In-law problems?
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csc:
Actually, our conviction is that a couple should live on their own once they are married - guess it will minimise lots of conflicts - but my husband is the only son among his sisters and mil is a widow - so we have, but to live under one roof. It turns out to be a blessing indeed.She helps out with the housework and cooking. In fact, she is the chief chef .. gladly hand over the kitchen territory for her to take charge la...
That was MY conviction too..
Alas didn't have a choice.
And just like how i wud like to take
care of my own parents shud the need
arise, i wanted to do the same for my in-laws,
also as respect for my husband and his family.
Plus both of us are the eldest in our families...
And errrmmmm... i'm the chef of the house.
And yet....
My MIL doesn do housework. So i do it. FIL helps out a lot too.
And yet...csc:
Wow. Wow. Wow.It helps a lot as my husband takes his stand as the HEAD of the family and my mil is traditional and submissive to authority. Think , before our marriage, he did set some ground rules with her which went something like this -
*Thou shall not interfere with the upbringing of our children
*Thou shall not expect the dil to serve mil or sil like in the olden days
*Thou shall not interfere in the discipline of our children or take their
sides when they are being punished
* Thou shall only watch tv in the bedroom or when kids are not at home...
He's the MAN. csc.
Lucky you. Hubs has foresight..
csc:
On the occasions she does cook, i praise her too and give her someI will praise her cooking. We watch Cantonese serials together and go for cantonese opera too.. It's a good thing I like those activities too... in fact, my sils don't like watching cantonese operas....
delight when i ask she teach me the wonderful hand downed recipe.
I try to do stuff she likes, like watch Korean dramas... bring her for
foot reflex... treat her to movies... nice makan in restaurants... when
i worked i gave her money (on top of what hubs gives)... but yet......
10yrs being married, i tried almost everything.
Its hard to be good enough for her.
That being said, she has toned down a LOT.
Less aggressive. Less bad mouthing. Less of a lotta things.
Mebbe cos she received another DIL who has talk-to-the-hand
attitude, she has seen the light??? Wuakahkahkah! :lol: :lol:csc:
Me too.. She was ill treated big time.She has shared with me how her mil used to ill-treat her and well, thank God, resolves to be different.....
FIL and hubs confirmed that..
But definitely not resolving to be different.
More on taking out the grudge on me...
csc:
Us too. My parents and my SIL's parent's and siblings will come along..You may not believe it, during CNY gatherings and birthday celebrations, all of our mils will come along for a good time together. :lol:
During these times, its mostly pretentious candour. But, i'm proud that
my parents are the respectable people that they are. Not even once do
they show any sign of dislike of any kind... SIL's side too. Even though
they all know what goes behind our closed doors.
Thanks to our (mine and SIL) magnanimous parents, their wisdom and
emotional support, we have till today maintained our sanity and keep
our marriage to the sons happily.
Hubs now understands all the struggles i had to go thru and has made
firm with his stand (whenever the need arises-without prompting...hehee)
without any bias-ness. He has many times expressed his love and
gratitude for bearing with his family issues over the years.
An exerpt, from hubs thank you speech... ( Wuahahahaa!! :lol: )
\"I know it has been hard for/on you.. yet you put up with everything
anyways. Tho i've not said this before, i'm happy i married you cos
i don't think any other woman wud've been able to do what you do,
being a good wife to me and good DIL to my parents, challenging as it
may... taking charge of the entire household and yet still have time to be
the best mum and teacher to our girls... till today...\"
Late as it may, for the light at the end of the tunnel... it did come...
FINALLY TOO... (Not sure how long i cud hold out anymore)
And now, I have benefitted from having a more thoughtful and loving
husband, who never fails to appreciate even the littlest things...
Now... i hope i get that coolest spot in Eden. (heaven)
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[quote]\"Boomerang effect\" ... hmmm... i like how you say that.
I'm used to karma and retribution, boomerang effect - sounds
fancy! I'll borrow that phrase sometime.. hope u dun mind.[/quote]No problem at all! It's good to know someone likes it.
[quote]You may not believe it, during CNY gatherings and birthday celebrations, all of our mils will come along for a good time together. [/quote]Hi csc, I'm really happy that you have got good MIL and I have seen good MIL too. My friend had too, and she told me that she can talk to her MIL whole day. But one strange thing that I realised, those good MIL stories that I've heard are usually very soft-spoken ladies and they tend the housechores really well. Dunno coincidence or wat.
