In-law problems?

[mamadontpreach]

thats a very touchy issue. had in-laws troubles as well as parental troubles at times but i still feel i need both sides. the thing might be to find the right balance for everybody’s sake especially the grandchildren

[buds]

Pen88n:

Just came across this thread and heard about Bud's dilemma. Just wanna share my story.


I stayed with my MIL for 6 years after marriage. During that period, we had many big and small disagreements and every time, she insisted in having it her way and would say that she's the elder and must respect and listen to her. Hubby turned \"a deaf ear\" to my \"suffering\", and always use the same excuse that she \"is already old\" and \"may not live so long\" so I should just give in.

Finally, the last straw broke the camel's back and I suggested to live apart. Hubby used his same excuse again, but this time, I was adamant and I bluntly asked him to tell me \"how long more\" is he expecting to stay with his mum. I told him I had my life to live, and I'm not going to spend my life \"suffering\" under MIL (later kena suay suay I die of suffering whilst she outlive me!). Being filial is not having to stay together. She had stayed with us for 6 years, and now it's my turn to have my life back. Hubby realised that he couldn't change my mind, so he agreed.

MIL was furious and had a lot of complaining about me to relatives (as if I care!). For quite some time after we live apart, she continuously made sarcastic remarks directly at me during our visits. I \"ren\" and ignored that for a while. Finally, during a dinner when she again passed remarks, I explicitly hinted to her that I would no longer take any nonsense from her and if she does not know how to respect me, don't blame me for \"not giving face\". I think at that moment she realised that she had no more \"power\" over me (afterall, if I can fight to live apart, why would I not dare to confront her?). She actually mellowed after that incident.

We have lived apart for more than 10 years since. Hubby still visit her at least once a week, whilst we visit on occasions and we are polite and respectful to each other. I am really glad I made that tough decision at that time and stood by it.

Buds, all the best to you and I hope you can lead the life you wish for your family.

Thanks for sharing this, Pen88n.. :hugs: I'm certain that a clean break
would do everyone good. I have been gossipped about regardless if i
am doing right or wrong.... and come to think of it.... even when i'm
not doing anything... ... so you can say those daggers can hit a
bullet proof zone on me. Cos i am the nonchalant & understanding
DIL to all their relatives i've known, a few of them do pat me on my
back or give me tight good bye hugs when we leave their homes
(when we visit during festive days) and they'd whisper, it's not easy
staying with ILs and you are one of the few that i know of who have
lasted this long. Take care.. Now, how sweet is that? :please:

It's enuf for me that i know, they 'know'...

[kanyaramesh]

buds:

schweppes:

Hope Buds will be able to work something out.

It's up to em' brothers now.

My end is simple.

Not with us.

That's it Buds!! way to go!! :udawoman:

[Pen88n]

LKVM:

duriz:

[quote=\"buds\"]
Yo, me here Octo momma as well. :hi5:
My angelic little money DD2 is Octo babe as well.
As long as taste testing does not pose any harm to baby, i find it's fine
too. :hi5: Though not daring as yourself, duriz.. i agree that encouraging
babes to try different food types does help prevent them from growing up
to be picky / fussy eaters.

three octo-mums :hi5:

4dear DS2 is octo born [/quote]I'm in the team too - both my kids and I Octo birthdays!!! :celebrate:

[Pen88n]

Buds, good luck and keep us posted of the progress. Take care!

[duriz]

Let's go Octo-mummies


http://www.kiasuparents.com/kiasu/forum/viewtopic.php?t=13736

Me off to early lunch meeting.
Laterz

[buds]

janet_lee88:

Buds, on one hand your BIL takes his wife and kids into consideration but on the other your hubby is left with the burden. Any chance of your hubby and his brother discuss, to shell out money to get them a studio apartment for the elderly ??? Hope you and hubby can discuss this calmly and your hubby understands that you have put up with them long enough.

cherrygal:

Buds, I would advise you to insist DH and his bro share the parents, if DH must have them stay with someone... well, at least it would be a week with you and a week with them.

Yes, janet_lee88.. hubs is always left with everything to do with his parents.
He's after all the only filial and responsible one. Because of that they
became too dependent on him and somehow i do find he let them be
after a while. So they take advantage of his generosity. Hubs continues
to seemingly accept that they are what they are and pick up whatever
pieces they leave behind. I do believe he knows & boy he sure understands
awrite.. what i had to put up with... go through... endure for long enough...
Just that he doesn't show it.

But, naaah.. shell out $ no more i say... cos i think it's abt enuf oredi.
We've missed out on a lot oredi, financial wise (esp hubs being the sole
breadwinner)... emotionally (let's not even go there :roll:) and definitely
the physical aspect is felt.

Yeah cherrygal, that was the same advice i gave to hubs. With the only
exception that i didn't offer that we have to be part of the plan. I was
only advising for his bro to take over. They are after all his parents 2.
And furthermore, he is the favourite son who hardly visits so he can do
no wrong. Well, since they never stayed together... he can't do any wrong
...... yet. :evil:

cherrygal:

And the ILs will be able to see how \"bad\" the other daughter-in-law is... and not think you are the only one who has issues with them.

Oh, she knows awrite. That's why she's been drama-ing that she cannot
imagine living with SIL... ever. Said SIL was all rules and all fussy and
all this and that. I just played deaf ear nia. She's such a hypocrite. It
irks me. She had the gall to tell me to my face that she'd rather stay
with us (meaning with my girls, hubs and i). Can you believe that..
tsk.. tsk.. tsk.. It is not just SIL who has issues with her, even BIL
has issues with her and FIL... BIL does not take kindly to when his
parents try to interfere in their marital affairs and child-raising issues.
He also doesn't like his wife to be upset over his parents. He's very very
protective of his family. So, he'd rather push the responsibility to the
obvious responsible one.

[buds]

hquek:

True, it's not easy, but beats paying for another hdb flat which dunno who will get to inherit (eg if bud's hubs pay for it, the ILs may happily will it to another one). A bit pengz right? Studio apartment is only 30 year lease....imagine 30 years of independence and I think probably happiness on bud's side....I think worth the effort to look see lah. But I honestly dunno what the asking price is.

Nope. Financially... no purchase of any kind works in this case.
Enough of shelling out our moolah. We DO have #3 on the way.
Yes, very pengz.. hquek, you oredi know them as much as i do..

[janet88]

Hi buds,

I do sympathise your situation and hope that you have a place of your own…it will be difficult because your hubby is the filial one and with his mother being the drama queen, it’s even harder. But I still wish you all the best. Those of us who have MILs who love to drama will understand what it is like.

[buds]

duriz:

Sorry for being lor sor. But I want to tell abit of MIL's side of the story, just to be fair. During her \"NS\" days, she stayed with 1 FIL, TWO MILs, TWO SILs and her own 2 boys. I'd think things were not easy for her either.

Mine too. MIL had a tough time with her ILs. Two MILs. Many SILs.
And her own 3 boys. It was not easy for her from what i've
heard and she cared for them till they passed on. She was
not fairly treated & needless to say, the talk of everyone.
She never earned their respect even towards the end.

Naive of me to think that she'd be more understanding towards me
and have more love for me and treat me like her own daughter juz
like how i did treat her like my own mom since i married hubs, but
it somehow seems she was bent on making my life story worse
than how she lived hers. That is why today, i can only say...
i give up on her. I surrender. Her game i cannot play. So go
play with someone else. Try SIL... :evil: See if she can even
go very far.