Is it possible to treat your children equally?

[3Boys]

markfch:

I'm a parent of a single child. I don't think that I can love anyone more than I love DS (ok pls don't lecture me that my priorities are wrong, I know that too). I often wondered if I were - notice the past tense here - to have another kid, is it possible for me to love both of them equally. If I can't love them equally, is it possible at least to treat them equally?


I've serious doubts that I am able to do so. Surely my limited quota of love is consumed by DS already. Even during my growing up years (I've 3 siblings), I noticed that my parents were not immuned to this issue as well.

So for the more productive parents out there, what is your take on this?

There is a quota on time and energy, but there will never be a quota on your love. Remember the first wail when your son was born? Did you not automatically love him from that first instance you laid eyes on the bloody, grubby mess? You weren't even trained for it, it just happened.

It'll be the same for the rest of your (future) children, you will love them all unconditionally, and in my view, loving them equally is the easy part.

Treating them equally, whoa nelly! That's a whole different kettle of fish. They have different personalities, idiosyncrasies, and believe me, sibling rivalry is a BIG thing. It will be tough, but that's parenting.....

[markfch]

tamarind:

The title of this thread uses the word \"treat\", not love. I do believe that it is possible to treat our kids equally. I have a very calculative daughter who always remind me to be fair to her and her brother. I just do as she says

Yes my question is whether it is possible to be treat your kids equally. In other words, fairly. I actually think that it is easier to treat your kids equally, but impossible to love them equally.

By that I meant if I had 2 kids, if I were to send the 1st kid for violin lessons, I'll make sure that I can also afford the same opportunity for 2nd one. If I can't afford to send both, then I won't send either. Must be fair mah.

But I don't think I can love both equally as I will always favor the more 'talented' one or the one that makes me prouder.

[corneyAmber]

I tend to agree with markfch that love can never be equal because we are emotional beings. Yes, it is true that parents’ love is unconditional in that if there is a crisis, parents will not care about themselves and sacrifice for the children regardless whether it is 1, 2 or 3…etc… ALL must be saved.


However, during non-crisis situation, this unconditional love will still move into some form of categorisation and will not be an equal distribution, simply because we are emotional beings, we do go according to how we feel about things at times though we try to dissuade ourselves in our minds. For example, how much "most recent" quality time a parent spends with a kid will certainly influence the weightage of that child in the heart of the parents, it’s only human.

[jedamum]

3Boys:

There is a quota on time and energy, but there will never be a quota on your love.

It'll be the same for the rest of your (future) children, you will love them all unconditionally, and in my view, loving them equally is the easy part.

Treating them equally, whoa nelly! That's a whole different kettle of fish. They have different personalities, idiosyncrasies, and believe me, sibling rivalry is a BIG thing. It will be tough, but that's parenting.....

I agree.
I agree.
I agree again.

[3Boys]

jedamum:

3Boys:

There is a quota on time and energy, but there will never be a quota on your love.

It'll be the same for the rest of your (future) children, you will love them all unconditionally, and in my view, loving them equally is the easy part.

Treating them equally, whoa nelly! That's a whole different kettle of fish. They have different personalities, idiosyncrasies, and believe me, sibling rivalry is a BIG thing. It will be tough, but that's parenting.....

I agree.
I agree.
I agree again.

Hee hee. In a quiet moment, when the kids are charming and fun, I really love and adore them so much and it all comes so naturally. Loving them the same seems so effortless.

When they start acting up.....oh boy! And each have their own issues, very hard to be completely balanced and fair (but we try).

[buds]

jedamum:

3Boys:

There is a quota on time and energy, but there will never be a quota on your love.

It'll be the same for the rest of your (future) children, you will love them all unconditionally, and in my view, loving them equally is the easy part.

Treating them equally, whoa nelly! That's a whole different kettle of fish. They have different personalities, idiosyncrasies, and believe me, sibling rivalry is a BIG thing. It will be tough, but that's parenting.....

I agree.
I agree.
I agree again.

Love how you put it, 3boys! http://www.freesmileys.org/smileys.php

But yeah, we try.. that's parenting.
Our work is cut out for us... http://www.freesmileys.org/smileys.php

[buds]

3Boys:

Hee hee. In a quiet moment, when the kids are charming and fun, I really love and adore them so much and it all comes so naturally. Loving them the same seems so effortless.

Hey! :idea:

I know those quiet moments...

Sometimes we catch them....
When they're reading together..
When they're playing well together..
When they're doing chores together
as a team to help around the house..

Best and most angelic moment is when they are .... http://www.freesmileys.org/smileys.php
We remember once when we were looking at them both sleeping
so soundly, hubs went, \"Aren't they angels when they're sleeping,
baby? Makes us parents disillusioned about getting another angel..\"
Then, come morning when they start acting up again...http://www.freesmileys.org/smileys.php

[3Boys]

buds, where you get all your cool emoticons…

[sunflower]

3Boys:

jedamum:

[quote=\"3Boys\"]
There is a quota on time and energy, but there will never be a quota on your love.

It'll be the same for the rest of your (future) children, you will love them all unconditionally, and in my view, loving them equally is the easy part.

Treating them equally, whoa nelly! That's a whole different kettle of fish. They have different personalities, idiosyncrasies, and believe me, sibling rivalry is a BIG thing. It will be tough, but that's parenting.....

I agree.
I agree.
I agree again.

Hee hee. In a quiet moment, when the kids are charming and fun, I really love and adore them so much and it all comes so naturally. Loving them the same seems so effortless.

When they start acting up.....oh boy! And each have their own issues, very hard to be completely balanced and fair (but we try).[/quote]Ha, ha...totally agree! :lol:

[buds]

3Boys:

buds, where you get all your cool emoticons.....

http://www.freesmileys.org/smileys.php From here yo! > http://www.freesmileys.org

They're all awfully cute really! http://www.freesmileys.org/smileys.php

So many to choose..
Not enough time to use! http://www.freesmileys.org/smileys.php