$350k for 1 child?
-
HyperKiasu:
But western parents when they become grandparents won't take care of grandchildren like many chinese grandparents do....[/quote]Are you sure???
yes, most normal family will probably get the kids to save and earn their colleage fees. But when emphasize individualism, and freedom they tend to forget about their parents. I think that is whAt Tam is saying.tree nymph:
[quote=\"HyperKiasu\"]
i dun agree here.
most westerns start to earn a living at much earlier age than Chinese....
they emphasize individualism, independence more than we do.... -
HyperKiasu:
Yes, they usually have a big gathering once a year during Thanksgiving and/or X'mas.
i dunt agree again
i dun think westerns may never see their children again when children are grownup. even so, they won't feel too much disheartened.....
THe whole culture value system differs from ours. and they dun think there is anything wrong to spend their last days in old folks home.
only eastern feel upset about this....
The fact is many western ppl when they are getting old, they are still very active and very happy and still full of life like young kids !!
their old folks home is much better than what u have seen here !!
Are you sure they won't feel too much disheartened??
Yes, they usually think that there's nothing wrong to spend their last days in old folks home. BUT is that what they want?
I have also met sick ones, not so well-do-to ones, not in the best of heath ones, rich ones and normal ones. They try to stay active by doing gardening, doing some grocery shopping, much like what our oldies are doing here. How are you sure that they are very happy and still full of live like young kids??
I was told they were lonely and if they hope that their kids or even their grandkids can visit them more often. If you go to Northern Europe, you will see that nowadays youngers stay with the parents longer and longer and they move out only if they need to work in another city or if they got married.
Fillial Piety is not about numbers, that is right. Its the way you express and the thoughts and care you show to your parents. I can only say not to take our parents for granted and really have to show our appreciation for what they have done for us when they are alive. Don't take it for granted that the old folks like to stay in old folks home. The old folks I visited certainly do not not think so!
子欲养而亲不在。 don't live in regrets. -
PIL chose not to live with us....but we contintue giving them allowance...
actually what i want to say is:
It is a blessing to live with with parents...
dun take it for granted that old parents are obliged to take care of kids....
Yes i have seen enough of cases:
1) one neighbour even never hire full time / partime maid.... their parents (70yrs) work like their maid in their house for more than 10 yrs....
2) one friend whose parents also take care of the two kids from births for the past 6 yrs.... they hired one maid for only a few month in the past history...
3) one friend whose parents can't help them, friend has to resign becoz of maid problem....
4) and ex-collegue who resigned due to same issue....
5) one ex-company's consultant who retired and spent all his saving traveeling with his wife enjoying retiree's desired life.... visited his grandchildren occassionally...
also hear-say more similar cases....
the young couple in 1)2) are doing very well in their career....
the young couple in 3)4) are struggling financially due to the opportunity cost of a stayathome mum....
can the allowance compensate what if 1)2) were put in situation like 3) 4).....?
in addition, i doubt those parents who received allowance will spend the money... they will save keep and give back... that is love....
in chinese, this is 一代欠一代, 上代欠下代
perhaps u hate i use the word \"nothing\" of (giving allowance is nothing)...nvm lah...
furthermore, i believe many mother's love for children are selfless and unconditional.....many example in the media.... -
HyperKiasu:
5 cases and that is a lot???PIL chose not to live with us....but we contintue giving them allowance...
actually what i want to say is:
It is a blessing to live with with parents...
dun take it for granted that old parents are obliged to take care of kids....
Yes i have seen enough of cases:
1) one neighbour even never hire full time / partime maid.... their parents (70yrs) work like their maid in their house for more than 10 yrs....
2) one friend whose parents also take care of the two kids from births for the past 6 yrs.... they hired one maid for only a few month in the past history...
3) one friend whose parents can't help them, friend has to resign becoz of maid problem....
4) and ex-collegue who resigned due to same issue....
