When your child wants this and that...

[smurf]

dunno where to start.


today, my patience is really draining, and I'm so tired and energy depleting.

from morning until now (3.46pm), my 4 year old keeps throwing tandrum.and he can throw tantrum about me not replying him, attending to baby, etc.

Yesterday, I told him to put the cup (with drink inside) towards the middle of the table, in case the baby graps the cup and topples the drink. he forgot. and baby got hold of the cup and 'treat' himself some liquid.

never mind about that. today, again. asked him to put the bowl inside (remember yesterday, I reminded him). again, he forgot or maybe he didn't listen. baby got hold of the bowl and toppled it.

what is wrong with him? i dunno. why can't he listen and behave like other children?

I told him we are NOT going out today since he didn't listen and behave himself (throwing tantrum, shouted at me, cried, etc).

ok, for a while (maybe 15 mins), he 'showed' me he behaves and TOLD me,' see mama, I behaved.' and then after 15 mins, he is back to his old self.

do I need to keep reminding him, I'm so tried of reminding him every 10 mins!!! :stupid:

BTW, he can shout at me about tiny little things, like, not answering him when he talks, of when I dun feel like talking, etc. when I just keep quiet, he will stomp his feet, and when I ignore him, he throw tantrum and will NOT stop until I do something about it.

why why why??? why my son is like that? I feel like banging myself on the wall. :stupid:

does he need to see phychiatrist?he wants me to 'sayang' him every min of the day. :shock:

[winth]

smurf:

BTW, he can shout at me about tiny little things, like, not answering him when he talks, of when I dun feel like talking, etc. when I just keep quiet, he will stomp his feet, and when I ignore him, he throw tantrum and will NOT stop until I do something about it.

1. What about writing down house rules? Be specific. i.e. no screaming, no shouting, no stamping of feet
2. And after house rules are out, get him to read through with you, give you examples of what each rule meant, so that you know he understands thoroughly what is on it
3. Tell him that if he should defies any house rule, he will be punished by facing the wall, sit in a corner for 5 mins
4. And if he follows your house rules for a week, he will get a reward/treat

smurf:

Yesterday, I told him to put the cup (with drink inside) towards the middle of the table, in case the baby graps the cup and topples the drink. he forgot. and baby got hold of the cup and 'treat' himself some liquid.

never mind about that. today, again. asked him to put the bowl inside (remember yesterday, I reminded him). again, he forgot or maybe he didn't listen. baby got hold of the bowl and toppled it.

what is wrong with him? i dunno. why can't he listen and behave like other children?

Seriously speaking, I think your expectations for your 4 year old to follow your logical reasoning for putting the cup/bowl in the middle of the table doesn't appeal to him. To him, his duty finishes by just putting the bowl/cup on the table.
My 6-year old still forgets to close my bedroom door everytime he bashes in while I'm working. Told him reasons, but he still forgets.

And I think you might have been too critical in his every action. Bec you've been drained of your energy from your 10-month old, you expect him to behave like a perfect little boy so that he won't need to drain more energy away from you.
That's actually not very fair to your 4-year old.
You might need to adjust your expectations of him alittle, so that you won't feel too depressed. He's just a kid.

My then 4 year old was almost the same when baby was born. He started to cry alot and he screams (very unlike him), and sometimes when (he thinks) we are not watching, he would go make faces/pinch/scream at the infant. We started scolding him alot and it got worse. It went to a point that all 3 of us (DH, me, DS1) were screaming at each other. And we thought something was wrong with him.

Things turned around when we realised that we haven't been giving him room to act and behave like a child. Our screamings/scoldings stopped. I am alot more patient with him and ensured that I followed through with 'my promise' with him, say... play games with him, brush his teeth for him, bathe him and lay with him in his bed till he sleeps. DH started to show him more concern too and he was alot more patient than I am actually. With this, we feel that (and we definitely hope) DS1 knows that we are meeting his needs too, just like his Didi's.

Ask yourself this: are you fulfilling every need of your baby's, even though he was screaming/crying/shouting/throwing tantrums? If you are, why can't your 4-year old? This will be (and I think) is going on in his mind.

[smurf]

House rules do works. but I have to keep reminding. sometimes, can be very triing. cos he forgets in about 10 mins. so have to keep emphasising.



you are right. I forgot that he is still 4 year old. The thing is baby takes up a lot of my time. actually, things were going very well for the last few weeks. but I guess I do not have so much energy to keep up with it. Most of the time, I’m the one taking care of them, almost 24 hrs of the day, except when the elder goes to school.

[winth]

It’s best that you find someone to help you.


My mum almost broke down with a kidney failure when she had to tend to the infant and my 4 year old who are both demanding (from 7am to 8pm), when I was in office.

I can understand to lookafter 2 on 24x7 is extremely tiring. But can never vent it on children, it’s going to make things worse.

If you can, ask your mother or MIL for help, that’s the cheaper alternative. Or, send one of the children away for a full-day childcare.

[mintcc]

[quote]House rules do works. but I have to keep reminding. sometimes, can be very triing. cos he forgets in about 10 mins. so have to keep emphasising.[/quote]
Kids are like that, but it sounds like things are improving, good job! amd
Yes, agree with winth, may be you need some help. Full time childcare is probably a good choice if there is no one available to help. Getting some supplements for your selp may help with the energy part too. Vit B + C helps alot for me.

