How do I minimise the damage my SPOILT nephew has on my kids

[heyhoe]

I’d try to minimise contact.


On occassions that can’t be helped - when they questions why he can do it and they can’t. I would tell them that since we’re at their place, we need to be a good guests. I’d tell them to behave well and follow our family rules if they wish to stay on.

Otherwise, we will have to leave (with cooperation from hubby of course). Hope this helps.

[sunflower]

auntieM:

meeyah:

Imagine my toddler gal has now learnt to spit on the floor from her friends. I have been telling her not to, it is bad and illegal to spit on the floor. Sometimes she listens sometimes she would do it just to irk me. Bad things are so easily picked up...I ever asked her why don't you pick up the good traits from your friends instead of all the bad ones....She never answered me.

When my DS repeated the spitting and rolling eye, he kena 'red ang pow' and has never done it again up to now.. in my presence that is.

It a slap, but not those that send one flying against wall hor...

Juz me $0.02

My hubby shared with me before that when he was in primary school, he followed some boys and shouted some f* words during assembly to gain peer acceptance. Guess what! He didn't realise that a teacher was standing nearby and heard him. The male teacher came over gave him many tight slaps on his face and scolded him. Ha,ha...my hubby said so many lefts and rights that he felt giddy after that. But, that did the trick and the message that those were bad words that one shouldn't say was stuck in his head forever, to the extend that he never, ever even wanted to mutter those bad words, even during army days where it was common to hear people say them all the time.

[EstherTan]

[quote]
... The male teacher came over gave him many tight slaps on his face and scolded him. Ha,ha...my hubby said so many lefts and rights that he felt giddy after that. But, that did the trick and the message that those were bad words that one shouldn't say was stuck in his head forever, to the extend that he never, ever even wanted to mutter those bad words, even during army days where it was common to hear people say them all the time. [/quote]Just curious, how many parents on this forum would find this behavior acceptable (in our times) from a teacher? Whilst I'm for physical punishment when called for (THAT makes the lesson learnt unforgettable), I know many parents will make a lot of noise when their kids are punished via physical means.

[auntieM]

Don’t think any teachers dare do it now… …

[meeyah]

EstherTan:

I think we can't avoid contact with bad habits/ manners that our own kids pick up from others (my girl has recently learnt to accumulate her saliva and spit that out). I think what we can do is constant reinforcement/ reminders to what is acceptable and not acceptable behavior (now I know how my own mother got so naggy ;p)

I am glad I'm not the only parent whose kid learn to spit. Let's motivate each other to be consistent and persistent to our kids to let them know that it is wrong to spit.

[Funz]

DD tried the spitting thing once when she was about 2. She received a nice firm kuti from me on her cheek and a firm dun ever do that again and that was the end of her spitting.


DS heard my nephew saying wahlao one day and decided to test our reaction to him using that term. Both DH and I turned and asked him if he knows the meaning. He shrugs and I asked him what was he trying to convey when he used that term. He explained and I ask him if there is a better way to express himself, he came up with a few. We told him we prefer the alternatives that he gave us and hope not to hear the wah lao from him again.

DD was present then and we told the 2 of them that they will see and hear many things from many people. And if they do not understand what certain actions or certain words mean, then do not repeat them.

Now that DD and DS are 5 and 7yrs old, it is easier to explain certain things to them. When they were toddlers, it’s more challenging, but we learned to control our reactions cos the bigger the reaction, the more encouragement the child will get to repeat the ‘bad act’.

[atrecord]

I have similar problem. My P3 nephew can talk all sorts of things, and even vulgar words, and (when we are around, say in my parents’ place) my bro and sis-in-law would only just gesture to him to stop it.


Me and DW never really reprimanded him when my bro and sil are around, as we do not want to overstep what we feel is their responsibility.

During CNY this year, we (both families and my parents) all went to my granny’s place. DD (P1) and DS (K1) both greeted my granny, but my nephew found it difficult to do so as he doesn’t visit my granny much. Despite much coaxing from everyone, he still didn’t. My bro used the carrot method and promised to being him to MacDonald if only he would greet my granny, but still failed… all this while, everyone - incl DD and DS - were watching.

when my dad tried to break the awkwardness and spoke to DS, DS actually kept quiet and ignored my dad - and i promptly chided him for it.

then when we finally left, my nephew heaved a sigh of relief and said Ka Na Sai as we walked towards the lift. DS one imitated him - fluently.

DW then scolded my nephew sharply for being so rude and such a bad influence for Di Di and Mei Mei. My bro and sil were quite far behind and didn’t witness the whole incident, but heard DW scolding my nephew…

my bro and sil were expectedly unhappy with DW for scolding their kid, but our stance is that it’s extremely difficult to give our kids a good upbringing while we’re both working, so we do not want our efforts to go to waste just because of the bad influence of someone they both look up to…

i’ve not seen my nephew since then, as he would avoid going to my parents’ place even when my bro, sil go there, as well as any family gatherings…