When your child wants this and that...

[Addoil]

hi schellen


ur experience is the good example. Thks for spending time to share.

smurf

remember that is never too late to start, end of the year, might see some of the result come out.

[smurf]

schellen:

You're welcome! :oops:


I know about the old folks drill thingy cos I had to go through that too. My sis was born when I just entered primary school, and apparently, my unhappiness lasted till P2 even. I didn't become violent but I think I got even more introverted and my grades slipped. My parents didn't even notice until the school called them up to have a chat. :shock:

The old folks do get it right that we being the elder one should set good example but they forgot that we need to be shown how to do it. We also need to be rewarded. Not monetary rewards, just acknowledgement that my parents still remember and love me, and have not abandoned me for something that I deem noisy, smelly, useless and boring.

The key is to incorporate elder child into baby's life. Then elder child will be proud of being baby's kor-kor or jie-jie. :love:

I think you have made a very good point! thanks so much for your advise, will try my very best, though sometime can be energy draining.

[smurf]

Addoil:

smurf

remember that is never too late to start, end of the year, might see some of the result come out.

I really do hope so.

[smurf]

dunno where to start.


today, my patience is really draining, and I'm so tired and energy depleting.

from morning until now (3.46pm), my 4 year old keeps throwing tandrum.and he can throw tantrum about me not replying him, attending to baby, etc.

Yesterday, I told him to put the cup (with drink inside) towards the middle of the table, in case the baby graps the cup and topples the drink. he forgot. and baby got hold of the cup and 'treat' himself some liquid.

never mind about that. today, again. asked him to put the bowl inside (remember yesterday, I reminded him). again, he forgot or maybe he didn't listen. baby got hold of the bowl and toppled it.

what is wrong with him? i dunno. why can't he listen and behave like other children?

I told him we are NOT going out today since he didn't listen and behave himself (throwing tantrum, shouted at me, cried, etc).

ok, for a while (maybe 15 mins), he 'showed' me he behaves and TOLD me,' see mama, I behaved.' and then after 15 mins, he is back to his old self.

do I need to keep reminding him, I'm so tried of reminding him every 10 mins!!! :stupid:

BTW, he can shout at me about tiny little things, like, not answering him when he talks, of when I dun feel like talking, etc. when I just keep quiet, he will stomp his feet, and when I ignore him, he throw tantrum and will NOT stop until I do something about it.

why why why??? why my son is like that? I feel like banging myself on the wall. :stupid:

does he need to see phychiatrist?he wants me to 'sayang' him every min of the day. :shock:

[winth]

smurf:

BTW, he can shout at me about tiny little things, like, not answering him when he talks, of when I dun feel like talking, etc. when I just keep quiet, he will stomp his feet, and when I ignore him, he throw tantrum and will NOT stop until I do something about it.

1. What about writing down house rules? Be specific. i.e. no screaming, no shouting, no stamping of feet
2. And after house rules are out, get him to read through with you, give you examples of what each rule meant, so that you know he understands thoroughly what is on it
3. Tell him that if he should defies any house rule, he will be punished by facing the wall, sit in a corner for 5 mins
4. And if he follows your house rules for a week, he will get a reward/treat

smurf:

Yesterday, I told him to put the cup (with drink inside) towards the middle of the table, in case the baby graps the cup and topples the drink. he forgot. and baby got hold of the cup and 'treat' himself some liquid.

never mind about that. today, again. asked him to put the bowl inside (remember yesterday, I reminded him). again, he forgot or maybe he didn't listen. baby got hold of the bowl and toppled it.

what is wrong with him? i dunno. why can't he listen and behave like other children?

Seriously speaking, I think your expectations for your 4 year old to follow your logical reasoning for putting the cup/bowl in the middle of the table doesn't appeal to him. To him, his duty finishes by just putting the bowl/cup on the table.
My 6-year old still forgets to close my bedroom door everytime he bashes in while I'm working. Told him reasons, but he still forgets.

And I think you might have been too critical in his every action. Bec you've been drained of your energy from your 10-month old, you expect him to behave like a perfect little boy so that he won't need to drain more energy away from you.
That's actually not very fair to your 4-year old.
You might need to adjust your expectations of him alittle, so that you won't feel too depressed. He's just a kid.

My then 4 year old was almost the same when baby was born. He started to cry alot and he screams (very unlike him), and sometimes when (he thinks) we are not watching, he would go make faces/pinch/scream at the infant. We started scolding him alot and it got worse. It went to a point that all 3 of us (DH, me, DS1) were screaming at each other. And we thought something was wrong with him.

Things turned around when we realised that we haven't been giving him room to act and behave like a child. Our screamings/scoldings stopped. I am alot more patient with him and ensured that I followed through with 'my promise' with him, say... play games with him, brush his teeth for him, bathe him and lay with him in his bed till he sleeps. DH started to show him more concern too and he was alot more patient than I am actually. With this, we feel that (and we definitely hope) DS1 knows that we are meeting his needs too, just like his Didi's.

Ask yourself this: are you fulfilling every need of your baby's, even though he was screaming/crying/shouting/throwing tantrums? If you are, why can't your 4-year old? This will be (and I think) is going on in his mind.

[smurf]

House rules do works. but I have to keep reminding. sometimes, can be very triing. cos he forgets in about 10 mins. so have to keep emphasising.



you are right. I forgot that he is still 4 year old. The thing is baby takes up a lot of my time. actually, things were going very well for the last few weeks. but I guess I do not have so much energy to keep up with it. Most of the time, I’m the one taking care of them, almost 24 hrs of the day, except when the elder goes to school.

[winth]

It’s best that you find someone to help you.


My mum almost broke down with a kidney failure when she had to tend to the infant and my 4 year old who are both demanding (from 7am to 8pm), when I was in office.

I can understand to lookafter 2 on 24x7 is extremely tiring. But can never vent it on children, it’s going to make things worse.

If you can, ask your mother or MIL for help, that’s the cheaper alternative. Or, send one of the children away for a full-day childcare.

[mintcc]

[quote]House rules do works. but I have to keep reminding. sometimes, can be very triing. cos he forgets in about 10 mins. so have to keep emphasising.[/quote]
Kids are like that, but it sounds like things are improving, good job! amd
Yes, agree with winth, may be you need some help. Full time childcare is probably a good choice if there is no one available to help. Getting some supplements for your selp may help with the energy part too. Vit B + C helps alot for me.

[smurf]

My mum has other commitment so she can't help and my MIL passed away last year.


only care is child care, but my boy is adapting well in his current 3hr Kindy, so I do no wish to change that. I tried to put him in childcare before, but he hates it. and he 'begs' me not to send him to childcare. I asked him why, he said,' cos then I can't see u'. when I heard that, I melted.hahah.

[winth]

You might wanna leave your housechores to the last so that you get time to rest. I have a part-time cleaner to help me with my housekeeping, so that leaves a great part of the housechores done.


Does your hubby help out in the care of the children?

err... I've tried domestic helper (for 2 months, didn't work out), but if you are keen, you might wanna look into this area. But you might want to read about the maids http://www.kiasuparents.com/kiasu/forum/viewtopic.php?t=903 before making any decision.