Is it possible to treat your children equally?

[RRMummy]

janet_lee88:

Son told me he will want a wife to stay home and look after the kids/family. I didn't teach him that though.

He must be loving every minute from all the attention he has got from u being a SAHM..

:celebrate:

[janet88]

RR Mummy,

It’s so true that what the parents do reflect the child’s mindset.
As the firstborn and born with cleft, he definitely has LOTS of attention as compared to my daughter. But honestly I do love my daughter more bcos she knows how to wriggle her way to my heart.

With my son, I’m shocked that he wants a wife to stay home. I told him it’s not possible for his generation…girls are getting well-educated. I don’t want my daughter to be a SAHM.

[sleepy]

janet_lee88:

I told him it's not possible for his generation...girls are getting well-educated. I don't want my daughter to be a SAHM.

Me neither. Kind of wasted my investment on her.

My brother is supporting his parents in law. They only have daughters & both daughters not working. To lead by example, my hubby too gave my parents allowance since I'm not working

Hence, I told her unless her future hubby is able & willing to support hubby & I if she decides to stay home, else she better continues working

[janet88]

There are just 2 kids now…even hawkers’ children do not want to follow in their father’s footsteps, let alone kids 20 years from now.

My daughter at 6 is still young, but I will advise her to study hard when she goes to school.

Flat are getting more and more expensive…in time to come, don’t know if kids can afford their own place. I told my son he better study hard bcos in time to come, even eating at food court will be expensive…if get a girlfriend who wants to eat at restaurants only, all the best to him.
But I love both my kids, though in different ways.

[sleepy]

janet_lee88:

There are just 2 kids now...even hawkers' children do not want to follow in their father's footsteps, let alone kids 20 years from now.

Haha, you know some hawkers own a few landed properties?

janet_lee88:

My daughter at 6 is still young, but I will advise her to study hard when she goes to school.

That's a given. Of course must study hard.... as a back up plan.

[RRMummy]

janet_lee88:

As the firstborn and born with cleft, he definitely has LOTS of attention as compared to my daughter. But honestly I do love my daughter more bcos she knows how to wriggle her way to my heart.

We love them in the best way we can. :love: :love:

janet_lee88:

With my son, I'm shocked that he wants a wife to stay home. I told him it's not possible for his generation...girls are getting well-educated. I don't want my daughter to be a SAHM.

Goes to show that you have and are doing great at home, dear. :celebrate:

Why do you not want DD to be SAHM?

I think in every generation SAHM will still be around. Our generation is afterall much more educated than our grandparents. IMHO, there will always be a group of well-educated mummies who will choose to be SAHM. They will still find that their contribution as SAHM will far surpass that of a FTWM. We have so many mummies here like you who are well-educated SAHM and doing so well with their kids. Kudos to you all.. :celebrate:

Being SAHM or FTWM, we have our rewards, our concerns and our sacrifices. In many cases, the grass seem greener on the other side.. for me I would love it so much if I could get hubs support to be a SAHM..

[mamemo]

Interesting topic…recalled my conversation with my sis last night…


I have 2 nieces, JC1 and Sec3. My sis is undergoing a hard time with the JC1 girl. The girl interprets everything that my sis does with hostility. She feels that my sis favours the younger sis more, which my sis denies it. Everything that my sis bought for the younger sis, she would compare and throw a tantrum.

Example 1: She got a handphone in Secondary school, and she fought very hard for it. When my sis bought the handphone for her, the younger sis also got one at the same time. –> Unfair, because that time younger sis was in primary school at that time…

Example 2: She just got contact lens in JC1. Recently, younger sis was involved in NDP marching, so younger sis she may need contacts too cos dunno whether coloured-frame lens are allowed in the contingent. Older sis threw a tentrum immediately! Which prompted my bro-in-law to say no to the younger sis and then told her to check specifically with the teacher.

There are also many other instances, and whenever my sis asked her a question, she’ll answer with hostility. E.g. Do you want breakfast (during weekend) -> no, but when my sis came back from breakfast outside, she would have taken some bread.

How to change her thinking that we don’t favour the younger sis? On the other hand, the younger sis is milder and more approachable, which probably explained why the elder girl got scolded more often, which she interpreted negatively.

Sigh…

[markfch]

mamemo:

I have 2 nieces, JC1 and Sec3. My sis is undergoing a hard time with the JC1 girl. The girl interprets everything that my sis does with hostility. She feels that my sis favours the younger sis more, which my sis denies it. Everything that my sis bought for the younger sis, she would compare and throw a tantrum.

According to my colleague whose children had grown up, sec 3-jc 2 is the danger period whereby children decided that they are going to be more in charge of their lives. So they can be quite rebellious during this period.

His kids are all top sch ex-students so he must be doing something right. But I forgot to ask him how he handled this issue. When I have his reply, I will share it here.

[3Boys]

mamemo:

Interesting topic...recalled my conversation with my sis last night..


I have 2 nieces, JC1 and Sec3. My sis is undergoing a hard time with the JC1 girl. The girl interprets everything that my sis does with hostility. She feels that my sis favours the younger sis more, which my sis denies it. Everything that my sis bought for the younger sis, she would compare and throw a tantrum.

Example 1: She got a handphone in Secondary school, and she fought very hard for it. When my sis bought the handphone for her, the younger sis also got one at the same time. --> Unfair, because that time younger sis was in primary school at that time..

Example 2: She just got contact lens in JC1. Recently, younger sis was involved in NDP marching, so younger sis she may need contacts too cos dunno whether coloured-frame lens are allowed in the contingent. Older sis threw a tentrum immediately! Which prompted my bro-in-law to say no to the younger sis and then told her to check specifically with the teacher.

There are also many other instances, and whenever my sis asked her a question, she'll answer with hostility. E.g. Do you want breakfast (during weekend) -> no, but when my sis came back from breakfast outside, she would have taken some bread.

How to change her thinking that we don't favour the younger sis? On the other hand, the younger sis is milder and more approachable, which probably explained why the elder girl got scolded more often, which she interpreted negatively.

Sigh...

Strange isn't it? Our kids in modern society hardly want for anything, yet, its the comparative 'favouritism' they perceive that drives their discontent. We have enough books and toys in our home to, in the words of my MIL, open a store, yet, it is the same one or two shared things that cause all the conflict.

.....in some ways, the same with adults I suppose....

[markfch]

3Boys:

Strange isn't it? Our kids in modern society hardly want for anything, yet, its the comparative 'favouritism' they perceive that drives their discontent. We have enough books and toys in our home to, in the words of my MIL, open a store, yet, it is the same one or two shared things that cause all the conflict.

.....in some ways, the same with adults I suppose....

I thought it's goes like this ... The more material things our parents possess ==> the more we stand to lose ==> more incentives for in-fighting ==> higher chance for perception of favoritism?

Luckily neither my parents nor I am rich ... so nothing to fight for, keke.