5) one ex-company's consultant who retired and spent all his saving traveeling with his wife enjoying retiree's desired life.... visited his grandchildren occassionally...
also hear-say more similar cases....
the young couple in 1)2) are doing very well in their career....
the young couple in 3)4) are struggling financially due to the opportunity cost of a stayathome mum....
can the allowance compensate what if 1)2) were put in situation like 3) 4).....?
in addition, i doubt those parents who received allowance will spend the money... they will save keep and give back... that is love....
in chinese, this is 一代欠一代
perhaps u hate i use the word \"nothing\" of (giving allowance is nothing)...
furthermore, i believe many mother's love for children are selfless and unconditional.....many example in the media....
have you seen the flip side of young couples staying with parents or parents in law? Then how are these couple going to be independent? And then after all the parents had been through working and slogging first for them and them for their kids, send them to old folks home and you think this is right? -
tree nymph:
alamak, my dear tree, how am i supposed to list all i know....and i am also not supposed to remember all i know right?
5 cases and that is a lot???HyperKiasu:
PIL chose not to live with us....but we contintue giving them allowance...
actually what i want to say is:
It is a blessing to live with with parents...
dun take it for granted that old parents are obliged to take care of kids....
Yes i have seen enough of cases:
1) one neighbour even never hire full time / partime maid.... their parents (70yrs) work like their maid in their house for more than 10 yrs....
2) one friend whose parents also take care of the two kids from births for the past 6 yrs.... they hired one maid for only a few month in the past history...
3) one friend whose parents can't help them, friend has to resign becoz of maid problem....
4) and ex-collegue who resigned due to same issue....
5) one ex-company's consultant who retired and spent all his saving traveeling with his wife enjoying retiree's desired life.... visited his grandchildren occassionally...
also hear-say more similar cases....
the young couple in 1)2) are doing very well in their career....
the young couple in 3)4) are struggling financially due to the opportunity cost of a stayathome mum....
can the allowance compensate what if 1)2) were put in situation like 3) 4).....?
in addition, i doubt those parents who received allowance will spend the money... they will save keep and give back... that is love....
in chinese, this is 一代欠一代
perhaps u hate i use the word \"nothing\" of (giving allowance is nothing)...
furthermore, i believe many mother's love for children are selfless and unconditional.....many example in the media....
have you seen the flip side of young couples staying with parents or parents in law? Then how are these couple going to be independent? And then after all the parents had been through working and slogging first for them and them for their kids, send them to old folks home and you think this is right?
to list 5 is enough lah not exclusive one lah....
i condemn those 忘恩负衣, i already post two trees previously.....that is a very basic thing to be 孝 for our chinese lah....
my point is : becoz tamarind say indenpence will lead to child leaving parents which i strongly disagree... that simple lah.... -
tree nymph:
then living with young couple makes them happy?
Yes, they usually have a big gathering once a year during Thanksgiving and/or X'mas.
Are you sure they won't feel too much disheartened??
so many in-law problem can be solved?? -
okok, point taken. But I don't think Tam say Independence is a bad thing or led the kids to be ingrate to their parents.
But in your earlier posting, where you think that staying with parents or parents-in-law has MORE to benefit for us, then i suggest you rethink about it. maybe you can talk to Jedamum, Mathsparks or even Buds to list a few...
And to think like that, that parents or PIL can help to look after and take care of kids... This is not what i will tell my kids what fillial piety is about lor... I don't even think that is fillial piety, i think that this is making use of parents if the couple think along this line. -
HyperKiasu:
Nope, they are not staying with the young couple. all they wish is for the kids and their grandkids to visit them more often.
then living with young couple makes them happy?tree nymph:
Yes, they usually have a big gathering once a year during Thanksgiving and/or X'mas.
Are you sure they won't feel too much disheartened??
so many in-law problem can be solved??
Tell you, i also know of real life people who doesn't even go back to see their parents at all. they didn't even bother to 见父母最后一面, let alone go for the funeral.
how can this be fillial? so what they send $$$ back? I think the parents wants to see them more... -
tree nymph:
hey dear tree,okok, point taken. But in your earlier posting, where you think that staying with parents or parents-in-law has MORE to benefit for us, then i suggest you rethink about it. maybe you can talk to Jedamum, Mathsparks or even Buds to list a few...
