In-law problems?

[buds]

MLR:

Quick update about my friend J....


During my visit (about 40 mins), her ILs treat her very nicely, getting her tonic soup served to her and told me how thankful they r to her for bearing them a grandson that they have been praying for.... I tried to asked J about breast feeding infront of ILs, and they said that it would be too tiring for her and nowadays formula are just as good a breastmilk... They even thank me for visiting J and lucky for J to hv such caring friend like me, etc....such hypocrites .

J seems prety ok for now, just taking it easy.... in preparation for her nite operations :evil:
I managed to smuggle about 10 packs of her froxen milk home to store in my freezer, cold store service, anyone ....... HAHAHA

Suweeet!

I'd do the same had it been my friend.
She's one tough cookie and you're one
great friend.

Here's to ya!
:celebrate:

[MLR]

Hiya buds,


Thank you. I m getting use to your lovely compliments. Like u say, its just wat a friend can do....

:celebrate:

[buds]

Don't mention it.

Good to have more
friends.... than adversaries.
:lol:

Anyways, nice to be of your
acquaintance, MLR. And btw
from our postings here, i'm
thinking you are more to ripe
than old. Having a person
come from mixed marriage
usually results in a child with
broader horizons and more
open minded. Your child will
benefit from both you and hubs
culture..

I gotta go send kiddie for CCA.
Chat agn soon. Chowz!
Cheerios.
:celebrate:

[thebusybee]

re PILs....


I'm considered lucky to meet a good MIL (in 70s), considered her a more domineering person - same as DH, while me the opposite. If 2 strong characters meet, definitely will have conflicts

What I can derived from personal experience is that - If you grow up in extended family (3 Gen with aunts /uncles visiting often), you most likely learned from your mums how to handle these people. To think that some of our MILs had gone thru worst in-law issues, we're much luckier.

buds,
I admired your tolerance, perseverance and courage. We always wished things in life are smooth and I believe if things are too easy in life, one won't appreciate what we have.

Above are views from someone brought up with traditional values.... I'm old school..

Recently learn about 'DiZiGui' 弟子規- Standards for being a good student & child,
then came to realized those are the values we learn from our elders. I'm sure to pass these good values/practice on to my child/ren.

You can get a copy from Popular $6.90, it has pinyin & simple explanation in Chinese. I do have a pdf copy with detailed explanation in Eng, translated by guess what - a college in Australia! Can PM me if anyone interested.

FYI : I co-habit with then bf & family, sort of know PILs' characters & habits before got married and been staying under same roof for nearly 10 years. Because of the way I brought up, I'd like my children to help take care of their GPs when they are older coz i really missed my late grandma and her involvement during my childhood days...

[buds]

thebusybee:

buds,
I admired your tolerance, perseverance and courage. We always wished things in life are smooth and I believe if things are too easy in life, one won't appreciate what we have.

Above are views from someone brought up with traditional values....
I'm old school...

Yeah. Challenges before victory matures us in the long run and its a more
deservingly satisfying end relationship. Having said that not all turn out
with the silver lining eventually..

[pinkmeru76]

[Moderator's note: Topics merged.]


My daughter is currently 16mths, i am planing to send her to MMI tampines for a full day programme. I have been staying with my in laws ever since i got married. My mother has been taking care of my daughter after my 3mths leave till i return from work. She does not allow me to bring my daughter out without her around. Thus my daughter stays at home everyday except sat the whole family will out together.

I am sending my daughter into childcare cos she watches tv(taiwanise drama mainly) at home everyday. And she is able to enter N1 next Jan.
And i want her to join a mth playgrp before she enters N!.

However, my mother in law have e wrong feeling that i do not want her to look after my daughter. Even after i try to explain the suitation with her. She just continue to slam doors n showwing me a black face.
I am still working as a receptionst 5 n half days a week.

[heutistmeintag]

pinkmeru76:

[Moderator's note: Topics merged.]


My daughter is currently 16mths, i am planing to send her to MMI tampines for a full day programme. I have been staying with my in laws ever since i got married. My mother has been taking care of my daughter after my 3mths leave till i return from work. She does not allow me to bring my daughter out without her around. Thus my daughter stays at home everyday except sat the whole family will out together.

I am sending my daughter into childcare cos she watches tv(taiwanise drama mainly) at home everyday. And she is able to enter N1 next Jan.
And i want her to join a mth playgrp before she enters N!.

