Pls help my p4 gal....

[verykiasu2010]

insider:

............. Basically, if your child dares to \"close the toilet door angrily\" and do all those things that upset you, it may imply your lax disciplinary actions towards her all this while. During the first time she did the \"close the toilet door angrily\" action, what was your reaction? For me, it will be a straight away \"dont need to talk, go kneel in front of 神祖牌\" kind of punishment + don't need to go school. After her knees are pain enough (I still quite old fashion in my punishment...), then we talk and she has to tell me what went wrong.

If you allow her to do something disrespectful without consequences, then she will only be bolder and bolder and maybe to the extent of uncontrollable (becoming a habit of bullying you). If she has siblings, one may copy another, and then the whole house may be a \"no laws land\" and be chaotic.

If you can be more hard hearted, talk to her nicely about the needs of maintaining her personal hygiene and tell her that you will leave all these to her and will not bug her anymore in the morning and you hv confidence that she will know how to take care of herself. Let her tell you how she feels and talks along the line. Ａｆｔｅｒ　the talk, let her be. Want to brush teeth / comb hair, do it; don't want, your issues. Seriously give up in trying to bug her coz you may have to bug her until 16 or 18 or 20! Probably she is used to 'enjoying' the morning commotion, so take it away! (actually quite unimaginable for me to think that a P4 child still has to be told to brush teeth / comb hair every morning...)

PS: Generally I have this thought of if a parent cannot control her child when the child is still in primary school, then high chance of the parent losing total control when the child reaches teenage years. So very important to be still in control during their younger years...

Totally Agreed.

[Funz]

insider:

Reading this thread making me wonder and trying to recall whether my kids still cried when they were in P4...


I don't remember both of them still cried at that age (unless kena caned for serious misbehaviour). Regular crying behaviour in my opinion usually stops at around age 7 or 8, when the kids can verbalise their thoughts and wants. From their age 7/8 to now 16/18 years old, probably they cried for less than 6 times in total?

My 7 years old will cry probably average once in a quarter or semi-annually I think, when he is put under embarrassing situations (his perception) or when he cannot handle a serious questioning session from me (when i sensed he lied) or when he kena caned...

Actually that was my thought as well. 1st thing that went through my mind was, \"Oh gosh! You mean I have so many more years of whining to handle?!?!?\"

While I do not have any kids that age yet, I pray that by then, my kids would have passed that phase. Now at the age of P1 and K1, there will be days when I will have to hustle them into their morning routines but not often. And on such days, if a few curt instructions are still insufficient, I will tell them, choice is theirs, when it comes time to go to school, they will still have to go, regardless of what state of grooming they are in and breakfast eaten or not. Then I will proceed with my own routine of having breakfast and reading the papers.

[fussyMummy]

insider:

Don't mind fussymummy, am going to use your case as a 'case study' for discussion purpose.

Basically, if your child dares to \"close the toilet door angrily\" and do all those things that upset you, it may imply your lax disciplinary actions towards her all this while. During the first time she did the \"close the toilet door angrily\" action, what was your reaction? For me, it will be a straight away \"dont need to talk, go kneel in front of 神祖牌\" kind of punishment + don't need to go school. After her knees are pain enough (I still quite old fashion in my punishment...), then we talk and she has to tell me what went wrong.

If you allow her to do something disrespectful without consequences, then she will only be bolder and bolder and maybe to the extent of uncontrollable (becoming a habit of bullying you). If she has siblings, one may copy another, and then the whole house may be a \"no laws land\" and be chaotic.

If you can be more hard hearted, talk to her nicely about the needs of maintaining her personal hygiene and tell her that you will leave all these to her and will not bug her anymore in the morning and you hv confidence that she will know how to take care of herself. Let her tell you how she feels and talks along the line. Ａｆｔｅｒ　the talk, let her be. Want to brush teeth / comb hair, do it; don't want, your issues. Seriously give up in trying to bug her coz you may have to bug her until 16 or 18 or 20! Probably she is used to 'enjoying' the morning commotion, so take it away! (actually quite unimaginable for me to think that a P4 child still has to be told to brush teeth / comb hair every morning...)

PS: Generally I have this thought of if a parent cannot control her child when the child is still in primary school, then high chance of the parent losing total control when the child reaches teenage years. So very important to be still in control during their younger years...

Hi insider,

I dont mind at all...

As I strongly believe that 没有教不好的孩子, 只有会不教的父母..

When I encounter problem with kids or my kids misbehave, first I will ask myself what did I do, what's wrong with my method, which caused them like that....

I feel glad that I know this forum, which I can learn and seek help about parenting, as due to some situation, I seldom share about my personal / family problem with others..

I will study your point and see how should I to improve to be a good mum...


:thankyou:

:celebrate:

[Jennifer]

Like banging on your bedroom door when you are upset, ok let’s take down the door.


Dun like to brush your teeth properly, ok let’s visit the dentist n pull all out.

Sometimes we must really put our foot down.

My elder boy now wakes up on his own once his alarm clock rings. Now training the younger one to do so too.

If the child really has prob waking up refreshed in the morning, one might want to check how well the child sleeps at night, any snoring, sleeping with mouth open, teeth grinding, sleep talking, etc.

[fussyMummy]

Hi,


Just sharing...

My P4 girl started to wake up by herself (with alarm clock) this Nov 10, preparing herself to school without any help or nag from me...




Perhaps I was too pampered her :? , help to do most of her things. As in my mind she just is a kid. Didn't realise that have to let her be independent.

:celebrate:

[24hr-mum]

i hv 3 kids, #2, a boy, being the most challening, whine when dun want to get up, dont want to do work, dont want to brush teeth, dont want to feed himself (he is 5), when u serve bread he wants noodle, when u serve noodle he wants bread, when we got out, he wants to buy toys, when u say cant, he will ask for other things, just to get his way.


for such behavr, its purely bad attitude. despite talkg, reasoning, etc. wont listen. just want his way. he will either whine or act - by crying or appearing like so poor thing, etc if didnt get his way.

it was worse when he was young - lie on the flr in public, run away etc but over the years of disciplining, is better now.

i hv only 1 solution n it often works to cure his bad attitude, whc many may disagree, is to show the rod - my super cane. spare the rod n spoil the child, is my motto. not that i use it immediately but he often wont budge and will test my patience until the last straw is broken.

to me, the child also need to learn what is respect, responsibility, and boundary.