In-law problems?

[Angelight]

Judging from the long and winding posts in this thread, looks like most of us here have some problems with in-laws, mostly MILs.


Highly recommend this book titled "Toxic In-laws - strategies to save your marriage". Can’t remember the author though. I read the book and found it very useful.

Basically, there are 5 types of toxic in-laws:
1. the Controller
2. the Engulfer
3. the Critic
4. the Rejector
5. the Trouble-Maker

[janet88]

Angelight,

For those ladies who get along well with their MILs, it’s really a wonderful thing…bcos they have one triumph card on their side when couple fights.

[Luvkid]

Once my mil brought a pail of water from the fish tank (think the fish was dead cos that pail of water really fishy smelly like dun know what to describe), she gotta walk 2 streets (10-15 min walk) from her plc to our plc, just to water our plants :roll: 1 or 2 pots of plants are from her plc, she brought them over. After that fishy water, she dun bring fishy water, she came and reprimand us (DH and i) being lazy not to water the plants. DH the filial one just nodded, ok lah,ok lah. Me trying to be filial too, bluffed her ,\"Got water leh, dried up so fast huh\" But being reprimand by her ,\"Dun come and bluff lah\" and used that sickening eyes and voice. There was time i answered back \"Looking after them (2 DS) already make me upside down, where to free to do such thing\" Of cos, being reprimand by her again lor, I can only xx lor.... Feel like telling her,\" since the plants make u so busy to come over frequently to juz water, why dun just bring them back\" But DH is the filial one, i can only close one eye.....This is just minor thing, make do make me feel sick against mil.... of cos with accumulated past past incidents....

[janet88]

Luvkid:

Once my mil brought a pail of water from the fish tank (think the fish was dead cos that pail of water really fishy smelly like dun know what to describe), she gotta walk 2 streets (10-15 min walk) from her plc to our plc, just to water our plants :roll: 1 or 2 pots of plants are from her plc, she brought them over. After that fishy water, she dun bring fishy water, she came and reprimand us (DH and i) being lazy not to water the plants. DH the filial one just nodded, ok lah,ok lah. Me trying to be filial too, bluffed her ,\"Got water leh, dried up so fast huh\" But being reprimand by her ,\"Dun come and bluff lah\" and used that sickening eyes and voice. There was time i answered back \"Looking after them (2 DS) already make me upside down, where to free to do such thing\" Of cos, being reprimand by her again lor, I can only xx lor.... Feel like telling her,\" since the plants make u so busy to come over frequently to juz water, why dun just bring them back\" But DH is the filial one, i can only close one eye.....This is just minor thing, make do make me feel sick against mil.... of cos with accumulated past past incidents....

Strange, why is she bringing water from her place to your place to water plants. When hubby plays filial son, we as DIL can't say anything...I understand your situation.

When my hubby went for eye operation earlier, my parents looked after my 2 kids. That old one :x expected me to stay overnight in the hospital to accompany hubby. She asked me which hospital and I told her SGH. Guess what, she told me, 'I old already, don't know where it is'. I was so boiling mad, and told her, 'you don't know never mind. Taxi driver knows'. Sh!@, my parents looking after the kids and here she is telling cock and bull story. If she so called loves her son, then don't give that crap.

[mumma_bear]

janet_lee88:

Angelight,

For those ladies who get along well with their MILs, it's really a wonderful thing...bcos they have one triumph card on their side when couple fights.

I've been very lucky for having supportive ILs..I can even call them for advices if we have marital problems at times. But for those who have problems with their ILs, i think it would be much better if you don't live close by. It gives all of you a space to breath and it oftentimes is the best solution to avoid conflicts. I hope all your situation gets better in time, it is still nice to experience harmony between families.

[janet88]

Mumma_bear,

I wouldn’t want stay in the same estate as IL…each time I have to face the hubby’s mother, the atmosphere is rather tensed and there is no topic other than talking about the weather.
You are really indeed a lucky woman to have ILs for support for marital problems. At least they won’t side their son blindly. :x I never voice out my unhappiness with hubby bcos his mummy dearest will defend him.

[shine_fs]

minnie2004:

DesertWind:

What did my MIL says? Needless to say she was very touched but I expected it and she said to me \" You should have done this ma...!\".

haha, my MIL wud have said the same thing. don't know why all DILs are expected to be good cooks . If I do cook on mother's day, sorry I'm cooking for my own mom not you lah

:cheeky: same here I will cook for my mom, NOT you(MIL).... :celebrate:

[janet88]

If I were to cook, of course I will cook for my own mum lah. After all, MIL doesn’t believe in nutrition…everyday 打包 from downstairs. She doesn’t appreciate home-cooked meals. The stall-owners from her coffee shop downstairs know her so well esp the hair-dressing salon.

Even my grandmother who stays alone steams rice and fish for her meals. If my children were looked after by her, every meal will either be chicken rice/char siew rice or economy rice. After all, that’s what my hubby grew up eating.

[shine_fs]

Mrs Ang:

My relationship with my mil has turned sour after she played me out twice on helping to take care of my bb. I have chosen to stay far away from my work place and parent becos mil has promised to take care of future grandchildren. Who knows just 2 weeks before I finished my maternity leave, she said cannot help to take care of bb. I searched desperately all the CCC ard my area and only managed to find one 30 mins bus ride from my house. Mil has given me and DH so much problem due to her last minute decision and fickleness. When she tried the third time, my DH was the first to reject his mum \"kind\" offer to take care of bb. DH doesn't want to take the risk of redrawing bb out from CCC and lost the place if his mum played him out again. Mil got so angry and said it is easier to take care of other pple bb! I was :!: as she has only tried taking care of BB for a few days and haven't tried the nite care.


My DH is the only son with 2 still single sisters. I cannot imagine staying with such a selfish mil who don't mind putting her first 3 mth old grandchild in CCC. In additional, we don't have car so poor bb has to take bus every day. BB leave home every morning ard 7 am and reached home after 7.15 pm. My DH know that I'm still angry with his mum :x

Your story reminded me....of my MIL.....Before we married, she told me that she will not take care of bb if we have one. But once her daugther pregnant, she quickly offered to take care her bb. Frankly speaking, I was very happy cos I din even think of letting her to look after mine.

After few years, I was pregnant and my mum will be helping me to take care of my bb. Guess what my MIL told my mum...\"So pitiful, no one take care of the bb\". When I heard that I was so :x What's she trying to do......?

[shine_fs]

janet_lee88:

Mumma_bear,

I wouldn't want stay in the same estate as IL...each time I have to face the hubby's mother, the atmosphere is rather tensed and there is no topic other than talking about the weather.
You are really indeed a lucky woman to have ILs for support for marital problems. At least they won't side their son blindly. :x I never voice out my unhappiness with hubby bcos his mummy dearest will defend him.

When I was choosing the flat/estate, my MIL told us not to stay West Coast area...I was :? Why she was so concern of where we stay? Then she told us that her elder son is going to stay around that area.

So I was :x and told her off. The estate is not OWNED by your son. We will stay there and asked your son to choose other estate. Why must we give in.....SEOW!