Throwing Tantrum

[cnimed]

Hi smurf,


no real advice lah. Just sharing some things I picked up along the way. If you have the time, the book Sibling without Rivalry is an easy read with practical strategies (and cartoons too!).

Hi Mamii,

actually my younger one (same age as well!) sounds similar to your child. He did go through a hitting/pinching/scratching phase some months ago and we were very much taken aback.

During that period of time I think the singularly most useful thing was to remind myself that strong-will / stubborn can be good - it's only tough during the formative years, but once these children find their directions, you don't have to worry about them as adults. They will persevere in their goals, and you don't have to worry about them being walking doormats. DH is one such example and my MIL always tell me that SIL who was the \"good, easy\" child is now the one she has to worry about - no ambition and direction.

So shape and direct the will, don't crush it. And things that children do - don't take it personally.

For the hitting/scratching/pinching, in my DS2' case, it's mostly a reaction/expression, sometimes an experimentation. During that time, we had to tell all the adults including grandparents not to tolerate it. We request everyone to be stern, but be low-key/matter-of-fact about it. We hold his hands firmly, look him in the eyes, and say firmly \"No hitting, it's painful.\" Maintaining eye contact, we let him go. In the beginning, he would test us by looking at us very closely and then slowly doing it again. We would repeat ourselves. After a few days, he would test it out when he was playing with us, suddenly stopping, and then very delibrately pinching or scratching, looking at us closely. We just repeat our mantra very firmly. Remember the child is figuring out the rules now, don't take it personally.

But of course, if he's very very very angry (he reminds me of the baby in The Invincibles when he bursts into flames), all bets are off. The best is just for another neutral person to carry him off until he calms down. After that we talk to him about what happened. If the other person (usually DS1) is in the wrong, DS1 has to apologise. If he is wrong, he has to apologise AFTER he calms down. Even an adult can't apologise while he is still angry. If it's a small thing, just let it go. He has plenty of time to learn.

Regarding baths etc, transitions - moving from one activity to another - can be tricky. To a child everything is incredibly fascinating. Generally I indulge if I can, otherwise I provide incentives for the next activity. Minimise frustrations where possible.

For TV - I guess he wants some quality attention? You can bring out a basket of building blocks and build with him while watching I guess. Seat him such that his back is to the TV and make sure the volume is not too loud to him.
[quote]on the whole we do not beat him unless he did things that we deemed dangerous like touching switches or climbing too high ir putting sharp things into mouth etc [/quote]DS2 is also a climber. He will take knives from kitchen counter/sinks, carry chairs into the walk-in wardrobe, climb up and peer at the shelves etc. He has given me so many heart attacks that I no longer react to them now.

What I do is child-proof the house as far as possible, especially with socket covers, and making sure furniture are placed/changed such that they will not tip over, hide as many wires as I can. Close the doors to rooms that are especially unsuitable, push chairs into tables if necessary, or push them out against a shelf so that if he does climb the chair won't tip over. All the children's chairs/stools are anti-skid and as stable as possible (not the lightweight plastic). But of course, kids will still find a way. Generally if things are getting too quiet, it's time for me to check what they are up too!

[smurf]

mamii:

Hi smuf,


my neighbour told me that should i have a 2nd bb and if the older one is jealous, try to acknowledge the situation in the older sibling, such as instead of saying \"didi / mei mei, is sleeping be quiet and go to sleep too\" you can try saying \"you (using your boy's name\" are tired after all the playing / swimming / outing etc, try to take a rest and nap for 30 mins / 1 hour etc\" .. she told me it works on her girl when she was throwing tantrums when the younger girl came along.

as for the supermarket outings, maybe you can get your boy involved in the \"marketing list\" , let him choose 1 or 2 items that he can buy be it sweets or cookies or cornflakes etc and only limit him to these items, the rest of his \"wants\" can wait till another outing.

just a thought, hope it helps.

Hi mamii,

hmm, I tried these methods, but dun work on my boy.hahha.

for the marketing part, he sees one thing, he wants to buy, even though I limit him to his favourite.haha

[mamii]

hi smuf, sorry not of any help to you. I guess practicing patience is crucial now whenever he / they throw tantrums.