And to think like that, that parents or PIL can help to look after and take care of kids... This is not what i will tell my kids what fillial piety is about lor... I don't even think that is fillial piety, i think that this is making use of parents if the couple think along this line.
most of time wife have problem with IL
Husband have very few problem with IL
from what i observe...
wat u think?
i already said in my post that if there is no IL problem, parents benefit us more than they benefit from us if they live with us, right? -
buds:
Tam darling, i keep ALL receipts in my BIG book since the first time they enrolled in kindy. :evil: How? Track secure anot? :lol:
No one has a right to criticize others cos we all have our own way of doing
things especially when it comes to raising our children. :hugs:
Children SHOULD NEVER take things for granted. That's definitely a start.
That's why before the girls sleep each night, i remind them to count their
blessings. This way they reflect and learn to appreciate even the littlest
things in life. And... the simplest things in life CAN be rewarding more
than we know it.mumwgals:
:celebrate:Hey buds, me too keep the receipts.
Not exactly to calculate and demand pay back :lol:, but for reminiscence
factor... when we look back into those days when the kiddies were
younger.
I don't think i'd see that much money in my lifetime (350k) in one shot. Perhaps gradual spending on the children may amount to that. I just find
all of us will work it out the way we can, within our own comfort zone
of earnings, spending and savings. After all we don't have the same jobs
& the same salary scale so there will be a difference for sure on how much
exactly we will or what we have used for each child.
While some may have the $ saved upfront, others may have gradual
savings. Also to consider, some households have dual income & others
like mine have only one sole breadwinner who even takes care of his
parents. It may take us longer to achieve a said amount say... 350k in
this instance.
It doesn't make anyone of us a less worthy parent if we have the 350k
(or more) OR NOT; upfront prior to having children much less be seen
as irresponsible ones... and neither does it mean we love our children
less as compared to others who may be able to afford.
Some families may not see that kind of money in their lifetime but i'm
sure we ALL do the best we can for our family and our children to the
furthest extent of their capabilities... to the furthest they can go in
education. My daddie made sure i earned my own keep right after
secondary school and i can never thank him enough for allowing me
to learn how to be independent... to work, study and still contribute to
both parents. Same goes for hubs.
mumwgals:
Sounds like my girls too, mumwgals. :hi5:And I did exactly the same, ask my girls to count their blessing. I did not take note when did it actually started but my girls will thank my hb and me after each meal and every outing we have when we are on our way home and sometimes when they say goodnite to us, they will thank us again for the great day.
They'd thank us before outing, during outing and after outing. :love:
The fact that they appreciate the time and expense taken to bring them
out is special to them. Being able to spend family time together is special
to them. It's good that children learn to appreciate and reflect on things
they're fortunate to have, as blessings.
In fact, each day waking up alive is a blessing in its own fact.
Being healthy is a blessing.. having food on the table is a blessing.. being
together as a family is a blessing. Not just the physical stuff. Even the
almost basic needs of life that we can get are blessings in its own right.
My girls have had experience working with underprivileged and children
coming from dysfunctional families. They feel it is their blessing to even
get to go to sch like other children.. They feel it is their blessing to even
get at least one filling meal a day.. They feel it is a blessing that their
caregiver does not come home and beat them to death.
For these children, we make it a point to give our donations to them in the
form of food, toys, clothes and stationery for them each year nearing the
festivities. If we have more to give including from well-meaning friends,
we will also give as and when all the stuff are collected. Some live with
only grandparents cos both parents in prison. The grandparents can barely
fend for themselves and from what we observe, these young children turn
out to be the ones having to care for the elderly as well. A few are victims
of abuse... we can see bruises on them.. Most cannot afford basic 3 meals
a day. Mebbe only once a day. They have like 4 to 6 siblings. Most attend
kindy on highly subsidised rates and given free snack in kindy. These
children are extremely street smart though & are also highly protective of
their loved ones.
These families i am sure will not see a day ever even close to 35k, what
more 350k.
They are good kids.. no kids are born bad. It's just that
we are more fortunate in more ways than one when compared to them..
Providing money alone is not enough to make a child turn out right. Like
ksi once said, it takes a village to raise a child.
350k or not, the value
doesn't foretell the exact amount enough to raise a child right.
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