In-law problems?
-
Hi all,
Buds, you really steady! I read from start and really hats of to your level of patience!!
I don't stay with my PIL but the few short stays with MIL (each 3 - 4weeks) enough to kill me leow! So I occasionally tell my DH thank goodness!!
...to forgive & forget,,, maybe forgive possible but forget - no way!!
Most of my 'suffering' happen during my 2 confinements.. maybe that is the worst time to irritate a woman!!
During 1st confinement, MIL kept telling me not to breastfeed also, not filling for baby and said not good - got alot of air (expressed milk). Worst was when she make my baby drink 'fu' (chinese burn the prayer paper) water and put duno what chinese powder in my newborn mouth la!! :x Somethings I just cannot tolerate! Althou I also was taught not to answer back to elders but this I see where can tahan. So I tried to confront her nicely la... she said it is nothing one, even not sick can eat, all her children and grandchildren also eat... AGGHHHHHH!!! :stupid: I just tell her no, in my family never take this thing one, duno what it is and the effect for newborn. She not happy, for a few days throw temper, everyday dun eat dinner until my husband comeback and then when my husband 'question' me infront of her, then she only suang and eat!!! I tell u, I was so damn mad!!
When I was preggie with DD2, we asked her to stay at our place for a few months to help us to monitor a new maid once DD2 born. She plainly refused. Begged for months. Said she need to help take care of her eldest son's kids! It was a stupid excuse, they had a very experienced maid who has been with them for 6 years and the kids are all quite big already, somemore my SIL not working!! I had to leave with the guilt of having my newborn DD2 stay with new maid everyday for the rest of my life
Just after I gave birth to DD2, we called MIL. She said on the phone,\"har, really ah, really daughter ah!!! why like that??\" :x Wah*** *%#@! She came over to stay again during 2nd confinement, not to help, just keep my mum (doing my confinement for me) 'company'!
In less than a week she ask me to start thinking abt #3!! Must get a son!! :!: I said, not so easy, no one to look after (me FTWM), $$$ le, told her now not so easy need to be $$$ sound to provide for their future. She didn't like all my 'excuses' Said she had 6 kids all ok what don't need to think so far! Worst she said: I dun talk to you abt it, I talk to my son!! I really lost my cool!!
I asked her: She pay for expenses? She can guarantee #3 is boy? If not boy how? :stupid: Somemore go downstairs coffeeshop tell the aunties downstairs my DIL (staying which block, which unit) have no milk!
Ever since DD2, I don't 'love' my MIL like before.. I feel since she does not love my kids like her other grandchildren.. I guess I am still very sore abt her not willing to watch on the maid incident.. forget...I think never!! -
I need to get this off my chest. Just had a chat a friend, J and she is going nuts with her ILs.
She just had a bb boy after 6 yrs of hard work, she had some hormonal problem and hubs has low sperm count. So the bb is super duper precious to the whole family, especially huds and her are only child.
Her ILs are preventing her from breastfeeding!!! They said this: J's health not too good, so her milk quality wouldn't be good. The family can very well afford the best milk available for the grandson... :x :siao:
J has to resort to breastfeeding only during night feeds... ILs moved in with them after her delivery, she had welcome the idea since her mom is unable to help her due to poor health. MIL will do all the feedings and FIL will carry bb all the time, rocking him. She is not really allowed to carry the bb, they told her to just enjoy her confinement. What do they mean \"enjoy her confinement\"??!! They are disallowing her to bond with her son. :rant:
They would behave quite differently when their son is home, which makes it difficult for J to convince hubs of their true colours.
I told her to tahan till end of confinement and pay for a holiday to get the ILs out of their house as a way of thanking them...
(Me :evil: rite...)
Anyone experience this??? -
hi MLR,
I feel many old folks don’t quite comprehend the power of breastmilk. I was only able to express quite little milk at first - the supply only really came in the 2nd month. my MIL was constantly worried about starving my son (first one) until she saw him growing fat and healthy. Please tell your friend to persist on feeding the baby - you don’t know how much baby is drinking, as long as he is not cranky, he’s having enough.
As a nurse told me, human milk is for children, cow’s milk is for calf.
I think it’s not too healthy if the mum cannot tahan. during confinement, women are prone to depression. If her hubby is reasonable guy, then have her talk to him privately.
But all the same, she should take care of herself during confinement. If it’s a losing war, just give up and concentrate on getting stronger for her child. -
Hi hquek
Thanks for your concern. Shes quite a tough chick (i mean hen), she is hanging in there, just called me up during lunch time to rant. Also she doesn't want her hubs to be between hard rock and and drop cliff.
Shes going to continue breastfeeding bb during nite and also secretly expressing milk to store for giving bb full breastmilk after the ILs goes back home. Luckily IL doesn't goes into the MB, where she is keeping all the equipment. She managed to convienced hubs to smuggle them. She is hving a very ready supply since 2nd day of delivery, so she is keeping her stash in freezer bags. Just that her bar fridge in the MB is pretty full, so she has to find a way to smuggle stash out to keep frozen somewhere else.
