Me Time!
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lee_yl\" post_id=\"2092239\" time=\"1671157102\" user_id=\"17023:
Jumping in here - I think 10-12 yo kids can have altruistic motives for studying and achieving. It doesn't mean that more immediate outcomes, like getting into a particular school, are not motivating. I think we do a disservice to children to think that they are not able to have bigger goals than just what affects them directly. But if they are taught to think more broadly and for others, they will be less disturbed by not achieving a specific goal.
You have 佛性 but as mere mortals we are usually motivated by less lofty factors.
If you tell a PSLE kid, “you need to do well in your studies so next time you can be a 有用的人，to benefit the society and serve the country!”, think a 10yo or 12yo can understand and relate to that? What you have written sounds great on paper but how many kids can be motivated by acquiring this type of 心态？Or is it easier to motivate kids to work hard by telling them if they do well in PSLE, they can get into their dream school as the school has the coding/robotics CCA they like?
Honestly, I do not think a lot of teens are able to use as a key motivation factor the desire to climb corporate ladder to maintain a certain lifestyle to do well in exams.
Don’t mind me saying, the way you put it, it reminds me of my mother. My mum pushed me to study hard, bought assessment books for me and sent me to tuition, but now she asks me not to stress my kids to study hard. This is very typical of a grandparent’s mindset.
I guess a lot depends on the parents - if a child has been exposed to more than just his own desires, and shown how he can use his own desires and interests for the good of society, they can be motivated by a combination of these factors. If parents use lifestyle and material success for the individual as the main aim, I suppose that's what kids will imbibe. Children will learn what their parents to model and teach, even if it is goes against the general thinking of that school, that social circle or even society at large.
\"Study hard\" means so many different things to different people - what \"hard\" to me is probably quite relaxed to some others, and vice versa. -
slmkhoo\" post_id=\"2092251\" time=\"1671162368\" user_id=\"28674:
Definitely there are 10-12yo kids with altruistic motives, but are they the majority or rare few? The countries I can think of with many 10-12yo kids with thoughts of serving the nation are China and North Korea. Why Singaporeans are more practical? Maybe because our ministers who really 为国为民 are the most highly paid the world.
Jumping in here - I think 10-12 yo kids can have altruistic motives for studying and achieving. It doesn't mean that more immediate outcomes, like getting into a particular school, are not motivating. I think we do a disservice to children to think that they are not able to have bigger goals than just what affects them directly. But if they are taught to think more broadly and for others, they will be less disturbed by not achieving a specific goal.
I guess a lot depends on the parents - if a child has been exposed to more than just his own desires, and shown how he can use his own desires and interests for the good of society, they can be motivated by a combination of these factors. If parents use lifestyle and material success for the individual as the main aim, I suppose that's what kids will imbibe. Children will learn what their parents to model and teach, even if it is goes against the general thinking of that school, that social circle or even society at large.
\"Study hard\" means so many different things to different people - what \"hard\" to me is probably quite relaxed to some others, and vice versa.
On paper, it looks nice that children have some aspirations, some ideas on what they want to do. Sometime back, I shared that my DD2 wanted to be a NTUC cashier in order to have more free time to do her own things. Many parents responded by saying that I need to teach her to be practical about things!! -
Liew Nga Wing\" post_id=\"2092245\" time=\"1671160001\" user_id=\"195250:[quote=\"Liew Nga Wing\" post_id=2092245 time=1671160001 user_id=195250]
Regarding grassroot leaders, I was one for few years. On the 1st day I went down to register myself as a volunteer, the staff asked me, “What is your motive?” I was taken aback. Then the staff continued, “everyone joins grassroots has a motive. Is it for P1 Registration or you need 2 car park lots?”
I and my DH have never pushed DS to study hard and force him to tuition. DS was interested in repairing electrical items when he was small and therefore he is now an Electrical Engineer.
How could you just jump to the conclusion that a 10 or 12 years old could not understand the important of benefit and serve his/her own country? If their parents are grassroots leaders and always doing volunteer work during weekend, then their kids may have the aspiration of serving the country.[/quote]
Altruism is real and ideal but it would be hard to depend solely on it as a motivation factor -
lee_yl\" post_id=\"2092258\" time=\"1671167064\" user_id=\"17023:
Besides these two common motives,
Regarding grassroot leaders, I was one for few years. On the 1st day I went down to register myself as a volunteer, the staff asked me, “What is your motive?” I was taken aback. Then the staff continued, “everyone joins grassroots has a motive. Is it for P1 Registration or you need 2 car park lots?”
Altruism is real and ideal but it would be hard to depend solely on it as a motivation factor
(P1 registration + extra car park lot),
there are some other motives, too. -
lee_yl\" post_id=\"2092258\" time=\"1671167064\" user_id=\"17023:
我们一起从窗户往外看，为什么您看到的是地上的泥土, 我看到的却是天上的星星. :scratchhead:
Regarding grassroot leaders, I was one for few years. On the 1st day I went down to register myself as a volunteer, the staff asked me, “What is your motive?” I was taken aback. Then the staff continued, “everyone joins grassroots has a motive. Is it for P1 Registration or you need 2 car park lots?”
