When your child wants this and that...

[MMM]

smurf:

Whenever I bring my 4 year old out, he will keep pestering me to buy this buy that. even go supermarket also ask me to buy this sweets, buy that biscuits, etc. I know he doesn't want them after I bought, but he just cannot stop asking me to buy and I'm going crazy! :x


if I ignore him, he will throw tandrum to gain attention. what can I do? :?:

Maybe 3-4 yrs old are capable of such behaviour. My 3 yr + also does the same thing. She WANTS everything in the mall and she would tell me she don't have this and that and she likes it. I always tell her, that it's not possible for her to buy everything so we are not going to get that for that. Eg. she asked for the talking house few mths back. It cost $200+ but god knows how long the interest will sustain.

What my mum is good at is distracting the child. Eg. she said I want this and that, my mum would say oh I didn't bring enough money let's come back another day.... case close.

[schellen]

MMM:

What my mum is good at is distracting the child. Eg. she said I want this and that, my mum would say oh I didn't bring enough money let's come back another day.... case close.

Then my girl will say, \"Never mind, you can use your card. This card cannot use, can use the other one.\" :roll:

[csc]

I like the way sashimi and schellen handled the situation. Firm and in control. We need to show that ,as parents, we are clearly the ones in charge - so never , never give in to the crying and throwing of tantrums.Children can have the power to "manipulate" their parents, so , parents need to stem their authority firmly.


Our kids learn from young that they will never get anything they desire if they don’t ask for it in the proper manner. Even then, what they want to buy is still subject to our approval.

It’s also helpful to talk to the child first before any shopping activities so that the child knows what is expected and required of him in those situations. If it fails, just pick up the crying child and leave the place immediately.

[mintcc]

smurf:

Whenever I bring my 4 year old out, he will keep pestering me to buy this buy that. even go supermarket also ask me to buy this sweets, buy that biscuits, etc. I know he doesn't want them after I bought, but he just cannot stop asking me to buy and I'm going crazy! :x


if I ignore him, he will throw tandrum to gain attention. what can I do? :?:

okay, this one really have to tough it out. I try to never buy things for my 3 year old when he ask for it....or when I go shopping, he will not get the things he want to buy or help himeself with. Usually I will just tell him (a matter of factly like sashimi says.) no, I am not going to buy it and to put it back.

He throws tantrums on other things thought, like going for those $1 rides in the mall, watch his favourite cartoon. Just just have to be consistently firm for a few times no matter what he does.

I will try to reason first but if the tantrum get worst and we are in a public I will try to remove him as quickly as possible and explain to him why no. e.g. we already have 2 rides, sweets are not good for you, you already have many toys...etc. or then distract him with other things. Usually, if I \"win\" one or two rounds then after that will be bliss. (for a while until he decides to test water again)

Those things that I give in to, like carrying him /watch TV with him -I get stuck doing it all/most of the time (or risk tantrum/tears/begginng )- but then it is some stuff that I kind of enjoy giving in to :lol:

[smurf]

Thanks Sashimi and Schellen!



I think I probably have to re-train him again. One thing about him is that he is extremely SUPER long winded. h can go on and on crying in the mall and refuse to stop UNTIL we response to him. By then, it's already 1 to 2 hrs.

and one thing that annoys me is that, whenever he starts to throw tandrum, he will say he is very hungry. :?

[smurf]

Hi Mincy,


That's what I'v been doing. but it doesn't seems to work on him.

usually a kid will get the idea after few times right? but my boy just doesn't get the idea that no matter how hard he throws tandrum, h will NOT get what he wants.haiz.

[mintcc]

smurf:

Hi Mincy,


That's what I'v been doing. but it doesn't seems to work on him.

usually a kid will get the idea after few times right? but my boy just doesn't get the idea that no matter how hard he throws tandrum, h will NOT get what he wants.haiz.

oh no that is a tough one... does time out works on him? I remember there was a phase where when my boy have behavior problem and we use to put him on time out almost every day. It was pretty bad with him crying away during the time out sessions and refusing to apologize for what he did. but it got better after awhile when he understood what he did was wrong.

[smurf]

have been using that as well, but doesn't seem to work.haiz.very tough.

[sashimi]

OK let me try a different tack.


When a child starts to throw a tantrum, be aware that at this point the part of his mind that listens to reason has been overwhelmed by the emotional machine.

I've read that in a 2-year-old's tantrum, the crying and screaming is actually *BEYOND THe CHILD'S CONSCIOUS CONTROL* - he actually becomes incapable of shutting down the emotional explosion. This is one reason why reasoning with the child is utterly useless.

In such a situation, it has been recommended that the best thing one can do as a parent is to provide emotional support. Calm the child down and let him know you are there for him, that you still love him even when you say no.

So let's say after the initial no, your child begins a long cry, or throws a tantrum.

If trying to shush him does not work, you could try hugging and holding him and just tell him that \"It's ok. It's for your own good.\" What you say is not as important as the tone you use.

If the crying is very serious to the point that he's obviously not hearing you, you may need to catch his attention, squarely in the eye. My DD has a habit of not looking at me when I give orders, so sometimes I have to begin an order with \"Look at me.\" Pause. \"No.\"

Hopefully after you've got your child's attention, you can either enforce the \"No\" one more time, or go straight to consolation. Be your child's friend even when you say \"no\". Never become the enemy. Disperse the negative emotions asap.


There is one other tactic I use - pre-empt the request. If a reasonable time has passed since the last opportunity for a request - before your child asks you for something you tend to reject, get it for her.

In this way, you satisfy the child's craving without her having to request it (from you at an inopportune moment.) If you persist, there's a good chance your child will become retrained NOT to ask for this thing at all. More effective if you satisfy the craving once in a while according to your comfort level.

My DD likes to go the arcade. In the recent past, she would ask us to bring her, every few days. My limit is once a fortnight. She's past tantrums, but she would become very upset if I rejected her request. I stuck to my methodologies above. After a couple of months, I realized that she's forgotten the habit of asking every few days, or even every week. Nowadays she hardly asks any more.

What I would do now is surprise her every now and then, \"Would you like to go to Timezone?\" She would gleefully accept.

Do you see what has happened? Instead of the child asking you (and you rejecting her), it has become YOU asking the child and the child agreeing with you, at your convenience. The extra bonus is that child will love you for it.

I also do this with ice cream as well, and the occasional toy. (But toys are a different ball game altogether...)

[smurf]

this tactic hor, sometime it works for him, sometime it doesn't. if the thing is not really want he wants and all he wants is attention, then hugging him is enough.but if he really wants, for example, ice cream, hugging him and saying no to him will result in screaming leh. :!:


so difficult to understand him. haiz. :?