Had problems with in laws in the past.....

[Jennifer]

Trust your wife to know what she needs to do right.

[FishFingers]

Jennifer:

Trust your wife to know what she needs to do right.

I trust my wife but I have a nagging feeling that I don't like.

And I am worried for my girls too.I feel like booking 3 tickets from Scoot and tell 3 of them that I am sending them for an Australian holiday in September.But knowing my wife's workaholic character, she will probably turn me down.

I can't say the same for DD1 and DD2 though.

[phtthp]

You can’t run away from your FIL forever. He is the father of your wife, anytime can come down from Malaysia to visit his daughter in Sg, be it during September school holidays, or any other holiday season.

[ammonite]

FishFingers:

What should I do?Just worried my FIL will get up to some tricks.My wife also needs to return to school during the September holidays cos she got a lot of things to do.

Or should I buy air tickets for all 3 of them to stay in Australia with my parents until my training is done and we fly back together?

That is surely a recipe to make things worse. If your mil is currently cordial, she may no longer be cordial if you do this to them.
The girls are brought up by them, it is not fair to them and to the kids to not let them visit.

Does this mean there will be no issue after the visit?

Well, humans are humans right? They are bound to ask the girls if they miss living with them, if they would like to go back, are mum and dad taking good care of them etc etc. These are normal questions, emotional questions, and your in laws have every right to ask them. After all they have been the caregivers for so many years! Your FIL is already giving way by visiting only when you are away.

They may criticise, they may highlight all the \"bad\" things, but at the same time, they will note the good things and feel gratified that you are taking good care of the three girls.

The bridge to reconciliation is tolerance and understanding. Not only should you let them visit, you should actively bring the children back to visit them regularly.

Every parent know how much work it is to raise a baby to a ten year old. You cannot just take them back, drive across the causeway and limit all visits.

[sharonkhoo]

FishFingers:

Jennifer:

Trust your wife to know what she needs to do right.

I trust my wife but I have a nagging feeling that I don't like.

And I am worried for my girls too.I feel like booking 3 tickets from Scoot and tell 3 of them that I am sending them for an Australian holiday in September.But knowing my wife's workaholic character, she will probably turn me down.

I can't say the same for DD1 and DD2 though.

There is some risk since you did that to your FIL too. One way you could try to prevent is to take your girls' passports away and lock them up somewhere else. That should limit the risk of them being snatched back. You can't prevent them being persuaded by their grandparents to ask to return to Penang though. Unfortunately, since there is already a basic disagreement between you and FIL, that is something you have to live with.

In the long run, even if you dislike your FIL, they are your children's grandparents. It's like divorced parents having to remain civil for the kids' sakes - you can't cut them out of your kids' lives. You will have to work out a reasonable compromise between you even if you are never in complete agreement.

[ammonite]

I didn’t think of the passport issue - good point!

Another good reason to apply for citizenship.

[FishFingers]

Yeah,I could lock up their passports and hopefully I can still find people in the house when I get back.


My wife does not seem to be very free during Sep holidays and not much time to entertain them too.

[sharonkhoo]

The main thing is to build your relationship with your daugters during this period so they don’t want to leave, whatever inducements their grandparents might offer. What does your wife think about their returning to Malaysia? If she is ambivalent, or if she is likely to be swayed by her parents, that could be a problem.

[FishFingers]

My wife wants them to stay with us.She is 50/50,can be or not be swayed easily.


I will have a talk in the car later to sound out DD1 and DD2 on the way home from school.They seem to have a positive attitude towards us.

Asked them if they would like to attend Mommy’s(St Nicks and VJC) or daddy’s school(Queensway Sec and NYJC) in future.They said yes.

Thank God that I applied PR for them already.