[mamii]

hi deminc, thanks for your advise. knifes :shock: :shock: :shock: i would not know how i would have reacted and i hope i dont have to deal with such a situation. our home is rather clutter free with only a few pc of furniture but somehow DS still manages to do things to shock us. kids !!!!


we did try to get him to look at us to say sorry but he would turn away, yup will persist in doing that with him. heee your reference to the Invincibles baby is on the dot !!! :lol: :lol:

regarding the TV, we think that he got so used to all the attention from us that he would not want to share our attention with the TV !!!

i will remember about not taking things personal, yes many times i felt hurt especially when he rejects me.

[cnimed]

mamii:

knifes :shock: :shock: :shock:

aiyoh, once I turned around to give DS1 his breakfast and when I turned back, DS2 was happily licking butter off the kitchen knife (and it was on the kitchen counter, pushed in). He gave me a happy grin when I turned back and saw him.

But share one thing important I learnt from another mum - when something like this happens - do NOT, I repeat, DO NOT, shout at them. Why? Becuase it may startle them and cause the accident to REALLY happen. Instead, just calmly and quicly walk over, remove them/whatever it is, THEN you tell them.

This was what happened to the other mum - her nephew was tiptoeing very precariously next to the pond, looked as if he could fall in anytime. She shouted his name, and he got such a shock that he really fell in. So thereafter, whenever any of the kids go too near, they would call the child's name in a sing-song voice, walk over, grab the kid, then scold him/her. hahaha.

In DS2' case, I did not scold him because he was too young too understand the situation. I took the knife away, showed him the edge and told him \"It's sharp. It is painful.\" (He understands \"sharp\" because he sometimes has sharp fingernails). Thereafter I put all breakables and knives in the sink, pushed to the back (otherwise he will still take them). Safety is my responsibility, not his.

apologising - if he doesn't want to look in the face and apologise then just leave it. Babies have their pride too, or he could be afraid. You just have to work around their personalities.

[smum]

Just to share. My younger son (4 years old) also like to hit people when he is angry. I think it was "trained" by the daddy. When he was younger, the daddy will beat his hand when he is naughty. So now he hit other people when he "thinks" the other party is naughty.


We are now trying to "un-teach" him… ahhh. We firmly told him that he cannot hit people even if he thinks the other party is "naughty". He can tell the person but no hitting. Everytime he hit other people, we will remove one of his favourite toy away. And if he did not hit other people the next day, we will return his toy. It seem to work as after one week, the hitting actually stop. I hope it will last.

I also read somewhere that when the child is in a dangerous situation, we should not give negative instructions. Eg if a child is hanging from a tree. If we said "dont drop". The child will only hear the word "drop" and actually fell. We should be giving positive instructions like "hold tight". Tell the child things that he should be doing will be better.

[smurf]

mamii:

hi smuf, sorry not of any help to you. I guess practicing patience is crucial now whenever he / they throw tantrums.

hey, dun worry, sometimes, certain methods do work on some kids, some dun.just have to keep trying. keep us posted on ur boy's behaviour! :celebrate:

[mamii]

sorry i dont know how to use the "quote" function to include the different quotes in my reply.


I beat DS when he was younger - DH heart pain so he disapproval of me doing it - that is when we realise that DS is not "afraid" of beating cos he never cry, he would just smile at us, that is even when i felt the pain from my own hand from beating him - so thick skinned !!! since he is older now we feel we should limit the beating.

hi smum, we are also doing the same - keeping his toys away, but guess DS is still too young so he would scream and cry, we would return them to him after he calms down and we are done with explanation.

dangerous situation - yup it is crucial that we distract the little ones from what they were doing. my experience is not be interested in the "thing" the kid is doing or showing us and do have some distraction as our interest may trigger them to do more.

apologising - deminc, DH said the same thing.

thanks so much mummies, i have learnt a lot within these 2 days.

[jedamum]

mamii,


FYI...here's how to use 'quote'.

[@quote=\"mamii\"] message you want to display [@/quote]

*remove the 2 '@' above to 'activate' the quote. after a few trial and error...you should be able to get it.

[smurf]

Hi mummies,


just to update:

recently I used ignoring method when boy threw tantrum. It works after about 30 mins. so most of the time, he is at home when he throw tantrum. After the ordeal, I hug him and explain to him blah blah blah.

he accepted my explaination and ‘promised’ not to throw tantrum again. I’e yet to see him throw tantrum after 1 day! hee. that’s quite an achievement for me lah! cos he threw tantrum few times in a day!