Kids of pushy parents 'face higher risk of depression': NUS
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mathtuition88:
Needless to say, kids with pushy parents will develop depression and anxiety because they are constantly pushed to do well. Don't need any professor to do any study. Parents will push very hard to reach 100...even 99 won't do.
Excerpt:
Children with pushy parents are at a much higher risk of developing depression or anxiety symptoms, according to a local university study. The findings, according to researchers, are especially relevant to a society like Singapore's, in which there is an emphasis on academic excellence. -
This sad story fits into the thread:
For a while, Jennifer Pan’s parents regarded her as their “golden” child.
The young Canadian woman, who lived in the city of Markham just north of Toronto, was a straight A student at a Catholic school who won scholarships and early acceptance to college. True to her father’s wishes, she graduated from the University of Toronto’s prestigious pharmacology program and went on to work at a blood-testing lab at SickKids hospital.
Pan’s accomplishments used to make her mother and father, Bich Ha and Huei Hann Pan, brim with pride. After all, they had arrived in Toronto as refugees from Vietnam, working as laborers for an auto parts manufacturer so their two kids could have the bright future that they couldn’t attain for themselves.
But in Pan’s case, that perfect fate was all an elaborate lie. She failed to graduate from high school, let alone the University of Toronto, as she had told her parents. Her trial, for plotting with hit men to kill her parents, ended in January, and she’s serving a long sentence. But the full story of this troubled young woman is just now being told as a complete and powerful narrative by someone who knew her — and indeed, it’s searing.
Continue reading from:
https://www.washingtonpost.com/news/mor ... -children/ -
I read the entire story of Jennifer Pan and her life controlled by her parents. It is really very sad. Could her father have pushed her too much?
The whole Pan family has broken down. -
janet88:
perhaps the many years of accumulation of stress from high parents' expectation had built up in Jennifer, slowly over a prolong period of time, caused her to breakdownI read the entire story of Jennifer Pan and her life controlled by her parents. It is really very sad. Could her father have pushed her too much?
The whole Pan family has broken down.
Back in our own Sg context, many Secondary school students are reported going to Institute of Mental health, due to stress related issue. -
More details on Jennifer's case with quality comments.
Good read for a lazy Sunday afternoon of real life trauma of how love can become harm at times:
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Bich Ha and Huei Hann Pan were classic examples of the Canadian immigrant success story. Hann was raised and educated in Vietnam and moved to Canada as a political refugee in 1979. Bich (pronounced “Bick”) came separately, also a refugee. They married in Toronto and lived in Scarborough. They had two kids, Jennifer, in 1986, and Felix, three years later, and found jobs at the Aurora-based auto parts manufacturer Magna International, Hann as a tool and die maker and Bich making car parts. They lived frugally. By 2004, Bich and Hann had saved enough to buy a large home with a two-car garage on a quiet residential street in Markham. He drove a Mercedes-Benz and she a Lexus ES 300, and they accumulated $200,000 in the bank.
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The more I learned about Jennifer’s strict upbringing, the more I could relate to her. I grew up with immigrant parents who also came to Canada from Asia (in their case Hong Kong) with almost nothing, and a father who demanded a lot from me. My dad expected me to be at the top of my class, especially in math and science, to always be obedient, and to be exemplary in every other way. He wanted a child who was like a trophy—something he could brag about. I suspected the achievements of his siblings and their children made him feel insecure, and he wanted my accomplishments to match theirs. I felt like a hamster on a wheel, sprinting to meet some sort of expectation, solely determined by him, that was always just out of reach. Hugs were a rarity in my house, and birthday parties and gifts from Santa ceased around age 9. I was talented at math and figure skating, though my father almost never complimented me, even when I excelled. He played down my educational achievements, just like his parents had done with him—the prevailing theory in our culture being that flattery spoils ambition.
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Full article from:
http://torontolife.com/city/crime/jennifer-pan-revenge/ -
There are many 怪兽父母 now.
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I find that the person’s inborn character is important too…
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maybe these are the more extreme cases?
need strike a delicate balance lah.
If don’t nurture at all, might undermine child’s potential achievement
a child who can’t catch up with peers might have low self-esteem too.
so bottom line is still strike a balance -
I think "pushing" by parents works well only up to primary or at most lower secondary level. Primary school students have not developed the self-discipline to do self-study, so some pushing to do homework or revision is to be expected, otherwise possibly no work will be done.
Once a child is an adolescent, he or she begins to have a mind of his own. Any more "pushing" when the child is not motivated is like forcing a person who is not hungry to eat more, it is no longer meaningful.
From secondary level onwards, more important is the self-motivation and inner drive of the child himself/herself. If a child has self-motivation and drive, little to no pushing is needed. E.g. self-motivated children may request for tuition themselves, or even extra homework or practice. (sounds unbelievable but I have encountered such excellent students.)
If by late teen years the child has still zero self-motivation to study, nor the drive and hunger to succeed, pushing is unlikely to work well, and may even backfire. Most likely not as serious as Jennifer Pan though, which is admittedly an extreme case. But as the NUS research shows, depression and anxiety is a possible result, which ironically may cause the academic results to further drop as the result of the pushing. Even if pushing works at this stage (on the surface), it is likely to lead to impaired self-esteem, loss of joy of learning, fear of failure and other unpleasant effects.
Like what sleepy said, a delicate balance must be struck indeed. On the whole, more encouragement and moral support is needed, rather than pushing.
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