Altruism is real and ideal but it would be hard to depend solely on it as a motivation factor -
Liew Nga Wing\" post_id=\"2092261\" time=\"1671168710\" user_id=\"195250:[quote=\"Liew Nga Wing\" post_id=2092261 time=1671168710 user_id=195250]
That’s diversity and having these different perspectives are valuable. We don’t wish to be in an echo chamber
我们一起从窗户往外看，为什么您看到的是地上的泥土, 我看到的却是天上的星星. :scratchhead:[/quote]
Maybe, one day after my kids have graduated, and I become a Kiasu Grandparent, I may ask parents who are still inside the rat race, to look beyond the soil to see stars…. -
Sometimes we may just miss out what the children think. You think I think…all are adults’ thinking?
Different people got different lifestyle preference. Some just want to be ping ping dan dan but that to some people may be too boring? We talk, listen…digest and see what best to change or adopt to our ownways of doing things… but don’t need other people to follow mah…what we think & do are suited most to ourselves but we got to give allowance to other people, it may not 100% suitable but let them adjust to their own. Yup I think that is diversity ba…not everyone the same and that makes us all a unique person. -
MrsKiasu\" post_id=\"2092274\" time=\"1671173657\" user_id=\"43981:
MKS,
Sometimes we may just miss out what the children think. You think I think..all are adults' thinking?
Different people got different lifestyle preference. Some just want to be ping ping dan dan but that to some people may be too boring? We talk, listen..digest and see what best to change or adopt to our ownways of doing things.. but don't need other people to follow mah..what we think & do are suited most to ourselves but we got to give allowance to other people, it may not 100% suitable but let them adjust to their own. Yup I think that is diversity ba..not everyone the same and that makes us all a unique person.
You’re not only wise but mature in the way u veer towards.
As parents we can provide, we can guide, but we try not to meddle & certainly not force our kids in a path they’re not keen for. Afterall, they need to live in a world based on the dynamics of their time. We used to live a/o laptop nor hp & our lives are less stressful albeit our parents wld want us to commit effort & apply ourselves well in studies as a ticket to a better life.
Different kids mature at different time & their growth spurts May be delayed & yet, some succeeded well w/o that paper quali.
But what is success? A crooked successful businessman owning towers & real estates by misleading others or a teacher who guided many young minds to discover lots of interesting things in life and use such knowledge to better others’ life?
DS was really a handful when young & I had to find ways (literally many ways to engage him). I ensure that he uses the condo pool to swim & got to know many foreign kids incl some Russian little girls! I’ve to ensure he learn tennis & organise tennis play dates. Just need to tire him in constructive ways.
When he gets very creative to avoid tasks or obedience, I had to be firm in creative ways too (not directly saying no to him but yet get him to comply with what is impt) before he earns his ‘desires’. Today, he’s very independent, takes initiative in many things & helpful in many ways as I hear fr every teacher & church leaders. He s’times jokes & says many doctors will be replaced by AI & only sit with elderlies to treat them.
He loves taking pics with his toy camera when a toddler until we got him an instant camera. Now, he’s very active in serving the church in media taking video of services during last 2-3 yrs during covid. He’s enjoying photography/video recording for young couples’ wedding memories & always meet interesting ppl amongst guests.
Now, I still can’t be totally hands-off - not to tell him to study hard nor dictate his choice for his future. But I’ve to watch him in case he over-commits himself. His days (even during this sch holidays) are typically full!
He was out since morning for his IB final project, then lunch with peers before going for fabrication of his proj materials & a run at sch field before heading for Church Christmas outreach photography.
I s’times hope he doesn’t use photography as a career but I’m thankful he keeps a disciplined regime but kept active. So long as he’s not a loafer or wants to be part of the 坦平 generation. -
lee_yl\" post_id=\"2092257\" time=\"1671166774\" user_id=\"17023:
I know many families from western countries whose kids are altruistic in outlook, partly/mainly? because their parents are. So I think if Singaporean kids are not, it is saying something about their parents, and our society. Singaporeans may be more practical, but also more self-centred. You cite our ministers (and top civil servants too); yes, let's call a spade a spade - the way they are remunerated is a bad example for our kids! I won't go into arguments about why and how, but that's my view.
Definitely there are 10-12yo kids with altruistic motives, but are they the majority or rare few? The countries I can think of with many 10-12yo kids with thoughts of serving the nation are China and North Korea. Why Singaporeans are more practical? Maybe because our ministers who really 为国为民 are the most highly paid the world.
On paper, it looks nice that children have some aspirations, some ideas on what they want to do. Sometime back, I shared that my DD2 wanted to be a NTUC cashier in order to have more free time to do her own things. Many parents responded by saying that I need to teach her to be practical about things!!
If a child is able to do better but chooses not to try harder, as a parent, I would try to inculcate the habits of working harder. Not just for 'practical' reasons, but because we believe that diligence and effort builds good character. And in the end, people of good character who work well at what they do will benefit society as long as they haven't learned to be selfish and materialistic. But if a child's ability is limited, then there should be no shame (for them or their parents) in their contributing to society by doing whatever they can do best.
Please don't misinterpret what I'm saying - I do not believe in encouraging kids to work less hard and aim for low-paid jobs. But I believe that aiming for high-paying jobs for pay and status alone is not something to be encouraged.
Edited to add: Kids in China who say they want to serve the nation - well, some genuinely mean it, but the vast majority have just learnt so say the \"right\" things! -
lee_yl\" post_id=\"2092272\" time=\"1671172359\" user_id=\"17023:
We may have different views but I am not a Grand mother yet.....I am still young (Both body and mind).
That’s diversity and having these different perspectives are valuable. We don’t wish to be in an echo chamber
Maybe, one day after my kids have graduated, and I become a Kiasu Grandparent, I may ask parents who are still inside the rat race, to look beyond the soil to see stars….
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