Advice - Divorce or Not to Divorce

[Emelyn]

mincy:

Emelyn:

\"Mum, is the thing that I hoped will never happen in my life, going to happen ?\".... he is refering to the divorce. I cried when I heard this..... cos somehow I think the boy has been behaving badly because he knew of the dad's adultery, knew of the parents' problems, and has been worried about the breakup of the family....and just somehow....\"mal-functioned\".... as a way to get away from the problem? a way to get parents' attention ?....


Feel so sad....

Now, cousin-in-law has to endure silent treatment and those \"not-talking-to-you-but-is-saying-something-very-loudly-in-the-house-which-is-meant-for-you\" kind from the in-laws and the hubby who all live in the same household.

Very sad. Everytime I talk to her...she will cry...and I will cry... They started dating during Secondary school..... so, more than 30yrs of relationship....

Don't know how to help her.......

I am so sorry to hear this. I suppose the best you can do is to be her listening ear and help consel her son and help her settle into a new life. Need to let him know that mum will still love and be with him. Really don't get whu she should be enduring the silent treatment form the in-laws since her hubby is the one who have affair. The in-laws not ashamed that their son did something like this meh?

Mincy : the MIL (aka My aunt) told another DIL : \"aiyah, she never keep his money, that's why he has money to look for another woman lor !\"

I was like :shock: :shock: then :x :x

Insider : Yeah. I can't \"openly\" help her cos in case my dad gets dragged down for having a daughter who helps \"outsider\" and then get scoldings too. I give her morale support, some $$ for her to see a better doctor for her thyroid, and talk to the children.

We are very close because she is very very helpful.....

[mintcc]

Emelyn:

Mincy : the MIL (aka My aunt) told another DIL : \"aiyah, she never keep his money, that's why he has money to look for another woman lor !\"

I was like :shock: :shock: then :x :x

Insider : Yeah. I can't \"openly\" help her cos in case my dad gets dragged down for having a daughter who helps \"outsider\" and then get scoldings too. I give her morale support, some $$ for her to see a better doctor for her thyroid, and talk to the children.

We are very close because she is very very helpful.....

:shock: :nunchuk: jeeze, some people...what if it happen to themselves? Will they say that kind of thing? Sorry ...thought the MIL shd have more empathy here.

Sad when this kind of things happens to such nice people.

Hope she will be strong and secure her deserved portion of the matrimonial properties....and the younger son will turn for the better.

[winth]

insider:

Ladies, pls have a good idea / concept of who exactly a Mum In Law is...


The older generation of mums In Law - 9 out of 10 will side their own child, be it son or daughter, no matter under what kind of circumstances (can even include murder!).

Fully agreed! I'm always getting myself prepared should things turn ugly in my own marriage. And I think with the current relationship with my MIL and SIL, quite sure they will start to bad-mouth me should my marriage with DH turns anything near sour. It'll definitely benefit them if their son and brother comes back to 'help' them.

Should always read up on signs and signals when your man strays. By equipping with knowledge, it's easier to nip 'it' at its bud rather than to go through a full-blown affair. Typically at the affair's infancy stage, it's much easier to heal.

There are many many signs when a man or woman strays and it's not wise to ignore those signs thinking that it's normal to i.e. spouse says very tired for intimacy, wife/husband dressing/smelling better, spouse completely possessive over their mobile phones, wife/husband's changed of taste in wardrobe, spouse got to work later and later, sometimes saturdays included etc etc.

Anyway, fortune-telling did help alot too when it comes to certain predictions lar... At least DH and I gear ourselves towards defending our marriage territory. So we kinda watching each other's backs.

[san76]

Emelyn,


Be neutral infront of everyone. Now your Sis in law needs your support. During this time, you will also have to help her to be independant. She cant be just crying and soon she will develop depression subconsciously.

Ask what she wants to do now, divorce, forgive or what? No matter what she must seek proper advise. If she didnt have any income, she can seek legal aid for help and assistance.

Guess now you are so tired and wornout too. Take care of yourself. Happy holiday

:celebrate:

[Emelyn]

The other day, DH was telling me about his sis. Said that his sis was not involved in the hubby’s new car purchase, she doesn’t even know what colour the car is.


I said, yeah… the hubby also not involved in the preparation for the daughter’s overseas study. All done by the sister. Not sure if he was even consulted at all.

DH said … so strange hor. like both living separate lives. Do you think we will be like that next time ?

I said… we have to make sure that we are not like that lor.

To me, both parties have to work together to make the marriage work and last.

[mintcc]

insider:

Ladies, pls have a good idea / concept of who exactly a Mum In Law is...


The older generation of mums In Law - 9 out of 10 will side their own child, be it son or daughter, no matter under what kind of circumstances (can even include murder!).

yes, it is true. in the end parents and children are the closest. I won't expect any MIL to take the DIL's side. In the end I believe, we will forgive and love our own children no matter what. But it is another matter to add to the injury of the poor DIL when their sons are the one who did the unforgivable...

Hopefully my son won't do such things when he grow up and hopefully I can be fair and supportive to the wronged party if such things happen.

[margret2009]

hi, I am new here. I saw so many of you have so much problem with ur wife and husband.


If any is interest to get a PI or Private Investigator; I have a very good one to recommend.

[schellen]

margret2009:

hi, I am new here. I saw so many of you have so much problem with ur wife and husband.


If any is interest to get a PI or Private Investigator; I have a very good one to recommend.

Hi and welcome to KSP.

I think you are mistaken. The \"stories\" here are not ours but of people we know and would like to help. Generally, we have no problems with our families. Thank you for your concern though. It would help if you read through all the posts in this thread carefully.

[BlueOcean]

Hi there!

I'm a newbie here
And am in need of some advice...

My wife of close to 20 years cheated on me (discovered 2 years ago). I was then devastated and was in a confused state and felt betrayed. In my fit, I hit her and broke her nose (I lived to regret that action uptill this day). My children witnessed the whole encounter and I must say I felt pain that it turned out that way.
Just last week, I discovered that my wife had a few condoms in her handbag... I was shocked though not as angry as I was 2 yrs back. This time IF I discover that she had again strayed, I would file for a divorce; only problem is that I do not want to do so till my kids have turned 21 (and thats some 7-8 years time).

I read in an earlier posting that if I can prove my wife's adultery, then i would not have to pay her maintenance (less children as I know if she gets custody, I would have to maintain the children). Will she be entitled to my savings, pension?

I also read that a PI can cost some $800/day. That's a steep sum... Are there other alternatives?

IF my wife can agree to sign a document to agree to not contest for maintenance nor any part of my wealth, will this be legal in 8 years time?

Should I start seeing a lawyer to better appreciate my options?

Many thanks for the patience and for the answers...

[ZacK]

schellen:

margret2009:

hi, I am new here. I saw so many of you have so much problem with ur wife and husband.


If any is interest to get a PI or Private Investigator; I have a very good one to recommend.

Hi and welcome to KSP.

I think you are mistaken. The \"stories\" here are not ours but of people we know and would like to help. Generally, we have no problems with our families. Thank you for your concern though. It would help if you read through all the posts in this thread carefully.

Hahaha you are like the mummy of the forum protecting her little kids >>> us!!! LOL