Advice - Divorce or Not to Divorce
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Some useful information to know:
The court has the power to order the division of matrimonial assets at the time of/ subsequent to the grant of the decree of divorce.
When doing so, the court takes into account several factors, set out in section 112 of the Women’s Charter. (see http://statutes.agc.gov.sg/)
The list specifically refers to the extent of the contributions made by each party in money, property or work towards acquiring, improving or maintaining matrimonial assets.
The Women’s Charter also makes provision for a wife’s maintenance both during marriage and upon the grant of the decree of divorce (see s114). In determining the amount of maintenance, the court takes into account (amongst others) the standard of living enjoyed before the breakdown of the marriage, and the contributions made by each of the parties to the welfare of the family.
Insider, I think it will be prudent for your friend to keep careful records of all financial activities, e.g. family expenses, who paid what etc. Useful for the maintenance issue and division of assets, if she files for divorce one day. In divorce proceedings, things can get ugly and typically accusations fly. Without documentation, it'll be a case of her word against his word etc. -
Np… Insider, I think your friends are very lucky to have you to help them!
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Emelyn:
I am so sorry to hear this. I suppose the best you can do is to be her listening ear and help consel her son and help her settle into a new life. Need to let him know that mum will still love and be with him. Really don't get whu she should be enduring the silent treatment form the in-laws since her hubby is the one who have affair. The in-laws not ashamed that their son did something like this meh?\"Mum, is the thing that I hoped will never happen in my life, going to happen ?\".... he is refering to the divorce. I cried when I heard this..... cos somehow I think the boy has been behaving badly because he knew of the dad's adultery, knew of the parents' problems, and has been worried about the breakup of the family....and just somehow....\"mal-functioned\".... as a way to get away from the problem? a way to get parents' attention ?....
Feel so sad....
Now, cousin-in-law has to endure silent treatment and those \"not-talking-to-you-but-is-saying-something-very-loudly-in-the-house-which-is-meant-for-you\" kind from the in-laws and the hubby who all live in the same household.
Very sad. Everytime I talk to her...she will cry...and I will cry... They started dating during Secondary school..... so, more than 30yrs of relationship....
Don't know how to help her....... -
mincy:
Mincy : the MIL (aka My aunt) told another DIL : \"aiyah, she never keep his money, that's why he has money to look for another woman lor !\"
I am so sorry to hear this. I suppose the best you can do is to be her listening ear and help consel her son and help her settle into a new life. Need to let him know that mum will still love and be with him. Really don't get whu she should be enduring the silent treatment form the in-laws since her hubby is the one who have affair. The in-laws not ashamed that their son did something like this meh?Emelyn:
\"Mum, is the thing that I hoped will never happen in my life, going to happen ?\".... he is refering to the divorce. I cried when I heard this..... cos somehow I think the boy has been behaving badly because he knew of the dad's adultery, knew of the parents' problems, and has been worried about the breakup of the family....and just somehow....\"mal-functioned\".... as a way to get away from the problem? a way to get parents' attention ?....
Feel so sad....
Now, cousin-in-law has to endure silent treatment and those \"not-talking-to-you-but-is-saying-something-very-loudly-in-the-house-which-is-meant-for-you\" kind from the in-laws and the hubby who all live in the same household.
Very sad. Everytime I talk to her...she will cry...and I will cry... They started dating during Secondary school..... so, more than 30yrs of relationship....
Don't know how to help her.......
I was like :shock: :shock: then :x :x
Insider : Yeah. I can't \"openly\" help her cos in case my dad gets dragged down for having a daughter who helps \"outsider\" and then get scoldings too. I give her morale support, some $$ for her to see a better doctor for her thyroid, and talk to the children.
We are very close because she is very very helpful.....
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Emelyn:
:shock: :nunchuk: jeeze, some people...what if it happen to themselves? Will they say that kind of thing? Sorry ...thought the MIL shd have more empathy here.
Mincy : the MIL (aka My aunt) told another DIL : \"aiyah, she never keep his money, that's why he has money to look for another woman lor !\"
I was like :shock: :shock: then :x :x
Insider : Yeah. I can't \"openly\" help her cos in case my dad gets dragged down for having a daughter who helps \"outsider\" and then get scoldings too. I give her morale support, some $$ for her to see a better doctor for her thyroid, and talk to the children.
We are very close because she is very very helpful.....
Sad when this kind of things happens to such nice people.
Hope she will be strong and secure her deserved portion of the matrimonial properties....and the younger son will turn for the better. -
insider:
Fully agreed! I'm always getting myself prepared should things turn ugly in my own marriage. And I think with the current relationship with my MIL and SIL, quite sure they will start to bad-mouth me should my marriage with DH turns anything near sour. It'll definitely benefit them if their son and brother comes back to 'help' them.Ladies, pls have a good idea / concept of who exactly a Mum In Law is...
The older generation of mums In Law - 9 out of 10 will side their own child, be it son or daughter, no matter under what kind of circumstances (can even include murder!).
Should always read up on signs and signals when your man strays. By equipping with knowledge, it's easier to nip 'it' at its bud rather than to go through a full-blown affair. Typically at the affair's infancy stage, it's much easier to heal.
There are many many signs when a man or woman strays and it's not wise to ignore those signs thinking that it's normal to i.e. spouse says very tired for intimacy, wife/husband dressing/smelling better, spouse completely possessive over their mobile phones, wife/husband's changed of taste in wardrobe, spouse got to work later and later, sometimes saturdays included etc etc.
Anyway, fortune-telling did help alot too when it comes to certain predictions lar... At least DH and I gear ourselves towards defending our marriage territory. So we kinda watching each other's backs. -
Emelyn,
Be neutral infront of everyone. Now your Sis in law needs your support. During this time, you will also have to help her to be independant. She cant be just crying and soon she will develop depression subconsciously.
Ask what she wants to do now, divorce, forgive or what? No matter what she must seek proper advise. If she didnt have any income, she can seek legal aid for help and assistance.
Guess now you are so tired and wornout too. Take care of yourself. Happy holiday
:celebrate: -
The other day, DH was telling me about his sis. Said that his sis was not involved in the hubby’s new car purchase, she doesn’t even know what colour the car is.
I said, yeah… the hubby also not involved in the preparation for the daughter’s overseas study. All done by the sister. Not sure if he was even consulted at all.
DH said … so strange hor. like both living separate lives. Do you think we will be like that next time ?
I said… we have to make sure that we are not like that lor.
To me, both parties have to work together to make the marriage work and last. -
insider:
yes, it is true. in the end parents and children are the closest. I won't expect any MIL to take the DIL's side. In the end I believe, we will forgive and love our own children no matter what. But it is another matter to add to the injury of the poor DIL when their sons are the one who did the unforgivable...Ladies, pls have a good idea / concept of who exactly a Mum In Law is...
The older generation of mums In Law - 9 out of 10 will side their own child, be it son or daughter, no matter under what kind of circumstances (can even include murder!).
Hopefully my son won't do such things when he grow up and hopefully I can be fair and supportive to the wronged party if such things happen. -
hi, I am new here. I saw so many of you have so much problem with ur wife and husband.
If any is interest to get a PI or Private Investigator; I have a very good one to recommend.
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