I m planning a visit these couple of days with my breastfed boy to show them the power of breastmilk. Also to help smuggle some stock tostore in my freezer. :celebrate: -
That's why I got a confinement nanny in. I agree it's very hard to argue with one's MIL, don't need this extra stress during confinement. Just bite the bullet and pay...peace in the family - money cannot buy . But my confinement nanny also tried to push for formula feeds, told me tales of babies starving on breastmilk until get blood in stools etc. I was already struggling to breastfeed for the first time, so such remarks were really discouraging.
Luckily my older sister visited me one day and she is really an advocate for breastfeeding - breastfed her child till 4 years old! She told the confinement nanny off for telling such tales and that was that. The lady did not say a word against breastfeeding from then on.
Just have to try to tell the MIL nicely not to INTERFERE! Preferably get the hubby to do it ... don't be the bad guy. They'll forgive their son, but not the DIL
MLR, you're such a great friend
Do tell your pal to keep pumping to keep up the milk supply. But it's so pitiful to have to do this secretly. Hope that she and her hubby can get MIL's understanding. -
pea:
They'll forgive their son, but not the DIL
Agree with both hands up!
Once, DH told MIL that we will not be taking a medicated powder which she introduced for our coughs. And he explained the reason to her even, told her that the powder is for heaty type of cough, not for those with phelgms (it was even indicated in bold on the footnote of the medicine bottle).
DH went away to toilet. Immediately, MIL said why I so stubborn, don't want to take the medicine. So now my cough is like that.
DH came back, she like sit down there and watch TV like nothing happened. Me already :x -
winth:
My older sister, the family sage, told me and my younger sister this : Be blind and deaf and dumb when MIL try to irritate you. Try not to talk back, keep cool. Try not to take it too personally (easier said than done though)pea:
They'll forgive their son, but not the DIL
Agree with both hands up!
Once, DH told MIL that we will not be taking a medicated powder which she introduced for our coughs. And he explained the reason to her even, told her that the powder is for heaty type of cough, not for those with phelgms (it was even indicated in bold on the footnote of the medicine bottle).
DH went away to toilet. Immediately, MIL said why I so stubborn, don't want to take the medicine. So now my cough is like that.
DH came back, she like sit down there and watch TV like nothing happened. Me already :x
Any issues, get hubby to talk to her. It's usually more effective. And let her think that the idea comes from her son, not from you.
Your MIL sounds like she likes to cho-cho you, to get a reaction from you. Maybe if you stay cool and reply in a humorous way, like a friendly conversation, she will be stunned! And she may stop these remarks because no fun, you don't get rattled. :lol: -
pea:
Thats what friends are for. Hate it that she went thru so much (gave up her high paying but very stressful job, fertility treatment with jabs every day and night for past 4 yrs, all the heartpains every month when menses comes, etc) to conceive and finally have a baby, and now the ILs treat her like that. I ESPECIALLY can't take the part about telling J that her milk is inferior quality! :x
MLR, you're such a great friend Do tell your pal to keep pumping to keep up the milk supply. But it's so pitiful to have to do this secretly. Hope that she and her hubby can get MIL's understanding.
During the past 4 yrs of trying and many months of failures, they even hint that maybe should get their son a woman who is willing to bear him a son without no strings attached and just pay her off.... Also, after J got preg they ever mentioned that if child is abnormal due to J's age and thus a high risk pregnancy, they will not want that grandchild.
Despite all these, J just ignore their sick remarks and persisted. Her hubs is a very understanding man, he knows that his parents are mean and he always try to make up by being very good to J's mom (she lost her dad when she was a teenager).
If it were me, I would hv raise hell :x :rant: . Take my hat off to J :salute: -
MLR:
...During the past 4 yrs of trying and many months of failures, they even hint that maybe should get their son a woman who is willing to bear him a son without no strings attached and just pay her off.... Also, after J got preg they ever mentioned that if child is abnormal due to J's age and thus a high risk pregnancy, they will not want that grandchild...
This is probably the worst thing I have heard so far regarding daughter-in-law abuse. It is difficult to understand why it is still happening in this age and time. Has the human race not progressed in the last 100 years? Or perhaps basic human decency takes a lot more time to evolve. -
In J case, i guess its love transcends all. She has been with hubs since JC days, mmmm.... that means they hv been together for 20 yrs :!: . Since it survived 2 yrs of army and another 3 yrs of long distance relationship (hubs went for overseas studies) so their bond is strong.
She is the most optimistic person I know. So when she calls me up to rant, it has to be bad. I will be visiting her today in the late afternoon unannounced to see what are the 2 old hags doing to her.
Will update after visit. Thanks for all the kind words on her behalf....
:celebrate:
Hello! It looks like you're interested in this conversation, but you don't have an account yet.
Getting fed up of having to scroll through the same posts each visit? When you register for an account, you'll always come back to exactly where you were before, and choose to be notified of new replies (either via email, or push notification). You'll also be able to save bookmarks and upvote posts to show your appreciation to other community members.
With your input, this post could be even better 💗
Register Login