Do you cane your daughters when they misbehave?

[angela]

I also caned my 30mths old gal.


When she is stubborn and refused to listen, we will cane her. Usually cane her legs. The father will just cane on her buttock but the problem is she is wearing diaper so where got pain.

But the moment we take cane, she will cry and say ‘pain pain’. If I cane, she will cry for awhile and stop but if father cane, she will cry until her father sayang her.

I do believe that the more we use cane, the more stubborn she will be.

[2ppaamm]

angela:

I do believe that the more we use cane, the more stubborn she will be.

O, then don't cane her any more...

[buds]

2ppaamm:

I'm going to sound like a child abuser.

No you don't. In fact, you've yet to hear mine..
While it pains me to do what i said i will, i have to or else..
It will forever be empty threats or indecisive disciplinary rules.

But yes, the severity of the issue that requires corporal punishment
had been set in adv & also given sufficient warning and learning from
mistakes period as well.. not/never for first time offences.

My DD1 did something almost the same thing yours did.. trying
to get a friend into trouble; cos like you say, as parents we are
always on their side ya know... But not to the extent of
taking advantage of that trust.

Lying ie. white lie... to save oneself or someone else or some sort
along that pattern, is different from lying to get someone into trouble.
I detest that i had to be a part of it. And yes, i do agree that the sessions
for counsel before & after are important.... in fact, my daddie used to run
by me similar disciplinary measures and not once (after reflections) i felt
that he did me wrong in any way... or felt that he abused me in any way.

To me, had he spared the rod with me... i wud have been a helluva spoilt brat!

So, thanks daddie.. and yes it worked.

[buds]

2ppaamm:

angela:

I do believe that the more we use cane, the more stubborn she will be.

O, then don't cane her any more...

I agree with 2ppaamm for your instance..
I never had to cane my girls when younger..
Or at baby stages.

In fact now we don't even own a cane anymore..
There isn't any more use for it..

They're good girls now... so far so good. :love:

[buds]

LKVM:

My hands are enuf :evil:


btw DH says my hands quite hard

On the contrary, i've heard and read that hitting or punishing
with one's own hands have worse effects on a child's emotional
psyche as compared to using a third party (object eg. cane)... cos
of the touch from skin to skin.

Cane for discipline (where it really matters) and not for dishing out
each time one gets angry.It doesn't work if it is done once too often...
or for petty crimes... and when without reason or counsel. When it is
done properly, they do not run all around the house & make you chase
them to land the punishment... they will know from prior counsel & set
rules; what landed them in the soup in the first place...

One book i read even had a mom lay out the \"tools\" for the child to
choose from; based on the child's understanding of the severity of
his own actions. :!:

[mrswongtuition]

LKVM:

buds:

[quote=\"LKVM\"]My hands are enuf :evil:


btw DH says my hands quite hard

On the contrary, i've heard and read that hitting or punishing
with one's own hands have worse effects on a child's emotional
psyche as compared to using a third party (object eg. cane)... cos
of the touch from skin to skin.

Maybe.... but still I feel using external objects on my kid is not my cup of tea(just my opinion).....
:P[/quote]The logic is...
Hand is for \"sayang\", not punishment.

[2ppaamm]

mrswongtuition:

The logic is...
Hand is for \"sayang\", not punishment.

That's what I understand also, but I forgot where I read that. But hitting the child with the hand is very painful for me, also... maybe my hands are too bony? :lol: or my technique is wrong.

In any case, now that they are all big, I don't have a cane in the house anymore. They seem to go missing all the time, anyway... I don't want to guess why...

[corneyAmber]

Before I had a child, I thought there was no need to use a cane, civil talk would be enough.


After I had a child, I realised I was overly idealistic because talk would never be enough for a child.

There seems to be some innate traits in kids that they hear but cannot remember or remember but cannot hear.

Also Mr Cane or Mrs Cane you call it has to be used at some point in their lives.

The good news is it won't be used forever if you use it right. If you do not know how to use it right, then better don't use lest you abuse.

What is \"use it right\"?

Do's and Don'ts of Caning
1. Use it to correct behaviours not for lack of performance
2. Use it to discipline not out of self-anger due to a bad day at work
3. Use it sparingly not regularly as in anything, conditioning kicks in
4. Use only a few firm strokes to serve the warning, not several strokes to leave ugly scars or marks
5. Use it in the absence of any other adults against it or you will be wrongly prohibited and undermined.
6. Use it in complementary with words of wisdom and not solely as a physical punishment and stop there
7. Use it to ensure your message is put across effectively, not when it is not effective
8. Use it firmly to drive your message across and not soften down to marshmellow after a while. If that is the case, don't bother to engage Mr or Mrs Cane, counterproductive and cause unnecessary hurt.

Hope my 8 tips help.

[2ppaamm]

ksi:

Before I had a child, I thought there was no need to use a cane, civil talk would be enough.


After I had a child, I realised I was overly idealistic because talk would never be enough for a child.

There seems to be some innate traits in kids that they hear but cannot remember or remember but cannot hear.

Also Mr Cane or Mrs Cane you call it has to be used at some point in their lives.

The good news is it won't be used forever if you use it right. If you do not know how to use it right, then better don't use lest you abuse.

What is \"use it right\"?

Do's and Don'ts of Caning
1. Use it to correct behaviours not for lack of performance
2. Use it to discipline not out of self-anger due to a bad day at work
3. Use it sparingly not regularly as in anything, conditioning kicks in
4. Use only a few firm strokes to serve the warning, not several strokes to leave ugly scars or marks
5. Use it in the absence of any other adults against it or you will be wrongly prohibited and undermined.
6. Use it in complementary with words of wisdom and not solely as a physical punishment and stop there
7. Use it to ensure your message is put across effectively, not when it is not effective
8. Use it firmly to drive your message across and not soften down to marshmellow after a while. If that is the case, don't bother to engage Mr or Mrs Cane, counterproductive and cause unnecessary hurt.

Hope my 8 tips help.

Wow, a lot of wisdom. I've never really been taught how to use the cane. Thankfully, and hopefully, I'll never have to deploy Mr or Mrs Cane ever again. I have a simple rule I made for both DH and me. We avoid canning from 9, and at 12, we stop altogether. Technically,there're only 2 left who are 'cane-able', but I saw no point in doing it nowadays.

One is AS, so he is not bad, he doesn't know. The other one, once you hit the floor with a ruler, he jumps up. So, I don't want to scare him. I guess the cane does not work for everyone, and definitely must be used sparingly. Just like the word 'no', if we keep saying 'no', the kids will do everything they want regardless of your 'no's', so I try to say yes to most things but when it is a no, it is a strict NO.

[corneyAmber]

Hey buddy, I must tell you I really have to humble myself and re-learn or unlearn some things as a parent. I only have one experience apart from looking after others' kids, you have 5, can't beat that kind of experience!