Talking about this year's CNY, my in-laws and MIL's 2 other sisters along with their families went for a group trip together to Cameron Highlands.
It wasn't one of the places that I would like to go if given a choice as I've been there before when I was alot younger and it was a screwed-up trip then that gave me phobia for eating corn for my life. Vomited nothing but corn only, so after that, really feared the smell of corn.
I thought it might be a good chance that we could go together (and our first time too) to go in such a huge group (20 of us). And most importantly, my SIL is going for her honeymoon, so she wasn't in the trip. But I had to sacrifice the CNY (cos my family get-together is only on Day 1 of CNY, and my family only meets up their once-in-a-year relatives on Day 1, so I knew I couldn't meet my relatives that year).
I regretted my decision almost immediately.
Even before the trip, she told DH that Day 1 when we just come back from Cameron, can go home rest. Day 2, dinner's gonna be at her house and we need to come back to have dinner with all the her side's relatives (my FIL's family already outcast by her liao). DH told her that I'll need to go visit my parents and have dinner there. But MIL was like didn't hear it or wat. She repeated herself and said Day 1 can don't need to come her house bec just came back from the trip. Day 2 come her house for dinner bec his sis is coming back home for dinner that night after his sis spends Day 1 in her in-law's house for dinner liao. I was like :x, you mean I got no parents is it? SIL come back to her own parents, then you mean I cannot go back to my own parents??? :x :x :x
Wah, deep down I was fuming inside. But was lucky, my husband had the final say and he said that WE ARE going to MY parents' place for dinner but we'll make a short trip to his parents' place just to ๆๅนด.
Anyway, the trip was horrendous, both my boys vomited like never before (just like how I vomited when I went there too). I had to tend for them. DS2 was already having fever a day before the trip, and after the vomit, his fever shot up high 39 degrees. Like before, I was invisible to my PILs. They offered no help. My DH and I had to clean up the children while on the bus, risking vomiting ourselves.
You know who came to our help? My MIL's big sister & 3rd sister were there to help, they had vomited too, but one offered the thermometer, another offered to carry and change their clothes. My cousins-in-law offered medicine to bring down the boy's fever should it shoot up to 40 degrees.
When the bus stopped, my MIL was busy with her luggage and bringing out the sweater for herself, while my boys were naked then when we had to fumble the luggage for their clothes. The agent was not helpful too. When we asked if we could go to the hotel for clothes' change first, he had lied to us that our hotel was very far away and we just had to go for dinner and night market first before we could book into the hotel. I was full of my boy's vomit and well, that was my day 1 up at Cameron's.
During dinner I was busy feeding DS2, DH to DS1, and I hadn't had my own dinner yet. When MIL's elder sis saw it, she reprimanded my MIL and ordered her to carry DS2 so that I could eat. So ya, finally DS2 was off me when I finished the feeding, while MIL has long finished her own dinner. -
winth:
Here's something for a change...
But one strange thing that I realised, those good MIL stories that I've heard are usually very soft-spoken ladies and they tend the housechores really well. Dunno coincidence or wat.
My PIL are considered good as compared to most stories i heard. No nagging from them (in general), they don't complain me to my husband (i am really messy!), my FIL woke up 6.30am so that he can send my son to school (at times when my husband is not around and the younger one is still sleeping) even though he doesn't need to work that day. my MIL will take a bus to fetch my boy after school if the younger one needs to take a nap at home. My MIL also does the housechores and cooks, but she ain't soft spoken. She is the head of the house. We live under the same roof amicably for the past 8 years cos I am very soft-spoken.
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Hi Buds,
I'm sure you'll not only get the coolest spot in Heaven but the biggest MANSION there! :lol:
And :udawoman: Your long-suffering will one day be appreciated , I'm sure....
Quoting Proverbs 31: 27-29 \"She looks well to the ways of her houshold and does not eat the bread of idleness. Her children rise up and bless her; Her husband also, and he praises her , saying : Many daughters have done nobly. But you excel them all.\" :salute: -
jedamum:
I carried my sleeping K2 with me on my shoulder,
Here's something for a change...winth:
But one strange thing that I realised, those good MIL stories that I've heard are usually very soft-spoken ladies and they tend the housechores really well. Dunno coincidence or wat.
My PIL are considered good as compared to most stories i heard. No nagging from them (in general), they don't complain me to my husband (i am really messy!), my FIL woke up 6.30am so that he can send my son to school (at times when my husband is not around and the younger one is still sleeping) even though he doesn't need to work that day. my MIL will take a bus to fetch my boy after school if the younger one needs to take a nap at home. My MIL also does the housechores and cooks, but she ain't soft spoken. She is the head of the house. We live under the same roof amicably for the past 8 years cos I am very soft-spoken.
to send/fetch P2 to/from school for her (CCA) & stuff,
even when they are around..
