait one more year!\"
:!: :!: :!:
I was having lunch with her and sis.
:x :x :x :x
Sis :oops: ducked her head and continued eating.
No wonder she asked me out for lunch.

I gave up my degree coz I got pregnant with DD1 and then one year later DD2. DH said okay for me to try again. Now waiting for reply, my mum said like that... :stupid:

In the 1st place, she insisted I get married before I go uni. Then all this, :x :x :x :x :x :x

Always want to control my life.... DH got angry with her during my confinement period with DD2. He didn't hear her calling him, she immediately started ranting and raving saying we don't respect her and started calling DH names. Wah, that period very stress man. Lucky, i didn't go :siao:

Lucky, no thread about MIL, if not I will be there all the time also...
DH also agree our family problems are never about our family. ALways about our parents....

[corneyAmber]

on_plus_kiasu:

Lucky, no thread about MIL, if not I will be there all the time also...

DH also agree our family problems are never about our family. ALways about our parents....

but there is a thread about MILs! It's hundreds of pages long, so you know what that means?

http://www.kiasuparents.com/kiasu/forum/viewtopic.php?t=2075