[smurf]

My mum has other commitment so she can't help and my MIL passed away last year.


only care is child care, but my boy is adapting well in his current 3hr Kindy, so I do no wish to change that. I tried to put him in childcare before, but he hates it. and he 'begs' me not to send him to childcare. I asked him why, he said,' cos then I can't see u'. when I heard that, I melted.hahah.

[winth]

You might wanna leave your housechores to the last so that you get time to rest. I have a part-time cleaner to help me with my housekeeping, so that leaves a great part of the housechores done.


Does your hubby help out in the care of the children?

err... I've tried domestic helper (for 2 months, didn't work out), but if you are keen, you might wanna look into this area. But you might want to read about the maids http://www.kiasuparents.com/kiasu/forum/viewtopic.php?t=903 before making any decision.

[lambchop1976]

smurf:

why why why??? why my son is like that? I feel like banging myself on the wall. :stupid:

does he need to see phychiatrist?he wants me to 'sayang' him every min of the day. :shock:

relax and try telling yrself this \"phrase\": \"kids are like that. He is only 4. Its a phase....it will pass.\"

Yr son is just feeling insecure esp wif the new bb. No matter how much you sayang him 24/7 he still feel not enough. y? cos this time is now divided into 2 now.

I always struggled with my boys behaviour...still struggling. I always teach myself the \"phrase\". btw i hv 3 boys aged: 4y/o, 2.5y/o & 1.5y/o.
I rmb there was a period of very difficult time i hv all 3, the youngest being a newborn, no maid or external helper except my mom despite diff in walking helps me. My boys hv different needs. The then 32.5mths who wants to be read and taught new things constantly, the then 12mths struggling as he learns to walk and the NB constantly milking. I was very sad/depressed. I told my hubby i dun hv enuf time/energy for all 3 n blues ovr how can I share my love? I hv 3...how...

No joke its tough work but as i look back now 1yr later with a maid to do chores. It is worth it. :lol: I bonded with them all 3 of them! Nothing can replaced that time and space I shared so closely with them. My \"not enuf\" love for all 3? :love: Nonsense. God just multiply it by many folds now. He overflows my heart for the love of my kids.

Of course la now they learn to fight! But I told my eldest to set an example. Not easy for him at the age of 32mths he is a bro of 2. I constantly reminded him I love him and no one will take away his place in my heart. He is always and will be my 1st born. You will be surprise they do understd the word \"1st born\" of course u must place emphasis in. Then my second boy I told him to love his younger bro, respect the older bro...he is learning esp wif the loving part. Age gap too close lots of struggle. N to my youngest i told him (well he may not understd yet so must constnt remind him) that no choice he has to accept he is the youngest..last born but NEVER the least in the household. He has to respect both his da ge and he will always hv dad and mommy's love and his gege will also love and protect him. 9Hmm..tho he is the toughest of them all)

Give yrself a breather. Bring the little 1 out while the older one is in sch. Enjoy the sun, sand and do whatevr that makes YOU happy. No good cooping at home. Like me housework try to do later while kids slp if not get hubby to do it. Whn i was maidless, my hubby is the kind who DUn do housework but have no choice end up doing 10% cos I ask him \"housework or be the COW?\"..oh me the cow stop production after 3wks due to stress no milk

If u intend to get maids, be sure you or some1 home most of the time with the maid. Its never safe to leave children until they can converse to maids alone. far too many scary stories heard and experienced by myself rgd maids.

[smurf]

Hi winth,


have tried domestic helper but things dun work out too.

I think the main problem is his behaviour, not the housework, etc. it's his behaviour shouting, screaming throwing tantrum, etc that makes me crazy. houseworks are excuse lor.

Hi lampchop1976,

you got 3 at so close age gap? wow, must be tough. but at least got helper lah.

I reaally hope that that phase will soon be over. because his cousin is also like that (although not as jia lak) until now at age 8.

[schellen]

Some of you may be familiar with this column in TODAY, by Dr. Bill Maier, called \"Focus on the Family\". It's on page 28 today. Here's what's on today:


The Cure for Tantrums
Ever seen a toddler throw a temper tantrum in the middle of a grocery store? It usually makes their parents feel like crawling under a rock.
Tantrums usually start around the age of one or two and just about every toddler will throw one in public eventually.
How we react as parents makes all the difference in whether or not it becomes a habit.
It's natural for kids to defy their parents. When they want a toy or candy and we say no, they may scream or fall on the floor in order to get their way.
The best medicine is to ignore it -- even though it may be embarrassing for you.
Don't make eye contact or give in, simply keep on shopping. When your child calms himself, praise his improved behaviour.
And then redirect his attention to something else.
Research shows that any kind of attention during a tantrum is actually reinforcing it. It's good behaviour we want to reward, not the bad.

So if you have a copy, cut it out and laminate it. If you don't just print this page out. Then, when your child throws one, take it out and reassure yourself that you are doing the right thing. If kaypohs tell you otherwise, show this to them too and tell them to shut up, politely or in-your-face, it's up to you.