I dun speak at all.. gulp.
Still kena oso..
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csc:
Hi Buds, I'm sure you'll not only get the coolest spot in Heaven but the biggest MANSION there! :lol:
:lol: Hope so.. See u there! csc:
Yes, it has! Thanks.And :udawoman: Your long-suffering will one day be appreciated , I'm sure....
The suffering has ended and been appreciated.
Not looking forward to future sequels (to the drama). :lol:
Yup, gone are the rag-mopping days... Thank u god.
(I was told to use a rag to clean the floors cos all their life they never
used one or owned one, for that matter... Had to do it even when i was
pregnant. And one day i just bought one with the wonderful blue sponge
squishies and hid it in my room..
)csc:
Quoting Proverbs 31: 27-29 \"She looks well to the ways of her household and does not eat the bread of idleness. Her children rise up and bless her; Her husband also, and he praises her , saying : Many daughters have done nobly. But you excel them all.\" :salute:
Touching.. -
[quote]\"Boomerang effect\" ... hmmm... i like how you say that.
I'm used to karma and retribution, boomerang effect - sounds
fancy! I'll borrow that phrase sometime.. hope u dun mind.[/quote]winth:
Thanks!No problem at all! It's good to know someone likes it.
winth:
Yup, i've had a few friends myself... who shared their sisterly-relationshipHi csc, I'm really happy that you have got good MIL and I have seen good MIL too. My friend had too, and she told me that she can talk to her MIL whole day. But one strange thing that I realised, those good MIL stories that I've heard are usually very soft-spoken ladies and they tend the housechores really well. Dunno coincidence or wat.
with their MIL's. Envy.. winth:
I feel for you, winth.. It must've been really tough on you.Talking about this year's CNY, my in-laws and MIL's 2 other sisters along with their families went for a group trip together to Cameron Highlands..
Thank goodness, hubs felt the same way you do... :love:
What a horrible trip to undergo and to remember too!
Definitely a memorable one - for the wrong reasons. -
Winth,
You're real courageous to travel with your mil's family. Wow!
Usually, we travel with my mil ONLY. Have not tried travelling with sils' family or even my own siblings' family yet.... Aniwae, my husband sure will be the first one to object .... his view is so ma fun..... how to cater to the needs of so many people .... sure got conflict.... how to enjoy trip then?
Jedamum is right lah.....all of us dils must learn to cultivate a quiet spirit lah... :lol: BUT i believe in standing up for our rights , if need be.... glad that you, winth and your husband stated your stand clearly abt going back to your parents' house. :ugogirl:
Also , a reminder is that in handling such issues and also with all other relationships, it is best to 'attack' issues and not the \"parties\". That means despite all their shortcomings and not forgetting ours too, we still need to respect them as our elders.
Remember, our children are watching and learning our attitudes and actions! -
[quote] I feel for you, winth.. It must've been really tough on you.
Thank goodness, hubs felt the same way you do...
What a horrible trip to undergo and to remember too!
Definitely a memorable one - for the wrong reasons.[/quote]My MIL and her elder sis were already discussing their next CNY's trip to Thailand, even before the Cameron's.
So after that trip, my DH said STOP to all CNY trips. He would like to stay in Singapore and go visit all relatives then just get booked by his own family. -
[quote]Also , a reminder is that in handling such issues and also with all other relationships, it is best to 'attack' issues and not the \"parties\". That means despite all their shortcomings and not forgetting ours too, we still need to respect them as our elders.
Remember, our children are watching and learning our attitudes and actions![/quote]Gulp! I know... I'll be a future-MIL x 2 too... that's why I don't dare to speak ill or condemn her. It's her actions that make me :stupid: most of the time.
Not forgetting my SIL who drives me up my nerves the most. As for my MIL, I think she secretly knows where she stands in my husband's heart, so she dun dare to be too upfront and come challenge me. She just discreetly does her own ignoring when we are alone. So by and large, me still quite okay treated, as long as my DH is there.
It's more like I've to let go of my own self-inflicted misery caused by those actions, if not I'm a happily married woman.
My MIL one very pitiful woman too. She was ill-treated upfront by her own MIL and her SILs and her own husband don't even care or make any stand, so can't really compare to hers.
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