However, my mother in law have e wrong feeling that i do not want her to look after my daughter. Even after i try to explain the suitation with her. She just continue to slam doors n showwing me a black face.
I am still working as a receptionst 5 n half days a week.

hi Pinkmeru76, firstly I am a dad. For controversial issues, I would be the one who broach the subjects with my parents and I manage their expectations etc. My wife stays out of it to avoid potential conflicts. So far, we still have conflicts but I am sure minimized by reducing the opportunities for controversial discussions.

So, you should consider letting your hubby handle some of these issues. Just my 2 cts worth.

[vfong1]

pinkmeru76:

[Moderator's note: Topics merged.]


My daughter is currently 16mths, i am planing to send her to MMI tampines for a full day programme. I have been staying with my in laws ever since i got married. My mother has been taking care of my daughter after my 3mths leave till i return from work. She does not allow me to bring my daughter out without her around. Thus my daughter stays at home everyday except sat the whole family will out together.

I am sending my daughter into childcare cos she watches tv(taiwanise drama mainly) at home everyday. And she is able to enter N1 next Jan.
And i want her to join a mth playgrp before she enters N!.

However, my mother in law have e wrong feeling that i do not want her to look after my daughter. Even after i try to explain the suitation with her. She just continue to slam doors n showwing me a black face.
I am still working as a receptionst 5 n half days a week.

Maybe can send her to the 3 hrs playgroup instead of childcare? At least she can bring her to school rather than whole day with the childcare?

[MLR]

pinkmeru76:

[Moderator's note: Topics merged.]

However, my mother in law have e wrong feeling that i do not want her to look after my daughter. Even after i try to explain the suitation with her. She just continue to slam doors n showwing me a black face.
I am still working as a receptionst 5 n half days a week.

Hiya

May i suggest that you hv MIL send DD to a 2-3 hrs programme initially, before going full day. Involve her in going to check out the various centres/locations, letting her feel that she is part of the decision making process, instead of just announcing to her that from this date on, DD is going to be out of her care. This will help MIL with her separation anxiety, since she has been taking care of DD since birth. My mom underwent the same situation with my nephew.

When my nephew started kindergarten nearer to his own home, my sis decided to let him attend the childcare too. My mom didn't talk to my sis for 3 months, said things like \"Oh, i m not needed anymore\" \"When he grows up, he won't even recognise me on the street\" \"Whos better to take care of children than grandma\", etc. Now, she is glad that 9yo nephew is independent and a very self-disciplined student/person.

Due to that experience, I didn't let her look after my boy, instead he went to infant care near to her place, so she can be stand-by incase of illness, centre closures, etc. I told her that since gov't give so much subsidies, its a waste not to utilise it.

Be patience with MIL, she just love granddaughter very much, so shes a little upset. Rope in your hubby to help in explaining the situation too. Assure her that DD is getting the best of both worlds, where she attends cc to learn/play/socialise which grandma has limited resources in these areas and when she comes home she gets special care from grandma. :love:

Hope this helps.... don't feel despair.

:celebrate:

[schellen]

insider:

When dealing with in laws, feel sometimes have to speak some white lies such as coz you hv heard if your child go to that school, she will read well by 6 and emphasise the importance of academic requirements in P1; such as you have realised your child is very good in recognising letters/numbers/words and so you want more exposure for her to develop to be a VERY CLEVER child in pr school (those types of stories that will match what you think your in law wants to see in her grandchildren. Usually 'clever', 'smart', 'successful' directions).


The essence of when you trying to sell your in laws the concept of a centre is to focus on the education and not the care part coz care part your in law can provide but not the education part. Of course many may say \"So small, learn what?. Then it is your duty to tell them the importance of starting kids from young nowadays (convincing them this is easier than trying to convince them about their TV watching is bad for your child).

Good luck!

A lot of in-laws are not good with English so you can use that as a reason to send your child to school/childcare/enrichment. I'm sure they cannot be so blind as to ignore the fact that being able to use English proficiently in this country (and in many parts of the world) will allow your child to get into good schs, get gd jobs, be successful, earn lots of money and make your in-laws proud later on.

If your in-laws are also not good with Mandarin, you can also say that childcare will improve her Mandarin language skills.

ADD: If your MIL asks why need to start sch so young, just say that it is easier for child to pick up language and be proficient in it is he/she starts young. It is more difficult to learn and do well if he/she picks it up later.

Good luck! ^_^